Buying Peace Of Mind! Is It Worth It?

‌Two decades into a happy marriage and kids and settled life now in India. Am not working now. I also liking being house wife/mom and going about my chores and activity with my speed and flexibility. My in laws have lived with us in our home ever since we returned from gulf and so a homemaker me, now have to practically spend the whole day with them at home and it means we keep foregoing a lot of our comfort ways and fun. Financially we take care of the whole home. They have pension, thy go to holidays, stay with their other kids at times and are overall healthy but stay put with us permanently. My MIL needs to dominate in cooking, taking lead in planning their day, activities, outing my Fil's health etc ... And So I have to share my kitchen space, our lifestyle and accommodate their needs and sensibilities . They are very interested in knowing all events, plans and our updates and also would like to share theirs. She is active in social media, is talented in cooking, art work, grooming her up and travelling etc... He, my fil is rather dull for her but has his own other healthy pursuits which she just doesn't like and always antagonists him... She says he is very demanding and so she has to do all things his way and, on time, and she takes initiative in doing so... And amidst her work I need to do all like a subordinate.... For eg.. adjust and do my cooking, allow her to do pooja, share car, be there at home for maid, and buy essentials, carry on repairs and plan for all our Pooja, cultural festivities, entertaining her relatives, guests, gifting etc.. But she will tell how to go about it and her ways and traditions only and we hv to follow that, she will be the spokesperson when all visit ors/relatives are home and take the centre stage and shadow all of us especially in front of outsiders/relatives.. . We all also have been submissive to her but doing all our share of work and still allowing her to lead through! My FIL/hubby/me will protest many times but we will be brought back on her track, smartly she will manipulate things to their rather her favour. Now their son/ my hubby understands this and so doesn't feel very close at heart with his parents... but still as a dutiful son will do all as told, engage with thm daily in small talks and try to show his/my perspective to them too. My kids are growing and thy have studied their grandparents well and yet most of the time are well behaved towards them. The kids know how, I do my duty and immediately sneak away, from there be it running away kitchen after my chores are done or run away when they are discussing with my hubby or even when her folks come over I एक्सचेंज pleasantries, give food/tea and excuse myself or for that matter don't include myself if there is family gossip etc... But I attend all our family gatherings and have organised many functions inviting all her and his folks and tried to spend time with them overall.. But looks like we are Doing things to buy peace, be rightful. trying to steal our moments and somehow trying to live our life our way but very very hesitantly!!!! Now that, nearing middle age, I think I am not liking this escapist way for eg: keeping all emotions into myself, hearing ill about myself everyday from them!, running the household mainly according to them, sharing all my hubby's finances for their lavishness and essentials,..... Feel very hollow doing these.. We don't ask any money from FIL, trying to put up a composed life and detached from their comments against me... We like to empathise their need to be with their son but they tend to take a mile when given an inch! even though they are very Rich pensioners,enjoying rent from their own home... Thy depend on us, live with us... I feel supervised, watched and strangulated... though we and kids aren't dependent on them. I alone am able to handle kids, cook, finance, shopping, guests, party, participating in community events all by myself..but are dominated by them in many ways... I hv shown my reluctance, resentment, displeasure in more ways than one and communicated openly about her loudness, complaining habit et... but in turn hv only got ridiculed or gossiped by and hear comments from them everyday as if I were wrong and that I shud adjust in my own home and not tell them anything.

They are loving but very manipulative and loud. They care but interfere a lot. They are traditional but don't miss to update their clothes, partying and outing. In short they like to become young when it's fun time, dominate as elders knowing traditions when it's Pooja time, shed crocodile tears when they need us to spend on their lavishness.. Etc... And get away in a way that all should respect them as they are elders and know better to plan, implement etc..
My hubby is v busy but tries to find time for family activities, if I ask him then he tries to squeeze time for me too, be a good father, citizen, fun intellectual person to be with..
I feel very timid still v belligerent inside and feel like suppressed and being hypocrite. I just don't enjoy her company, her mingling wt my friends, her intrusion in any of my time. Yet I hv been compassionate towards her when she is ill, side her when her ways are opposed by her kids/sis/fil... But never see her give up her activities for me/us.. I hv communicated I don't like her loud talks, remarking for every single thing,.. She उस v fast and I am pa tingly matching my speed to hers unnecessarily. When I worked she too kept going out and took all househelp into her fold, plan costly affairs/charity and make us pay for the same but show othrs that she is the one who initiated all... Okay u want the credit... Take it.. Was our answer always.. And now all our folks realising this love and show their support. But now i am not capable of continuing like this and wish secretly to move away... Feel like going to some ashram, be with my family folks and be among ppl who are genuine, selfless and non influential. I enjoy learning new things, be a part of orchestra, attend discourse, take care of my fitness be a very positive parent and be more assertive and not just keep appeasing his parents. Infact now my sexuality has taken me by surprise ! Lol, my hubby shdnt hvn hard time keeping up wt my U Turn passionate self! Hehe! Really want more time for just us from him... Poor hubby!!
Why simple living is becoming a challenge every minute???? , diluting our enthusiasm and making us timid in being broad minded and loving to ourselves and all...!!!

 

Thanks very much for your time reading and replying.

 

Read all your replies. I was thinking that quite few solutions that I came up my sleeve were similar. you girls have thought UP so rightly from my shoes and wrote up for helping me.... I am grateful and feel supported, that I am not totally wrong..
My biggest problem is she is unstoppable in her actions, her loud talking, shouting, repeating her plans to her hubby and her folks whoever calls up for every minute!!!no exaggeration. She and fil will come out to the kitchen/dining area and converse in front of me letting me know their plans and acting as if asking me.. if i vl b home for kids/othr work etc...and that they vl go out.. As if she takes care of these things and as if she asks me and plans her days/finances etc... My Solution... tell her to be quiet as her son is on conf call OR my elder ones boards etc.. And ask her to talk inside her room close their door.. But they will open in a very short time and keep mumbling how rude I am, So I end up.. go off to the bedroom until my next work..

I hate that loud acting and show of logical/planned talks! She will keep telling how smart/intelligent/well planned lady she is, and how unlucky she is to get a slow poke hubby... His needs, illness etc all is taken care only bcoz of her.(we came down leaving our work and schools to this city to help thm, but no mention of it ever in these many yrs) That she is like a machine, positive minded and strong person who has kept things in tact. She might be... and am happy things are working out for the better for my hubby's parents as thy are aging.. But who can hear this every 20mins of your life. .. Plus each update of ours to her sis, d/o.. MY Solution: I don't reply(thy say I am being disrespectful and am rude,) and now I don't inform of my plans, don't TELL when I go down!!! I go down for walk/community help almost 10_15times a day... What to tell and go? She says she informs me even if she goes down for walk!! Yes.. She does! Even if my doors are closed, I hv to open and hear from her that it's 5pm and so they need a walk for their health blah blah..... Everydayi hv to hear ??? Why?My Solution: Say a quick yes and go hide in the bedroom or out in the balcony
She will keep going out, buy the best fineries stitch it, adorn in style and walk in confidence!!!! I am not so, many a times i do dress with what I hv but not every single day. My neighbors tell/tease me how I don't match up to her even being younger..! I like to see her dressed/happy but when she comes n tells how ppl admire her, compliment her and keeps staring at mirror admiring herself etc.
.Solution:.. I really get irritated... So even before she enters I go off to bedroom.. When she shows I just say a quick NICE and walk away! Inside!!
Even If a plumber or store delivery person comes she has to be thr directing him wht to do, show thm her knowledge shop talking etc... Solution: I go and remain at the door and wait outside before they ring the bell, quietly finish the transaction and hush hush bring the courier pkg or show the workers indoors for work!!
Omg!! Can't write also all this and much more what she goes about bragging/shouting everyday. She has to dominate Pooja and will keep on requiring so many flowers, lil less means she will keep reminding need to buy thm, u buy or else i shl plan... Wht planning needed for this every othr day???Solution.. Buy two days before itself the flowers fruits nkeep! Many times thy wilt! Waste of money! Now thy hv reduced complaining thinking i vl buy beforehand and thy buy but Still she has to announce she has brought things in time!!
Every time of day diff cooking or else it's boring!!! We eat daily cornflakes/oats/cereal, fruits, hot water... Daily even after workout...And help her make elaborate breakfast!!! Still she isn't contented... Will keep complaining her hubby needs diff taste, even kurry
पत्ता goes missing one day he won't adjust it seems!! Frm early morn till 930geysers will run non stop just for two of thm!! Son is thr to pay bills na... Point blank s
‌Thy made the driver tell us that thy need new car that old car is giving trubl. . My hubby waited 6 months , we saved and thn got thm a sedan cash down as we already had his office loan for one car and we need to pay driver salary/bonus, we hardly get to use him but thy kept him totally under thr fold!! , my hubby drives another car himself!!
‌Solution:now we got rid of driver! They call any avlbl driver/call driver and go but how much ruckus thy make siting driver unavlblty of drivers if thy at times don't turn up or if thy dont keep up timing!.. Shouting/complaining loudly as if we are to be blamed! etc... When my hubby asks thm to be be lil quiet, thy vl stop only to raise thr voices higher!! She vl come n talk v cutely to my hubby how fil is trblng so she has to shout to convince him and that only when she explains he gets the logic! ********
My younger one thinks if we need to get our work done we shd shout and drama and get our things done.
In short my brain is only thinking to avoid/overcome unpleasant situations day in and day out.. Its got into my blood. I am attending spiritual classes to keep my cool and remain shut indoors wt music so as to not hear them!! HOW CLOSED AND CUT OUT I FEEL as if I am hiding.. Inside MY Home!!!
And when I do hv to come out I only see piles if dishes in sink for she wud hv used all that is thr to make a lavish meal for two!! Well i wud be ok had thy ate that happily and been satiated and remain quiet!! Atleast!!

 

Sorry for long long write ups... Pls excuse.