Bro's wife issue . please suggest

Don't come between a man and his wife.

Unless she is outrageously mistreating your brother or your parents, make concessions to keep the peace.

In this situation, you can only lose. Your brother and mom accept her this way, you have to keep the harmony.

Look at all the other posts of interfering SIL's and DH who collapse under their mother and sisters words....arent they the weak ones?

 

yes very often.I called him all types of names.But he too calls me buffalo (funnily) and other names.We are best friends before husband and wife.

 

The
We are upper middle class people, My bro married a girl from a lower middle class family. Arranged marriage. We did not take a single rupee as dowry as we r against that system.

Come on dear, both statements contradict a lot. Rama is truest of true gods. I am strong believer of secularism.lol

My bro's wife (SIL) is the only child of her parents. She has many cousins who are close to her.
Before marriage she told my bro that he has to take her parent's responsibility. when they are staying away, he has to help them even financially. my bro agreed as we all thought the girl comes from a very good family/background.

I read your statement as this - Though she has many cousins she wants my poor bro to take care of her parents even financially.
Hahaha whats wrong in communicating her expectations . Straight forward girl. I admire her. "If you could take care of my parents at their old age marry me else don't "

I always give my bro n his wife gifts of huge amount. my wedding gift for them was 3 lakh. I gave her gold earrings next year. Then I gave her iPhone. Then I gave her costly dresses. I helped them financially and gave them few lakhs. I am not a rich person. I am an NRI with good salary and my DH helps financially all the poor people he knows. So I thought of helping my people from my little savings.

Lol dear - you have money so you are giving , I mean sorry helping poor people. So you want them to love you. Treat you like a princess.

You go there for two days and trying to change your moms mind with your analogy. Trying to make people act in favour of you.

Now, all I expect them is to love me. My SIL should say "Oh Didi , you have come to India after 2 years. please don't do any work during your vacation. I will serve you good food. " but to my surprise I found during my first visit to india after 2 years that my Mom doing all the stuff and when food is ready she calls SIL and serves her. My bro has become joru ka gulam. Goes behind her in every room. she speaks to him like "Oye ! tera dimag to thik hai na?" in front of everyone and my bro does not even back answer. She takes care of my Bro (ONLY) otherwise. Does a lot of PDA in front of us and most importantly does not give a **** to me. She is an extremely sweet talking person. praises everything my mom does and sits.

She can speak to her husband the way she wants, don't you think you are intruding their personal life. No one will treat you like a princess, unless you. you are jealous that your mom does lot of things for SIL.


I asked my mom to delegate and mom just cant do that. I told my bro in sweet words but he seemed helpless and thinks his wife is the best. I told my dad and he said " we do not want quarrel inside house. till we have even slightest energy we will do everything that we could."
I tried praising my SIL for the work she has done at times but no use.
what can I do ?

Why are you poking nose in their personal things. It's nothing wrong to ask for some pamper. But corrupting your dad and moms mind is really bad. You are trying to create a peace less environment at home without fully understanding the consequences. Your parents are thinking in a way that their DIL keeps their son happy and respects elders. Adapting well with them. They want to be helpful for their Son and DIL. What's wrong with mutually beneficial to each other.

 

Op...looks like your parents really treat their dil like a daughter. She too seems to treat them like her parents...respects them...makes them feel good,enjoys Maa ke haath ka khaana and compliments your mom for it.

Looks like a happy little family to me.

 

well said @vanithaudt
wont it be nice if i get a good person like u as my sil. sigh***

 

@Ragini25 Can you translate this please.Also something similar that OP's Sil said to her Bro

 

:coffee

Oye!...have you lost your mind?(literally.....is your brain/mind okay?)

 

But are your parents complaining?

 

Dear OP,

A similar thread, from an MIL is running in another forum. Almost same scenario except the DIL in that case is extremely rude whereas the one her is sweet, or atleast pretends to be!

OP, by giving them exorbitant gifts, do you always want something in return? I mean, if you were not in a position to gift them, would you still have the same set of complaints from your SIL?

Why on earth it is expected again and again that moment a DIL enters, she should start taking charge of the entire house and should slog at household work from morning till night?

Why can't you arrange a maid/cook for your parent's family so that your diabetic parents are not too stressed out at the end of the day?

Did your family got your brother married because they wanted some helping hand in the household chores? I am sure no, you all wanted a companion for your brother which I think he has very well found in his wife.

Further, even if you expected the DIL to help her MIL, did you talk about this with her before wedding to give her an idea about her level of involvement that is expected once she is married into your family? Even now, does your mom try to involve her in her regular chores? Or is it about expecting silently only?

Most importantly, I completely fail to understand, what is it with the older SILs, instead of thanking god that their brothers have found a suitable girl, for whom they have completely fallen for, why do they think that their brother's have become JORU KA GULAM?

OP, I would suggest here that you need to develop a change in outlook. You should rather feel happy for your brother and family that they have got a cheerful girl.
You feel bad that the girl offers water and food to your parents when they feel low on sugar but doesn't offer help. Why don't you find a help for the parents so that they don't get so worked up at the end of the day.


Seriously, I think this is not a major issue.

 

Everything is fine, they are happy. It is nice they are living together and not fighting saas-bahu .Do not take stress for them.The only problem in this entire scenario is there is no maid.

A daughter's heart always cares for her parents.You are a daughter and you are so worried that your mother should rest at this age and be served. Think about her, she is only child, her parents living alone in old age no one to take care of them. Try to understand her heart and emotions, naturally she just wants to make sure her parents will be taken care of in emergencies.Your parents agreed for this in arranged marriage means she was not asking for a regular financial help- just emergency. Anyway, daughters are equally responsible as sons for taking care of parents, unless they have been discriminated against.

About PDA, even I dislike PDA, I don't know what exactly your brother SIL are decent or not . I feel a newly married couple should live separately for first couple of years of marriage - maybe 3 years atleast.