Body Shaming…

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Jul 12, 2023.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband lost a lot of weight .He worked out and I helped him with his diet.His health improved a lot and he felt good.

    One of my cousin brother always comments on his weight as a joke telling he is out of shape.At that time my husband was having a lot of belly fat and though it hurt ,I took it as a motivation to help him lose weight.

    After he lost 30 pounds when the cousin met him, he commented “he still does not look fit.Why is your husband losing weight without any target? He needs to try and be better and have a proper goal”..

    I got triggered and said”Hello! He lost so much weight and that is commendable enough”.

    Now due to job stress he gained 10 pounds and put on some belly fat and is in the process of weight loss again.

    When that cousin met us last weekend..he commented “Tell your husband that he is out of shape”..

    I was so bloody annoyed but my hubby is a cool guy and told me to let it go.

    I just cannot understand some people.Why do they have to comment on someone’s weight casually?? Even if they are trying to help..I feel people can keep comments and opinions to themselves unless they are close or tell it in a constructive and helpful manner alone.

    I will help my hubby again but the problem is..humans will gain or lose weight.It is natural!! Today we will lose some and tomorrow we grow older things might change.

    Some things I feel like commenting on other’s bodies or the way they live,or what they do,marital status or why they don’t have kids etc..some people should really really refrain from commenting and keep their opinions to themselves.

    Also I remember in the past everytime I go to my aunt’s home..she will touch my belly and said”you have put on weight here”.. seriously!!!
    Every single time!!

    Some things I seriously feel people should refrain their comments are….

    1) body weight
    2) Marital status
    3) what they do in their life
    4) Why they don’t have kids
    5) Salary

    People are judgemental it is the way it is but atleast it would be better if they don’t tell it bluntly on others face unless they are close to them or they are their well wishers.It is so uncool.

  2. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

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    some people just want to show other they are better than anyone else so they keep on commenting,next time your cousin say same dialogue tell him you lose weight,get in good shape and show us... or before he say anything you comment on his weight so he will shut up then...
    i felt very embarrassed when one of my co sis asked me are you done with family planning last time when i visited india with room full of people, such a sense less people..

    again same comment made by someone this lady is pastors wife.. i cant believed i felt very embarrassed we are in room with my husband uncle,and friend.. why people in india ask this kind of stupid question without paying attention whom we are with.

    this india trip my husband uncle came to visit he was non stop in talking and giving us suggestions how to take care of my son, asking whats our salary?????

    sometimes its better for us to put a deaf ear just smile and leave..
    anika987 likes this.
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell him, You too are out of shape.
    anika987 likes this.
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I have seen this in my mother's and father's side of relatives and some (not all) of my childhood friends and neighbors. People freely make comments like listed above and freely ask questions about family planning, still having sex, how often, sleeping together or separately, salary, mortgage, paid cash of loan for things.

    I feel they don't mean to be rude or nosy. That is how we were brought up. Uncles and aunts and grandparents had full rights to comment on our body. "So thin..." was a comment I heard from so many people even after I started working. Default respect for elders forbade us from replying back in any way. If we met more cultured and educated people and learned that such comments were not nice, and tried to say that to the relatives, we were laughed at. It was considered OK for my uncles to comment on my churidar kurta's snugness as I was stepping out of the house. Apparently they had my best interests at heart.

    So, it is futile to expect such people to understand concepts such as body shaming. Their way of conversation and communication is the only one they know. That is how they talk with each other when they meet casually or in functions - hurtful comments and extremely nosy questions. The same people will also turn up in full support and help each other freely in bad or sad times. They are who they are and the system works for them. That is perhaps their way of bonding or maintaining closeness. Tolerance for such conversations is necessary if one wants to live with them, like them, and enjoy things like the vibrant social life they have, and the ease with which they meet up.

    Our movies too used physical conditions like obesity or dwarfism as sources of humor. It never occurred to the directors or us audience that there could be anything wrong with that. There is a Hindi song "sun sun didi tere liye ek rishta aaya hai", picturized on a bubbly Rekha in Khubsoorat. One line goes:
    "Achhe ghar ka ladka hai Par hak hak..lata hai
    Pa Pa pyari anju zara Pa pa paas to aa ...

    It was only very recently that I realized the song mocked people who had no control over their stuttering.

    What then is one to do? One way to handle such questions or comment is to expect this from them, keep the bar low, accord them grace, and have a curated list of responses ready to use. Just deal with their current comment or question, do not brood on why they are so crass. Don't care about the comments they are sure to make behind your back about your privacy phobia and how you evade their questions or are sensitive about their comments.

    It takes some personal growth and awareness to recognize and respect boundaries a friend or relative has, and to know when it is OK to breach those temporarily, and when to back off.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2023
    swarnamary and anika987 like this.

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