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Building A Strong Marriage by Creating Personal Space

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Induslady, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Why is it important to have personal space in marriage?

    Too much of good thing is bad, right? Even though, the couple can be in love with each other so much and can tolerate each other only to certain extent. There is no perfect person born yet, everybody has their own flaws. Sooner or later can get tired of each others imperfection. Also, "Home" is a crowed space, no where to hide, if you are upset/angry, you need time to cool it off.

    How to create that space?

    It depends on what phase of life you are in now - just married, no-kids, young kids, grown up kids, empty Nester.

    If you are at just married, no-kids, empty Nester stage - see each other on the anniversary day to avoid any misunderstandings. Just Kidding..... Every couple is different.

    Having a network of friends and hobbies are important. Hobby, I meant anything other than, with 'flashing lights' - computers, video games, TV, mobile phone. Key factor: Human interaction is important for the sanity of the person.

    From my personal life and growing up watching dad/mom, men may need to be left out alone before the work and few hours during the weekends to sync up with their 'boys' network. Probably, that is their thinking time or relaxing time before the work day and catching up with their network during the weekends. Does it applicable to everyone, may be not.


    Myself, I am a late sleeper and my DH likes to hit the sack early at night.

    I leave him alone in the mornings and he let me have few hours to myself at night. So, it worked out to be fine between us.


    If you have young kids, there is NO "me time" in life. It will be the time, you can sleep without any disturbance.

    If you have grown-up kids, may have to take turns to have that "me time".

    What kind of problems can be avoided by making that space?

    Having that "me time" or the personal space gives that needed break from each other. After having few hours away from each other, the minor friction that they may had earlier no longer matters. Otherwise, the little thing may look like a mountain sized issue. It is a human tendency, suppressed anger blows out of proportion.
     
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  2. Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    Creating personal space has here been made synonymous with having "me" time and hobby development. There is ample 'Me" time when we are at our parents place then y the need of marriage. Marriage is for creating your own personal space(place) in the spouses life.
    In a crowded lift everyone stares at the floors which appear on the console because ones own personal space is evaded and he/she feels relieved once their desired floor comes. But a couple in love may steal a peck or a hug in the same crowded lift if given a chance because their own personal space is not evaded by the spouse.
    Princess Dianna and Prince Charles may have had ample "me" time for themselves but their marriage was not strong and could not last. Whereas if just a peep is taken or our grandparents life who would have never had any 'Me" time their bonds were strong and lasted for years. Of course we may argue that exceptions are always there. A spouse may have lots of 'Me' time or may be allowed to do anything/everything he/she wants but is chided or scolded for any individual decision he/she takes....is that me time any good? What space does she/he hold in that relationship?

    Building +veity can come with interconnection/togetherness because positive(+) itself asks for intersection of space, time, likes, dislikes everything.

    Me time is required by anybody.... in a relation or not in a relation. Like machines humans also need to switch off. However unavailability of me time which may happen at any stage in life should not hinder the relationship. A spouse is called "better half" or 'Ardhangi/Ardhangini" as he/she is supposed to occupy your personal space and be a part of you. This is just my personal opinion. Ofcourse everyone should indulge in hobbies and have Me time too.hugsmiley
     
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  3. uma

    uma Senior IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    Happy to add my thoughts to this as well.

    Immediately after marriage, both husband and wife feel like they are one inseparable entity. They feel like they should do everything together. They should share every bit of happening. I even saw common email IDs.

    I think it is natural for couples to do that during the initial few years. But over time, they have to work out a way to be like a venn diagram (didn't want to geek out, but didn't know a better way to picture it!). It will fall into kind of 3 buckets

    - His activities
    - Her activities
    - Common activities

    The more the relationship allows for his/her activities, the more engaged each will be on the common activities.

    I also couldn't envision a relationship surviving if there is no time for each of them to do his or her thing.

    Uma
     
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  4. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    My take on this is totally different.

    For us we never had this need for personal space. Doesnt mean that we dont fight or are the perfect couple around. We fight and when we fight it would seem like the next call from our phones would be to a divorce lawyer. But even then we cannot think of doing anything by ourselves. We are always together and we don't really (touch wood) had the need for personal space or me time. Our me time is our we time..

    I had posted about this a few months back - [h=2]Taking time-off from being a wife[/h]
     
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  5. vaikhari

    vaikhari Gold IL'ite

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    Marriage should not be just seen as a space for production, but rather indulge in the production of space, despite all kinds of bonding, sharing and caring. Whether the space produced in this absolutely worldly contract is heavenly or hell is what the real challenge is. While heaven and hell are also worldly than other worldly, let us just resort to the largely agreed understanding of heaven as a space of bliss and hell as that of suffering. Now space is inevitable and it is out of the question to even think about not producing it, for if the blissful one is not consciously or unconsciously produced, the latter, the one of chaos and suffering might in all likelihood force itself in way of marriage. For such is the nature of space, it simply exists for its own sake, so how we use it is only the matter of concern anywhere anytime!
     

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