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Borrowing Stuff From Neighbours

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by sanjuruby3, Sep 8, 2022.

  1. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    i have only one indian neighbor and i feel few things odd about her.
    She is always asking even small small things. First i felt happy that it is just like India, and understand its part of life and social set up... but now i feel odd, specially in US/outside, people do not ask much
    Asking strange things, everyday usage things, things to travel along for India trip like 3 months and that we are also using it ( also not mentioning she wont be able to return for 3 mo)
    Infact we started knowing each other when they moved in, asked something and did not return it till 3 months. Asking to take care of kids for longer periods frquently.
    asking to leave her infant as well with my infant
    Her kid was always at my house for continuously morning to evening.. Dropping for movies, shopping etc for straight 3-5 hrs.

    With her, i also started asking things which I normally refrain but i have my limits, outside kitchen stuff i do not ask gadgets.

    I want to understand personality...they donot think much. Sometimes i say no to unreasonable requests and go on guilt trip.. but here we go, she comes again with something else. She has become good friend now but i feel few things odd before we became friends, asking some sort of stuff from person you do not know

    Do you have such people in your circle and what kind of unreasonable things they ask?
     
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  2. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    These are friends who think others exist to serve them and their needs, free things and free childcare etc sounds like she is using you, just limit your interaction.
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    There r people like this everywhere.I used to keep blaming myself why the heck I keep meeting people who take advantage but then I realize some people need to have the decency to keep their boundaries.Next time when she drops tell her that u have to go out somewhere.Two or three times do this.She May hate you but who cares coz that person won’t be worth it.Trust your gut instinct.Anyone who makes u uncomfortable and crosses boundaries are not worth it.
     
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  4. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Actually there are so many things i do not write here for the sake of anonymity but feels strange to me that she ( call her X) asked.

    Over the time, i started getting annoyed but then also i was going thru depression phase and few things person did....now i feel okay venting out here and ready to deal with it smartly. ...X has become good friend so now asking has just increased.

    Overall person is really a good person, just bit opportunistic, practical ,advantage or value you can get out of this person. All calculations, less emotions.
    Detailed conversations for longer time, made me bit more nervous when i realized she knows a lot more about neighbor and their shopping habits as well merely by looking at their shopping bags. Quietly walking in the neighborhood person notices all...Same was in my case with X. Without knowing me very well ( many years ago) , she knew things i have and not.
     
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I avoid people like this and don’t waste my time trying to analyze their motives. I have seen many examples of this in India also and learned how to handle it from my mom.
    They are only interested in using others. The minute you say no they will move on to the next bakra.
     
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  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Have one lady in my neighborhood who borrows saris n many other stuff like your neighbour. She always has to look more beautiful than others. Even for going to the market she would dress up to grab attention. Once she had a function to attend and she was hunting for saris. I asked her why dont you buy saris more than other outfit especially since she has so many functions,parties and marriages to attend. She said all the people are same in her circle and they have seen her saris, so she doesnt want to repeat. Believe me she has not bought a sari of her own in four five years. Just few days back she attended a function wearing someone else's saris n jewellery and she looked more stunning than the hostess.
    These kind of people just use others for their benefit. They have a thick skin and dont attach any emotions to anyone, also dont have a conscience also. If not you, they will go for the next bakra.
     
  7. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    ohh those people are really tough to get rid of. If you give something to them they dont give till they need the next thing. Now if you take things from them with some lenience, they will blame you outright that you spoiled something.
    I had a friend who used to come to my house asking to keep paranthas ready. and used to take the remote and browse all channels herself, take stuff from fridge and eat it. I wanted to be a good hostess and liked the feeling of "head office" for all friends who used to collect at my place. Once I was nearby her house and went in. It was hot so when she asked chai, I said butter milk would be better. She started making and I added a spoon of curd and she got so restless and was yelling... hey take only half spoon I need to eat it later in the day. I mean she has a supermarket so close by, couldnt she have bought one considering she takes so much freedom in my house?
    Dont go on a guilt trip denying services to her. Please do only what you want to (not what you can. We CAN do a lot of things but do we WANT to do ?) so relax.
     
  8. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly....
    When she asks, we can actually do those things but we may not be comfortable giving those things or providing those services.
    Some things are for comfort but used frequently. not necessity in life but you spent money, while someone else did not. So why should they take it for their comfort to avoid money spending.

    I feel in social web we all need and depend on each other so little bit of favors on each other is fine and helps bonding as well. However, in my case, i feel over due of favors from my side. And we are such people, if some one feeds us 1 cup of tea, we feed them 10 times to get out of favor.

    About buttermilk friend of @sociallifein30s - I hear you.. we give so much freedom to some people in our home and expect same from them.. I have same friend. She puts on slipper in my house.. i want to keep shoes on, etc etc. When we go to their house, little bit slipper in, immediately her H starts saying, slippers out. Now they bought new house, and for empty house, and just for pee trip - he asked my kiddo to take slippers out so wood wont get bad.. what about our wood with poking heels.
    Now another friend has rule to keep slippers completely out.. not even inside door... but she comes in to our new wood, happily walks in slippers all the way.
    Seriously, I feel like i should stop inviting friends...people take advantage.
     
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  9. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    so true ...
     
  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    12 feet ladder was often needed in maintenance of my single storied independent house. To save hiring charges of about ₹100 per day, i bought one such ladder and that came within knowledge of entire neighbourhood. Possessing a ladder soon became headache for me as every day some one needed and taken it for granted to have it free from me without minding inconvenience to my family members.

    There were instances where i had to go and collect it back at my expense in order to lend it to another friend in neighbour hood. It was exasperating.

    My spouse suggested to put a printout notice written in bold letters “12 Feet Ladder available on rent per day ₹100 and deposit ₹600. Surprisingly this helped not that in making some money but total absence of demand from neighbourhood.

    An electrician of the area needed the ladder to attend to repairs at the top of the street light pole. He used to often take mine in the past. After seeing the post of hiring charges, he ceased asking me. Previously he used my free ladder to carry out repairs in some other buildings and happily collecting ladder hire charges from parties who engaged him for carrying out repairs in their building.

    When as family, we stayed in rented house as sub-tenant, another sub tenant used to often borrow coffee powder sugar milk from other sub tenants. My mom once told her when she came for two ladles of coffee powder, bring two laddles of sugar to “me“ and then only i would give 2 ladle powder. She borrowed sugar from elsewhere and took powder from my mom.

    The tendency or temptation to borrow is sometimes comparable to that of kleptomaniac. They get a kind of excitement, thrill or and feel triumphant when they get articles/ groceries from neighbour friends.

    Sometimes one borrows to prevent borrowers approaching him or her. A lady put a notice “today no credit tomorrow borrow” at the entrance to avoid this menace from sub tenants in the building.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2022

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