I have nothing to advice here. But I thoroughly enjoyed this thread. OP, your intentions are right. But how you can go for it depends on how much privacy you get. For a person like me, with an average drive, I think a smart phone with internet and privacy with the correct mood would be enough for self pleasing. Not sure what I would do, if I have an high drive. If you think a toy is necessary, then go for a toy which doesn't have any identifiable shape. Something like a penis. Because your nosy relatives could make it problematic, since you live with them. There are many shapes available. Go for a different one, and tell them it is a massage machine got from store for your back pain. But as someone said, try intimacy at early mornings. I've read somewhere that men do have high urge during 3-5 am, and that time your H will not be dead tired. Try initiating around this time.