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Building Positivity In Married Life Forum

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Induslady, Mar 1, 2014.

  1. shilpaprincess

    shilpaprincess Senior IL'ite

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    Women are always on top of men.
    Men are just trying to project they are having upper hand for the sake of society.
    Men are always down before women.They have to
     
  2. Anjanasarun1990

    Anjanasarun1990 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    In this world there is only one principle "Give and Take" wheather its in a marriage or anything.
    So give respect and take respect.
     
    ParvathiRatish likes this.
  3. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Men and women complement each other in Marriage. No one is above anyone. Both are equal and both are good in their own way.
     
    rachaputi likes this.
  4. ParvathiRatish

    ParvathiRatish New IL'ite

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    Marriage itself is a bonding b/w two characters ( like north and south poles).for this lots of adjustments needed to carry a smooth relationship..Life itself is a journey through many ups and downs,so need to b there till the end Whatever happens. Both of them should have equal freedom to do things and should take equal decision and that should b the final. Never indulge anyothers in ur personal decisions if it's not necessary.Many problems can occur but it should b solved within u and not by others.
     
    Purple2017 likes this.
  5. lakshmilux

    lakshmilux New IL'ite

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    How to destress and bring positivity in daily life?
     
  6. Swethavenky

    Swethavenky New IL'ite

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    Hi friends,I just joined this site, very happy to meet u all,I was thinking of sharing my feelings with someone who could understand my feelings. In this 15 years of married life we never had any misunderstanding.but now my husband has formed a WhatsApp group with his school friends.from the date of formation of this group he is constantly engaged in whatsapp seeing which I am very much irritated.I am not able to bear with my husband when he talks with his school girlfriends. He is more than 40 now and I know that it is not fair to doubt my DH, I am cent percent sure that he loves his family as earlier, but I am not able to bear with this behaviour.
    Recently while seeing his chats,I found that one chat with his girl friend was completely erased and so I didn't speak to him for 2 days,when I asked the reason for this he told that he didn't like the msg his girlfriend had sent and if it is seen by me,it would create a problem between us. I was not satisfied with his reply but I am sure that my husband is a very loving partner, kindly help me to change my attitude towards my husband
     
  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Being possessive on ur husband is normal. But when it goes beyond a certain level then it will create havoc in ur relationship. Instead of going through his whatsapp chats , u can talk to him ur views .
     
  8. mysteriousone

    mysteriousone New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am 23 years old and am newly married, just two months into my marriage. My mother-in-law is a manipulative lady. From my engagement time, she used to call me and ask me as to how I will tackle the realities of life, how prepared I am to face this marriage and other responsibilities. For her, everything needs to be done the way she wants it. I am a working woman and leave for work at 8 in the morning and the time I go to bed is 11-12 in the night. My work takes up most of my time and I come home from work only at 10 in the night. After wedding, she called me everyday and started asking me as to what I cooked, if the maid came, etc. She does not live with us but calls every day to know as to what work I did. She wants me to cook full meals in the morning and take it with me despite her knowing my schedule. Whenever I fall ill and come to my parent's house, she thinks it's because of the household work that I am leaving. Also she comes up with some random excuses to make me stay at home during weekends and tries her level best to keep me away from my parents. She did not let me stay at my parent's place for diwali and made me leave. My mother's scared of her and asked me to leave because she did not want it to become a big problem. This she did not do it but instead made my husband do it. She came up with some random excuse of food lying waste in her house even though she knew that it is custom for newly weds to stay at my parent's place. Also that evening, she did not let us go for dinner with my parents, because she made a lot of rice. When I confronted my husband, he said he did not let me stay at my parent's place for diwali because I go there every weekend. When I fought, he agreed that for diwali the two of us should have stayed till dinner. Once when I fell seriously ill and became aneamic, she called my mother and told her that I keep falling ill because I miss my parents. Also she asked my mother to come to our place and take care of me because it's not feasible for me to go to my parent's house. My sister, grand mother and father are dependent on my mother, yet my mom-in-law refused to understand this. Whenever I come to meet my parents, she calls it not feasible. Also she pesters me to quit my job. She lets her husband, her parents, daughter and my husband to do her dirty work. Recently, I fell ill again and the doctor has advised me complete rest. My husband was present during the medical examination and knows about my condition. The doctor has advised me 6 month's rest and said I can go back to cooking after my health improves. I was very close to getting hospitalized. But mother-in-law refused to believe it. She asked me if I can ask permission in my office to come late so that I can cook and pack something to eat even though my husband wants to arrange a cook. Till date, I had completely ignored her and her tantrums. But when she suggested this, I was so irritated that I told her that I'd be staying at my parent's place for 2 months if nothing works out to take care of my health. For this she gave her standard reply of my choice not being feasible and as to who will take care of her son. I told her that my husband can stay with me at my parent's place till I get better. She did not know what to say and started scolding my husband. My husband is a good guy but when his mother pressurizes him, he does whatever she tells him to do. She manipulates everyone and lies to get me to do whatever she tells. I don't know what she will do to me after I spoke to her like this. Please help me tackle all possible cases as to what she might do. Also I really don't know what she will make my husband do. My mother is worried that she might separate us. She has irritated me a lot and I have contemplated divorce a number of times due to this lady. Personally, I don't have any problems with my husband. But when she makes my husband do what she wants and gets him to insult me, I start hating him and think about divorce. What my husband says initially is his true reply and he is also very reasonable. But after that, he never does what he says because my mother-in-law would interfere and stop him from doing it. I really don't know what to do. Kindly help. Even though she does not live with me, she's made my life miserable. She does not give us the space that newly married couples require and calls me only to give work. When I tell my husband that I'll talk to her later, he refuses to let me go because his mother wanted to talk to me immediately and makes me talk with her even when I am tired. Yesterday she called my mother and asked her if she forced me into marriage despite her knowing that both her son and I are happy. Kindly help
     
  9. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi! You need to first win the trust of your husband. Do what he likes. Make his favourite dishes, keep house clean and don't show him that you are sitting idle before finishing your work. Even if you are tired. Once he started trusting u he will start developing understanding. Don't rush to your parents home when you are ill. Call our MIL and tell her to take care of u or go to her home. Pamper her with costly gifts. Say very nice about her in front of others specially ur husband. Once u win the trust of your husband u will slowly be able to manipulate situations according to u. Do remember Don't ever fight or say anything bad about ur MIL.
     
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi, after working 14 hours from 8 am to 10 pm, no one can cook on a daily basis . It's inhuman to expect so. I'm sure you are contributing major part of your salary towards your husband only right, so you are doing your par as a wife, of taking responsibilities. Please keep a cook, even in good times , to help you with cooking, else your health and fertility will be affected severely.

    I don't think it's correct that you should go to your parent's house every weekend, especially as a newly married woman. You both are working long hours, so for weekend please try to spend time with your husband . Plan romantic dates at home, or outside, or visit places in your city . Newly married years are most precious, and try to make bets of this golden period by spending time with your husband and strengthening the relationship. When you do extreme things, it's natural your MIL is feeling insecure, over reacting and trying to control you more. I would suggest try to spend time and take care of your husband in the weekend.

    Never, ever do this, no matter what , and firmly tell her to stop this topic.

    Both husband and wife have to take care of each other.
    You have done nothing wrong by your reaction. Don't be scared , I don't think there'll be any major consequences of this. Look at the positive side, she does not live with you. For now, focus on relationship with your husband, as he sounds like a reasonable guy, when not under her influence. I wish you all the best.
     

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