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Brainwash by parents can make husband feel guilty for loving his own wife!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by adimad, Oct 19, 2013.

  1. Oct 19, 2013 #1
    adimad

    adimad Silver IL'ite

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    What do you make of this – my husband posted on Facebook that he is finding it hard to cope with being away from his “better half” after 4.5 years of togetherness, but hid that post from his mother, sisters, cousins and anyone else who could have informed his mother what he posted.

    This was when I was in my first trimester having a horrible time with being sick and the bothersome smells, tiredness, being unable to cook, depression, mood swings and every other joy of being pregnant. I won’t get into the sinister details of how and why, but my MIL made my hubby leave me alone for 4 weeks here in another country during this time. In that physical and emotional condition it was extremely difficult to cope with a demanding full time job, taking care of the house and being all alone in a house that we had moved into recently. I was so far away from any family member – they are all in India.

    Hubby promised we’d talk everyday but didn’t happen everyday coz of time difference and simply the fact that he wasn’t getting a chance!! Imagine not getting a chance to call your own wife… apparently he needed to be alone to do that (but why? I m his wife!) and was obviously not left alone…

    And then when he missed me badly because of this, he put that post on FB and hid from his family!!! I felt like I am some illegitimate lover of his or something!! He wasn’t like this here – God knows what was fed to him by his family that made him feel guilty for being in love with his own wife pregnant with his child!

    He had no answer for this behaviour when I confronted him, but said he wont behave this way again. Don’t know if I overreacted because of hormones or if I am reading into it too much. Do most married Indian men behave this way – feeling guilty for loving their wife? Can brainwash really work to that extent? and WHy oh why do parents do that to their own son... cant they see their children happy??
     
    adimad, Oct 19, 2013
    adimad, Oct 19, 2013
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  2. Oct 19, 2013 #2
    tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Strangely, even I felt like some sort of "illegitimate set up" many times.
     
    tulipzz, Oct 19, 2013
    tulipzz, Oct 19, 2013
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  3. Oct 19, 2013 #3
    sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Ahhhh, this is soooo true. It happened with me too. Damn these people who make such a mockery of marriage. :rant All I can tell is ignore him. If he does not have time for you, you too don't need him as much as he thinks. Stay aloof, talk minimal when he calls. Give him the taste of his own medicine. (its easier said than done, especially with pregnancy hormones and all....)
     
    sweetshreya, Oct 19, 2013
    sweetshreya, Oct 19, 2013
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  4. Oct 19, 2013 #4
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Some guys do it because they feel guilty of showing love to someone outside of his blood family because they are taunted for it by the parents.

    Some do it because they are shy of showing their family that they are in love....the dreaded emotion they have been warned against by family all through adolescence and teenage.

    Some guys are totally clueless that they behave differently in front of their family.
    Once you point towards their strange behavior.....they are genuinely surprised.


    My husband falls in the third category.
    The first time his parents came to visit us...he behaved like a stranger in front of them for two days. Finally I asked him why he was behaving like a brother in front of his family....he was surprised and said"really?"

    The next day he decided to make amends and was all over me in front of them...kissing me and hugging me and generally fawning over me....to my extreme embarrassment.I had to pull him aside and ask him"do you only have a first and forth gear.....nothing in between?"........he was so confused.

    Dear OP ....now that you have pointed it out to him....there may be some change. Do talk to him and let him know how you feel disrespected and as a wife you expect better. Do it in a loving way. You may see a change. When you are with him in front of his parents...show your love for him. Don't be bothered by the inlaws. Take the initiative.

    If he doesn't call...you call him and talk like a loving wife.Let him know you both are the same even in front of his parents.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2013
    yellowmango, Oct 19, 2013
    yellowmango, Oct 19, 2013
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