Brother's wife destroyed the family

Dear Yogic1,

First of all, it happens in every family. Glad that you chose a wonderful life amidst all the issue..

Two things are clear..

1. Your brother don't call your parents.
2. Your brother don't send money to your parents.

It's good for your parents to cut off the knot now. I know they might be worrying about their son as they had so much love on him. It would certainly hurt them a lot and it would take time to heal. I would suggest your parents to let him fly. He will surely comeback one day realizing all his mistakes. Believe in God, he will teach every aspects of our life. Now talking about the past will not bring a change rather it would stir up the wound further !

Please console your parents and comfort them with your love and affection. Support them financially if they are in need for it. Ask your parents not to expect your brother's call or any financial support from him. Tell them to live every moment of their life. The moment your parents start ignoring him, they will find happiness in the family. It works !

PS: Dear Yogic, as per forum rules, SMS style of texts aren't allowed. Please look into it.

 

ahhh its pathetic .....yogic1 i just like this coz u shared ur pers issue here and its learning for others ... dont worry God is seeing every thing ....why ppl change wid their ego, attitude?? cant say....its their problem...everyone is different in this world...some r kind and some r clever....its their attitudes and if some body is trying to be vry vry smart they'll pay for it one day

anyways u and ur sis take care of ur parents and make urself proud and forget ur sil and bro....they'll pay for it one day for wat they r doing...........God bless u and ur family

 

Whatever u mentioned ur bro did with ur mom is true then frankly, its very bad and ur bro and sis-in-law are really thankless people and ur mom doesn't deserved to be treated like that. If he kept like that condition to give money for marriage then imo if u haven't accepted that condition and saved money for marriage and dowry by yourself then I guess ur mom wouldn't have to suffer all that. Its really sad.

Whatever your sil did to u and ur family is nothing but plain jealousy. She herself is disabled and maybe have lots of inferiority and not happy with her own life, hence she can only feel better if she pull other down. Some people are like that, they get pleasure in hurting others and putting others down. But one thing I never understand that how can u share your passwords like this, they were ur bro and sil, not ur boyfriend or husband, I would not even tell my boyfriend, if the relation was so good that u can trust to the extent of sharing passwords, then just because you found good match, she made ur brother cut u off just because of jealousy, I can understand what you must have gone thru. But I am just curious, did u shared passwords only with bro, or with sil too, if u shared only with bro, then dear it is wrong to blame sil all alone, actually its ur own bro who never wished good for u, and let us assumed that ur sil turned him that way, but ain't he was a grown man who knows what is right and whats wrong? And just after you got match, it is obvious that ur sil cut u off out of jealousy, but what excuse she used to make herself and ur bro cut u off, have u ever asked him what wrong u have done for he is treating u like this? Is he not talking to ur sis too? I guess it was ur own bro who might be jealous of u, or he and his wife had a strategy to misguide you because they might have fear that if u get good match, u will have better life than them or they didn't wanted u to reach USA, whatever the reason maybe but all this happened out of plain jealousy. I can say this, I have seen people like this, who are themselves not satisfied with their own life so can't tolerate others having better life than them, and sometimes they try to spoil other's life by controlling or manipulating if they get any authority over them, for eg: in ur case ur sil deleting msgs, giving wrong msgs to prospective grooms, misguiding u, etc. I have passed from something like this, my maternal aunts and uncles were too much interfering in our life but my mom nvr understood their intention, they were showing me wrong matches and they came up with proposal of my ex & despite my aunt were knowing all bad things abt my ex, she purposefully hide it & insisted my mom to get me married to him, however I can't blame her all alone, being an adult I too was fooled and couldn't recognize my ex, so it was my fault too.

Anyways its all over now, good that u got better match and settled in married life, now both u and ur sis give tons of emotional support to ur parents, convince them that u are there for them, tell them to accept that their son has changed now and not keep hope on him, tell them its hard to forget one's child but the more they expect love from him the more they will be disappointed, so not to expect is the key to peace and happiness. If u or ur sister are in a position to call ur parents and stay with u then I guess u should do it so that they can have a positive change and get to spend time with u and ur family. u and ur sis should take care of your parents and forget ur bro and sil, karma will show them one day for wat they r doing. And remember, if someone is showing attitude, show double attitude to them, u ur sis and ur parents should ignore your bro more than he ignore you, this way one day he might realize his mistakes and may come back to u. Some people are like that, until u show care for them they can't digest and don't value it, and show attitude or ignore u, but when u start ignoring them for long time, they will want ur attention. All of u must ignore him fully and behave like u don't care if he wants relation with u or not. When someone is bad with you, show them tht u are much happy in ur life without them. Explain this to ur parents and advice them to stay happy, why to spoil health and heart for ungrateful son who doesn't care for them.

 

I too would say, time for your parents to show the tough side....i.e put your brohter in his place.

Unless your parents STOP taking or answering your brothers calls he wont understand that all he has in this world is his wife n kids and parents n siblings. these are the people who will come to our rescue in times of need.

What they did to you or how they stopped sending money all that is done and past. but atleast from now on, pls suggest to your mom not to pick up your brothers calls for couple of months and see how things change!! really....dont you teach manners to kids? by being tough? she has to start being tough and not answer your brothers calls. (even if there is some dire need all you guys can do is listen and say sorry or feel sad and cry right?? you guys cant run to him to help him isnt it?? because he is far far away!!!!) when everhe cant show his wife his point, and when he cant win over in arguments iwth his wife, I guess thats when he calls parents and starts talking crap to take off that steam.....very bad habit. time to not answer his calls. put a caller id and ignore all his calls. to make your mom strong, keep calling her andtell her every day dont pick up his calls for some time.....even if she picks up...the moment he starts yelling, hangup the call. he has to get the message loud n clear that his abuse is not acceptable. TEll your mom that if she keeps letting him do what he wants to, the next turn will be yours or your elder sisters!! or whom will he call to blast after your mom is not around?? give all possible explanations to your mom and makeher emotionally strong. sometimes you got to know when to cut it short and move on in life for peaceof mind.

 

okay I didn't read this post before, to this I think Srividya has given gr8 advice, ask ur mom to ignore him and not pick up his calls. Your mom is actually getting carried away emotionally, she is mother afterall, she will need lot of more time to accept it. But u keep telling her what is the advantage of ignoring him and not only she'll get peace of mind but there would be hope that by this tough love, ur bro will realize his mistakes one day. Keep reminding her what ur bro did to her and there is no point on keeping hope on such person and it is just better to show them tough love so that they learn lesson and come to terms and fall on earth, tell ur mom, its not revenge, but it is better to put him in his place. keep telling her, hope she gets ur point. God bless ur mom and family.