Calling 911 and its impact.

I am sorry if my post felt offensive. I just wanted that anybody in same situation as us
seeing our posts should feel positive about taking this step.I wish nobody is in this situation .But if they are then to see these posts and feel reassured. Every step has something negative. This one too.But by showing more positive things i was wanting to motivate women in such relationships.

Punitha ,your post brought tears to my eyes. You are a brave woman. I didnt mean to offend you. I just wanted to post something positive about 911 call and post 911 life.
Let me tell you about my case.
Been in US for 5 yrs.
After 1 yr of marriage my husband started physical abuse.when it became too frequent and without any reason.2 yrs back ,I called 911. My husband has been b/n jobs quite a lot in these 5 yrs.I have helped him in getting jobs by applying for jobs answering his mails.the only thing he did was take interviews.
All his friends from childhood supported me and scolded him. As much as possible i didnt want to take that step. But even after telling my in laws and his friends he didnt stop i had to do it.
I am a professional degree holder. Due to visa issues I cudnt work. when he was arrested i didnt have a dollar with me but i had to do it. it wud only get worse. My parents supported me. Now although my husband is not abusive,i cant forget those days. But now its a relief as he doesnt abuse.

I took a TPO and by the time the TPO was over he had come to his senses. Although till today i didnt get an apology. It doesnt matter much as he has changed for better.

the situation will not come to 911 by overnight. It comes after all failed attempts of changing an abusive husband.My in laws only blamed me that i am provoking him. Thats a failed attempt to change my husband.
Are you living with your husband and if yes has he changed for better after this.
I am living with him and have seen a dramatic change. He isnt abusive. Sometimes blames me for 911 but thats okay .If not changed fully some positive change is there.
Chocolate.

 

Hi Punitha,
I am sorry to learn that you had to go through all these before and am happy that he is ok, now.

Bravo and also to all ladies who are brave enough to get help.
It is better to know the pros and cons of such acts.

In my case it was my mil who did call 911, but she didn't answer any questions and hung up the phone. Immediately, someone called from the 911 asking, is everything alright, is this child's prank or is it real and i dismissed that call saying that it was a mistake and till today she won't admit that she called 911.
Her complaint was 'we are abusing' her. I don't know in which way? We are the ones who is looking after her and dealing with her. I even asked my co-sister what to do, when she does that and she answered me that police officer might come and you had to explain and looking at the condition of our mil---they would definitely understand the situation and then they will leave.
This she did when my husband is out of station.
I called my 2 bils and co-sister and asked them what to do. Moreover she was complaining that if she calls the police, my husband will have no job and so on.
I don;t think she is in her mind to say that. If his practice goes out, who is going to suffer--she will also go through thator otherwise she will be in a separate nursing home or so where nothing gets done like this, while she is at home. She demands and gets her job done very nicely.
Who is abused here, we or her?

sriniketan

 

Shobhana,

My feelings exactly...what is happening here...why are there so many women being abused that also who are educated and married to well educated husbands?

I know of a friend who got married (she had a GC or US Citizenship) to a guy with H1 visa. The day after their wedding, they were in the car driving and talking. All of a sudden he pulls aside on the road as he didn't like what she said and took off his belt and started hitting her right there. This went on everyday for the next few days and within 2 weeks she had divorced him.

I always wonder if this is some psychological problem or culture (women being the doormat mentality)...

 

Reading this thread I am glad to be a part of IL to share my part of sorrows. Me and hubby recently had an arguement and I dialled 911 out of my fear...because he slapped me and was holidng my hand. I bit him in order to release myself from his clutches. I didnt realise that I had called cops until I heard the door bell and saw someone at the door. But luckily by then we had stopped arguing and had calmed down. Or else my fear is that if the cop had seen us arguing physically they would have taken the baby to foster care or something. When I opened the door, the cop asked me that he got a missed 911 call and thats why they are here. I told him that we had a silly arguement and thats why I called by mistake. He took both our names and DOB's and left...no warnings issued nothing.
But the aftermath for me is more worse...now my husband is behind me and accusing me that I am getting him arrested and that I am mentally ill and all that nonsense. He is saying give me protection in writing until then we are not talking nor doing anything. We are living under the same roof as 2 strangers....I get so worried for my kid who is around 2yrs old and is beginning to understand that there is something wrong.
I don't want to give anything in writing to him...so that I dont get into some sort of trap. But at the same time I want him to talk it out and see if we can get back to some normalcy. Experienced ladies please help me out on what should I do and how to tackle these issues. I have tried speaking to him in vain...he sleeps in a separate room locks his door so that I don't go and speak to him.
BTW, I am working and atleast that way not depending on him. But he thinks thats a threat to him and is asking me to quit the job and take care of the kid...which I will never ever do.

Regards,
Sihi

 

I am not as great as you.I will say I didnt feel sorry for my husband. He had abused me a lot. Now also I am a nervous wreck. But I try to get a hold on myself becoz I am now eligible to work and to reach here I worked very hard.My in laws are worse than yours.When the TPO was issued,I stayed in the apt while my husband in hotel. They convinced him to not pay the rent so that I can come back to India. I am from a well to do family. They convinced him not to divorce me at any cost but send me to India.So that once I come he follows me back to India. They keep telling him to go back to India. But ultimately he did pay.
See their logic is their darling daughter should be successful and be abroad but DIL and son should look after them in old age sacrificing their career goals. My SIL doesnt care for her MIL although staying in same house. Her husband is a puppet in her hand.
Now the situation is we didnt go back and we are together.Although sometimes my husband yells for the 911 call,he has changed a lot .in a positive way. My in laws are fuming there that if they can find one way of getting us back there they will do it.For them career ambitions and strive to acheive something means nothing.They want control of our lives 24/7. So after all this when my in laws told it wudnt have happened if we were in India with them. I told them he will be worse than this.My FIL and my BIL are also abusers.Here atleast after 911 call my husband is in control. There with all ILs influence,he will not have a family life.
I am happy to say I didnt bring kids into this marriage. It could have been worse. I am glad it got sorted out in this way.

 

I guess every situation is different and every case is different.

However the common part is the physical abuse.

In this age, no one should be subjected to physical abuse from husband or in-laws. If the husband or in-laws subject you to physical abuse then you should seek protection under the law.

There is always a first time to abuse. If you let it go, you are submitting yourself for being a victim again. Raise your concern, warn the person causing you physical harm and seek medical help.

Calling 911 is not a bad thing at all. This number is for your own protection and seeking legal protection from abuse.

The consequences might be bad for the one causing physical harm. However the goal is to seek immediate help. Any person who has anger management issues and vents out his anger by causing physical injury should be sent to jail. If a person is in US on any visa I am assuming they are educated enough to get a visa. Thus they have the ability to learn the differences between right and wrong.

Never think twice before calling 911. You are being abused, you need help, you must seek help!

As for the consequences....

about letting your child grow without a father.... you should have thought about it before letting a swimmer from an abusive partner balloon you up.

about going back to india becuase you loose your status here.......would you rather live in peace for rest of your life or under physical abuse?

about having that lonely feeling? .....go get a profile on shaadi dot com

Good luck!!

Make it clear to your husband or your in-laws that if they cause physical injury to you, you will not think twice before calling 911. Be stern in what you say. Make them understand the eventuality. Maybe watch a movie together where the criminals are subjected to oriface checks

 

timesofindia.indiatimes.com
NEW DELHI, INDIA, October 12, 2007: Experts say the way women in India are brought up explains why only one in four abused women seek help to try and end the violence. Only 2% of the abused women sought intervention from the police.

G C Chaturvedi, director, National Rural Health Mission, said, ''In India, the worst problem we face is that victims in almost all states don't feel victimized, both in case of dowry or spousal violence. They feel being beaten up or tortured by their husband is all right. They have been groomed to believe that. We are trying to change this mindset by educating and empowering more women, making them aware of their rights. It will take some time to change people.

Meanwhile, NFHS-III has made some other shocking observations. While 1 in 10 have experienced sexual violence, 1 in 6 experienced emotional violence by their husbands.

Bihar has been found to be the worst state with abuse rate as high as 5 9%. About 63% of these incidents of violence on women were in urban families. Bihar was followed by Rajasthan (46.3%), MP (45.8%), Manipur (43.9%), UP (42.4%), TN (41.9%) and West Bengal (40.3%).

Most of the women assaulted by their husbands were less than two years into their marriage. According to the figures, 62% experienced physical or sexual violence within the first two years of marriage while 32% experienced violence in the first five years.

Slapping was the most common act of physical violence by husbands. More than 34% women said their husbands slapped them while 15% said their husbands pulled their hair or twisted their arm. Around 14% of the women had things thrown at them. Low levels of education plays a major role in this horrifying trend. Over 47% women who suffered spousal violence had no education. The number stood at 16% for women who studied till standards X or XII.

Women belonging to SC/ST communities were the worst affected with one in three women experiencing domestic violence. Buddhist women reported the highest level of violence (41%) followed by Muslim and Hindu women (34-35%) and Sikh and Christian women (26-28%). Women from the Jain community reported the lowest level of violence (13%).

<HR>I thought that it is appropriate to post it here.