Calling 911 and its impact.

V gud post puni.This is the reason I am scared of suggesting anybody to call 911.The effects r really far fledged.It is not like in india here.Things here can get v nasty.So girls be careful before u decide to call 911.Do not do it on the spur of the emotion.Think a lot before taking this decision.

 

Hi Punitha,
It's a nice post to tell people about 911 call but some portion of the post seems to threaten people not to call 911 even in the case of abuse......
So, do you think that its better to stay in a miserable condition just fearing that u will be deported to your country and loosing money?????
Dear, its lot better than staying happy and peacefully without money/status rather than staying with an abuser and tolerating his tortures forever.......
I think we have one life and its better to live it to the full without crying.bravely and peacefully as far as possible........
You know, here the lawyers never ask for the money unless case is over.
And what record you are talking about, an abuser has no record.......he/she should be punished........
Why there is so much fear in returning back to India.......and in stead tolerate all abuse........
I am not saying we should call 911 for every small thing but when the abuse/accident is beyond control.........its better to give a call........and the law is much better in USA than in India.
Please do not threaten ladies who are living in a bad condition and tolerating all bad things in fear of parents/society........etc.........
Are you advising here to stay with all these torture and abuses but don't take action against it.......that is indirectly showing that we should support these abuses by keeping mum..........
Thank you.

 

Hi Punitha..........
I may be too harsh.....as I read CMIT's post/her abusive hubby etc and I fell like they should be punished at all and every point of their life........
I am sorry, if I hurt you......I had read most of your mails......and I do feel sorry for you and appreciate you for being brave and adjusting with your life.
Dear, I do admit that its easier to advice somebody than face/do it by yourself.
But please tell me, if the abuser has no love/respect for the victim then why should we think about his career and life............

I know revengeful is not good and being victimised and still not complaining is horrible and equally bad.........why should somebody abuse us for no reason.......r we worth of it.......or he is worth of doing it..........
Yes, he will be deported/not get a job......so what, did he gave some thought before being abusive.........so why this soft corner for an abuser..........

next thing that you have written that anywhere you go you will be abused.....say in India or in USA..........but why........its ur life.....you have every right to choose for urself.........

About other options, like talking to elders/frds etc is good but every elder or every frd is not efficient enough to give advice or suggest something......and in many cases I have seen that becomes more disastrous...........
And think what advice will you get from your MIL (I read from ur post about her)....
Dear Puni,
I feel sorry if anyhow ur sentiment is hurt but still I feel I have to live my life and nobody has any right to do bad to me unless I am bad to them........so, being brave only is the solution.......nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.........life is a chance and you have to take that at some instance..........
Thank you.

 

Hi Punitha,

I don't think it is very easy for Indian women to call 911. It is only done when their very limits of endurance has been reached.

Incidentally, I would like to know the source of some of your points...because they seem to be inaccurate.

1) Calling 911 is not as scary as you make it seem. What would you have victims of domestic violence do otherwise? Keep suffering?

2) I know some women who called 911 after years of suffering physical and emotional abuse. What happened was that the police officers came and gave a stern warning to the husband. Told him that the police will be patrolling their neighborhood regularly and making sure that his wife was ok. He was forced to enlist in anger management classes and therapy sessions.

He did not dare raise a hand on his wife again. He called up India and cried to everybody how his wife has ruined his life (by not allowing him to beat his wife anymore..?) , but no, he did not beat her again. He was so scared of the big officers. His behavior towards his wife changed because he was scared that she was no longer the meek doormat that he had married and he could punch and beat with no repercussions.

3) You said - "After release, you are not suppose to live under one roof. Either you move out or your spouse has to move out of the house."

That is totally false. In fact, you can have a protection order against someone while living together. This order can simply require your abuser to stop his violent behavior and attend a batterer's counseling program.

4) If you take help of women's organizations, then they can help you get lawyers that work pro bono or for very little money.

5) "Studies have shown that in 63 to 85 percent of domestic violence cases, having a protection order reduces physical violence and helps victims regain a sense of well-being." This is from the Raksha website.

6) About an abuser no longer being able to hold a job, please....if that was the case, then all the abusers would be job less. That is not the case.

7) The most curious point was " In case of not guilty, still he will have black mark in his career and Green card processing will become very tough."

Who are you siding with here? The abuser or the victim? Are you saying that a women should accept being beaten and abused should not do anything about it? If in fact there are so many repercussions that CAN happen to the husband, isn't it better he be made aware of it? So that he can STOP abusing his wife? Than asking the wife to keep quiet?

And keeping a work permit or green card...! Is that more important than the well being of a woman???

Frankly, I would be interested to know what you would advise a domestic violence victim to do. You have mentioned so many pointers on what she should not do and why she should not call 911 etc. Is there something that she can do that will bring her out of her cycle of abuse?

Aarushi

 

Hey Punitha.,
I had to login to answer this query. Its not all true mentioned in this post. I am one of the victims of DA. Let me clarify each point in your post.

1. They are going to arrest the person and it depends on the police officer to arrest or to give warnings.
Its left to the wife in this context to let the officer arrest or warn

2. In case if they arrest, they are going to put the guy in the jail ( it is not like Indian jail, where you can go and get the complaint back) and he has to produce his all assets to get a bail for the release.
Its not for long they are in jail.(if weekend arrest ,then till next working day)Usually nobody comes out on bail as it is expensive .

3. After release, you are not suppose to live under one roof. Either you move out or your spouse has to move out of the house.
Its only if wife requested a Temporary Protection order. Otherwise after the Judge gives final judgement husband and wife can live to gether.

4. Next day, the physical abuser has to appear in the court.True.
he has to be questioned for the abuse.

5. He has to appoint a lawyer for himself.If he choses to fight the case yes.
If he wants to contest the decision taken by the court yes. Otherwise he doesnt need a lawyer.

6. Mean while, the state govt. will provide you with a govt. lawyer.
yes

7. You should know the laws of this country.
The lawyer appointed for you will explain all this.

8. TO get a good lawyer, you need to spend huge money in this country. (we have come here to earn money leaving everybody back home, why get into all these problems).
Not all the time. You can get lawyers for moderate fee too. And shouldnt the husband's think of all this before abusing.If they are ready to give pain to wife who came here only believing their husbands will be loving.,they should also see how it is on the other side.

9. The police officer would contact the employer of the abuser and will give the full information.
Not necessary.

10. He record has become bad. He will not be kept in the job.
Not true

11. If found that he is guilty, they will deport him back to India.
Probably. This only happens if the abuse is very severe. Most of the times it is not so severe to get deported.

12. In case of not guilty, still he will have black mark in his career and Green card processing will become very tough.
It will be on his record. Not so much a black mark on career .If it is a first complaint.,it will be counted as a misdemeanor. If it happens again it becomes a felony and will probably be a black mark. Green card processing will include a interview in most cases and it depends on how well the person convinces the interviewing officer he is not in his old ways.

13. On top of it, your spouse will have this in mind and will keep on torturing you throught your life.
Maybe a few times. But will never attempt to abuse again. Its better than being beaten again.

14. Please don't have the misconception that you will get greencard/citizenship in this country.
If you are on dependent visa, you are also forced to leave the country.
Not necessarily.

PS:I was a victim of DV and had taken legal action against husband. I am not sorry i did it. I am just sorry i didnt do it when he raised his hand the first time.
This post should be an eye opener to anybody suffering DV from husbands. Please dont get disheartened. Its not as bad as it sounds. But it will be worth it. After the 911 call and aftermath process,I have not suffered any abuse.

 

Hello Ladies,

I think this is a good thread to have. Yes there seems to be some confusion about what happens when someone calls 911 to report DV case.
Can someone research into this and then post the correct information please.

In fact, i think starting a separate thread for contact information for agencies plus emergency numbers plus relevant info for women will be a good idea.
So i will go ahead and start one. And hope i can get all of you ladies to provide valuable information for all the ladies out there who need it and don't know where to go.
Vandhana

 

Ladies,

On a related note here is an article from Shivali Shah who is an attorney fighting for the rights of H4 visa holders.

H Visa Survey