Brother Has No Boundaries

problem is not your brother in law. problem is your spouse. both are grown men. i do not understand what is there to talk for hours. both need to change some life style. your BIL lifestyle is unhealthy and dangerous. introvert is not an excuse. have a calm talk with dh at home. dh needs to ask bil to change and add some healthy ways. like a walk , yoga . even therapy. something . even dh is so co-dependent on him as enabler. it needs to reduce slowly.

 

Start talking about another man in front of your husband. Seriously how can grown men behave like this. Are you sure it’s his brother and not someone else? It sounds like those men who lie to their wives they’re having a business meeting when in reality it’s another women they’re talking too.

 

You have husband problem, not brother in law problem. Your spouse doesn't have boudnaries.

Also, instead of asking him to give up all his evening time after 8 pm for you, maybe tell you need 1 or 2 hrs of his time after dinner, just for you. Time box it, he can do whatever before or after..

 

As @Rihana rightly said, you can't make your husband want couple time which he doesn't want or doesn't want as much as you want.
Uninterrupted couple time after marriage is an overrated thing according to me. Yes, it was magical when we were very young with no commitments or responsibilities towards life. We demanded couple time, and enjoyed it a lot. Thanks to our age, and the hormones and the privacy we had that time.

At 40, our priorities are different from what it was some 20 years back.
For me, the priority is uninterrupted sleep at night, and family time at least once a day. We make it at the dinner table most of the times, but there are days at least one of us eat earlier or sleep earlier or has home work or business to handle while others are waiting at the dinner table.

I think perfect couple or family exist only in movies, not in real life. But does that make our life imperfect, NO.
We are perfectly fine with our imperfection. Because the moment one of us need a company, the other leaves everything else to share that shoulder. But we know when and what to expect. This is what life has taught me in these long years of relationship.

Coming to your problem, your spouse is definitely overdoing his brother part here. But, it is your role to ensure that he likes your company than that of his brother. No one can snatch a man if he really loves you and wants quality time with you.
And quality time doesn't mean switching off the phone. It might make him miss his brother more.
He should limit the chats and calls when he comes to be with you. If urgent, he can always attend. If not, these chats can wait.
You both have to take baby steps together. Don't expect him to switch off his phone after 8pm and stay with you till he falls asleep by 11pm or so. It is not easy.
Perhaps, he has slowdown the calls by 8pm, and switch it off by 10pm if he winds up his day at 11pm. In between you guys can have your time.
It is not the calls, but the attention matters.