Bringing up Husband

Don’t lose heart Lakshmi and don’t think of separation, not just yet. I understand when you say “it has to be his idea”. Most men don’t like to think that they have acted upon someone else’s suggestion, least of all their wife’s!

You are right, you need to package the talk like it is his own idea. As I said in my earlier reply, first try to find out what is he really trying to achieve or shy away from.

Second, do you usually take interest in his business –meaning trying to find out what he is doing to make it successful, what options has he tried, what options are available? May be you could get yourself involved in his business (mentally I mean since you stay in a different country). This may help you veer him in a direction that you think is reasonable.

Lastly, I think your husband is unfair in saying that you need to stay in this situation because 10 years ago you did not discuss leaving your job with him. That’s not a fair statement at all. Well, for your defense you did not know that he was going to take this long to make his business successful but you have still stuck with him, right? So don’t let him make you guilt laden by saying this to you.

We are humans and we cannot predict what is going to happen in the future. As humans we can sometimes go wrong in our assessment of a situation. That does not mean we have to be punished for it life long even when we are willing to realize our mistake and make ammends. So this argument of his is baseless. You will still honor your commitments but rather than fighting it out alone you’d like to do it together. Nothing wrong with that.

On the price of financial independence, I will share just a few thoughts.

I agree that financial independence has come with a certain price to all of us women. No doubt about that. But I think what we need to learn to do is offset this price with some gains. I think that’s where most of us go wrong.

We don’t flinch a bit to pay the price. But when it comes to taking something in return for the price we have paid we start shying away and being unnecessarily and unreasonably generous. We don’t have to be like that at all. We either become too giving to the point of being submissive or we become really mad and become overly aggressive because we’ve had enough and are not willing to take it anymore. We don’t have to be either.

For most women too much deprivation leads to extreme retaliation. To avoid this we must give ourselves the small returns that we deserve from time to time. Financial independence does not have to come at such a steep price.

Wish you all the very the best.
SS

 

Hi,
I am sorry If I do sound too upfront about your situation. I think your dh is taking you for a ride financially. let me give u an example of my friend.
I have a friend who is IT person for a while had this dream of doing bizness . Only rule was her dh will give like $10K if she cant succeed then she better wind it down which she eventually did.since it did not work.

You need to put down your foot on supporting him financially. He has taken you & money from you for granted. It will be very very hard.........BUT you may have to stop it for a while.IT has become like an addiction for you dh unfortunately.

I am sorry if I sound rude.............you can disregard what I said here......BUT I feel that is the only way to get some start somewhere.

Jaya

 

totally agree with this thought. you do not deserve to bear so much pain

 

Very old thread.