Brother's wife destroyed the family

No matter what, being a son it is his duty to visit his parents. Your brother is really being a mean fellow. What does he thinks of himself? Do he think he is doing some favor to your mom by asking her to visit his in-laws' place in this age and giving her opportunity to patch up things. Your mom and dad shouldn't go. As such, being a sister, you shouldn't interfere and let your mom decide whether she wants to go or not, but looking to this matter, I think your parents are already too much hurt, and now imagine if they travels so long to your brother's in-law's place and incase if your brother say or do something to humiliate her infront of his wife and in-laws, then your mom might get more hurt and what if something happens to her or your dad's health. Even if your mom wants to go, please make sure she don't go alone and your dad should go with her, but imo, please even if you have to intervene, then do so and insist your mom strongly or ask your dad to not let her go. Because if she don't go, then she might only feel bad she didn't got opportunity to see her son, but if she go and gets humiliated then she might break down & it can have adverse effect on her health too.

 

I have posted in another thread as 'it is husband whose duty to balance both wife and his parents'. He should remember in his life he is son and also husband'
Sometimes I wonder what charisma these girls make to turn husband as puppet in their hand.
In many cases it happens why it so; what a shame on these men are. Do men loose their thinking ability after marriage
Anyways it is good that your brother has broken his relationship with his parents; hope he realizes soon..
Your parents will be alright...don't worry you and your sis keep in touch with them...

 

SIL plays a part or not it is not fair for a son who is matured enough and respected his parents long long ago to behave this way. I would say he is an opportunist. He pretended as if he were loving and respecting his parents only to suck them out in his time of need. That is why it has become more easy for him to change this soon. As others suggested, please tell your parents to ignore him. Your parents are not a source to vent out his frustrations and anger.

You give them the love and support your parents need right now. It would slowly cure their wounds. It will not take much time he learns his lesson. He will definitely have to come to them. Till then its high time they ignore him. As parents it would be very difficult to do that. But bitter medicines and surgeries are only for curing fatal diseases. This too is a disease and he surely needs to be cured.

All the best and may GOD bless your parents with long peaceful years. Show your love to them in double whereas they couldn't be able to feel the vaccuum.

 

It is your brother who is at fault here.How could he talk such nonsense like you do not deserve to get a better guy?Even your SIL seems to be a very cunning female.But it is very unfair on your part to speak as if you did a big sacrifice and favor by letting your brother marry her just because she has hearing problems.

Probably your brother is kind of those guys who was looking for an opportunity to get rid of responsibility.There are some guys out there who will be silent before marriage and provide all the comforts for their parents just to earn a "good son" name.But inside they would suffocate and have the feeling that they are giving too much taking too much responsibility single handedly.Basically they feel they are used for money.When these guys get married , they throw their parents outrightly and depend on their life partner for all emotional needs.I have seen such men too.I am not saying your brother might be one of them but he is the one responsible for the state of your parents now.

Take care of your parents and let them ignore your brother for now.

 

Yogi

Dont get me wrong!! but the title of the thread is actually very biased...really!

Your brother is the one who leaves people back for greener pastures. He seems to be someone who doesnt know how to handle both sides. He seems to be someone who cant prioritze people in his life...so why blame the new comer??

Also coming to how your SIL was looking n suggesting second marriage people, you took the abuse because you were thinking you want to be nice etc...inspite of what ever they throwed at you all that while...why didnt you answer back and point her short comings how she is half deaf and full dumb sometimes when peopel dont know how to put others in their place thats when issues like these arise.....see for yourself...your brother didnt know how to manage, you didnt understand however good for you ..you realised n picked the signals and landed with good decision...hope your mom also understands this before its too late.

Dont blame SIL(I am notsaying she isnot at fault..all I am saying is she is NOT the ONLY person tobe blamed here) Yes if she has any differences and bad feelings about your parents or you guys she can happily stay away from interacting with you or your family and let her husband i.e your brother deal with all this. but seems like she realised she can do what she wants to based on your brothers behaviour!!! and thats what was the drawback here.

The moment you turn your focus on your brother you would know much more on how destroyed the family for their selfish needs. however...whats wrong if your brother wants to detach from hsi aprents n siblings?? when he doesnt take care of his parents orsisters, why take his calls and hear his blastings??? he is abusing all of you emotionally and you guys are letting it happen.

Also things like brother not calling parents n siblings as frequently as he used to before his marriage.....all of us have to understand that after marraige there are additional responsibilities. Its not some kind of freedom that you give him temporarily saying ok..take 1 yr time its ok if you dont call or dont send money etc...etc..but after that if he still doesnt come back he is a monster type etc....understand that different men cope up with marraige differently. I have seen men who are well prepared for marriage on all aspects about challenges and issues etc...I have seen men who just jump in to get married (like you said for GC ) or for other reasons like to fit into their friends circle of married couples etc...when marraiges happen out of such hurriedness they just dont know how to handle things. and parents and siblings have to let go off the brother for a while....so that the brother understands and manages his family and eventually after he has kids etc you would see maturity strike in...the new ness in the marriage fades...the challenges n hurdles may have been understood or conquered!!! so we haev to give time for all this....but you or your parents are not the one who are supposed to put time line on by when he has to acheive all this. diff. people take diff.time.

However I still will say....this abuse of your brother is totally unacceptable and your parents have to stop leeting it happen. if they dont do it now, its going tobe a bigger issue going forward and then dont blame your SIL for it.

 

Well after all the postings here... I cud just say one...

Now, after all the issues by ur brother to your parents, they should have been shattered by his doings to them. Now its the turn of you two sisters to take care of the parents, until, your brother realizes his own mistakes and come back with unity with all of you.

Until then, kindly do not discuss about the past incidents with your parents, rather try to pacify them by taking them around some important temples, picnics, so that they can come out of the mental stress and agony.

This is my point of view and not to pinpoint anyone's sentiments here....GOD bless..

Regards
Malathi

 

Yogi,
what bothers me about your posts is that you are saying your brother is asking your mother to apologise. If he is the one who is wrong, what does he need apologies for? I guess there is hurt and pain on the other side too. Anyways who ever is at fault, the important point is it is extremely painful for a mother to cut off ties with her own child. Only a mother can understand this. I would say let your mother do what she wants to do. Let her go and meet her son. If your father doesn't want to go, it is better that he doesn't. She can take a relative or a friend who has a good relationship with your brother. There is no need for apologies from either sides. Your mother can just go and see her son, give him a hug and come back. Sometimes, it is better to not say anything. Sometimes, when some issues cannot be resolved, it is better to sweep them under the carpet.

Some sons and dils blow small issues with ils into gigantic proportions and put all the blame on Ils so that they can cut all ties with her parents/ILs, shun all their responsibilities towards them and can have relationship with only dil's side of family. If you and your family is smart, you wouldn't let this happen. Let bygones be bygones, maintain a cordial relationship with your brother, even if it is superficial. That will keep the doors open for him to come back.