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Black or White

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Dinny, Jan 16, 2013.

  1. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I know this family who had their daughters ultra fair(parents are wheatish).They were so proud that their daughters are so "white(yeah thatz what they used to say)" and used to say openely that they need not worry about their marriage.When I heard for the first time,I felt so sick.But now,both of them are married to dark people("dark" and not wheatish).And both have dark kids.My friend used to tease this girl(say "k") saying looks like your fair skin has let you down.Now K says what is there in color it is just the skin.

    I think it is all about who ruled.I saw a program in Vijay TV where the same topic was discussed and the doc said,if history had been the other way around,if the world had been ruled by black people,by now we would be saying "evvalavu karuppa kalaiyaa irukkaa"(what a dark beauty she is) instead of what a fair beauty.....Before certain years(may be before Britishers came to India) dark was celebrated as we can clearly see Krishna being epitome of beauty and all the god and goddess in dark color.In our place, a dark girl is always praised as "amman maathiri azhaga irukkaa"(as beautiful as a goddess).But after moving to college , it was totally different.

    Ultimately I think it does not matter whether you are black or white but the thoughts matter.If one feels inferior , the other is bound to rule.
     
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  2. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    Bhuvnidhi i can relate to the incident you have quoted.Because there was this lady who used to be very proud of her daughter's fair complexion and she used to tell us that how in every marriage(they attended) her daughter used to get marriage proposals even before her daughter entered college.Then her daughter married a rich dark guy and now she has dark kids.i am not trying to fun of her but if that lady was not so vocal about her daughter's fair skin then today i would not have quoted her like this.
    N yes dark is "in"these days.Mrs Obama was listed as one of the most beautiful woman...but then she's not an ordinary woman...she's the 1st lady of US.Why was she not in this list before her husband became the president???
    Yes there are other examples like Naomi Campbell..she survived amongst the fairest models.But these are rare cases....
     
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  3. seekingpeace

    seekingpeace Silver IL'ite

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    Am dark ( average brown - typical south indian color) and i have experienced and seen a lot, in terms of this dark/white...

    unfortunately this skin color is seen not only for marriage..but also by some ppl in jumping to conclusions abt a person as well..have seen a lot of times in college where guys wud talk to a fair girl and ignore the dark one ( beauty didnt count here..only the color did)..

    this was even brought in the movie "mujse dosti karoge" where Rani is ignore coz she is dark..

    i have also seen/experienced where few ppl talk only to fair ppl and think that dark skinned are not worthy of conversation/friendship... i have always ignored and steered away from these kind of ppl..

    seen this behavior in shops as well..where preference is given to fair skinned..

    Why blame ILs/elders alone when this is prevalent among many youngsters..again not all..only very few..maybe they wud have learnt it from elders /peers/some movie..

    i have also seen instances where fair skinned girls have married dark guys..

    judging a person by their skin reflects the shallow mentality of those ppl..helps me to filter my friends easily !!

    all this said..unfortunately my own grandmom ( mother's mom) goes by skin color..infact my grandmom is fairskinned while my mom is not ( mom's sister and brother are though)..and my grandmother had and has remarked a lot of times to my mom that she is dark skinned..( in her childhood and even in front of me)..and the result..my mom developed an inferiority complex ( as a kid ) that she is dark skinned...and has still not come over it thanks to my grandmother...
     
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  4. SaleemaRex

    SaleemaRex Gold IL'ite

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    I have 2 daughters so not sure if I am eligible to post my opinion in this thread but doing so anyway....

    Mutual attraction is important in a husband and wife relationship at least during the initial stages. Attraction could be based on looks, personality, or other qualities. Unfortunately for some attraction is linked to skin colour.

    Few of my favourite actors (Will Smith, Denzel Washington) and singers (Will.I.Am, Usher) are black. I personally don't care about skin colour....

    My kids can marry whoever they want.... the guy can be black, white or any colour in the middle... My grandkids would be beautiful to me no matter what their colour is and that is a FACT!
     
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  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks Saleema, Amniki, bhuvnidhi for acknowledge the problem that dinni was mentionin in her original post.

    Amniki, its so true what you said about elders saying negative things about their own children and completely destroying their confidence. I have seen this happen in many families and what starts as skin color issue ends up creeping into other areas and makes people inadequate.

    In your example where people talking to fair people, one reason could also be the dark person due to insecurities end up being more socially awkward and in turn others start treating them differently which further reinforces their insecurity. Just a vicious circle....

    saleema- Agree with what you said about mutual attraction is very important in a marriage. Why marry someo ne you are not attracted to....

    Hopefuly, one day people can see past skin color and acknowledge that beauty comes in all colors.
     
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  6. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    few things won't change inIndia
    Love for fair skin
    And Mil's worry , how will be my dil?:)
    Generations will come and go but our thinking will be same.
    I am surprised that people think of deepika padukone, and nandita das as dark! I have seen Indian women darker than them specially in certain parts of india.and personally from no angle I think deepika is dark, in fact she has lovely Indian complexion. About kareena kapoor, she is fair as her genes are pathan, they come from a area where people are fair skinned with light eyes. Even her mom is Sindhi born in Pakistan hydrabad so her complexion is genetic.


    Op about your Q I am in a inter religion ,intercaste inter state marraige, so I don't think I will stop my kids to marry someone they like, but the only thing I will advice them from is converting into any religion just to get married to the person because if you like someone you accept them as they are and that also includes their religion.if someone says my religion is better and you should follow only this ,I don't think they are worth it!
     
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  7. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    FS,
    In Indian system means, a system where male and his family are primary authority. Unlike Indian system means, a system where both male and female have primary authority .
     
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  8. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Amniki
    It hurts to know how your grandmother's words effected your mom's life.Let me quote my case i am dark(in south India i will be quoted as avg dark and in north India i am definitely Dark).In my family(maternal) from my great grandmother to my mother they are all extremely fair types then i was born :) So people around me used to say all sorts of things(like i dont look like my mother's child at all) Though my mom,grand mother & father were extremely supportive of me.And the shameless person that i am all those comments hardly bothered me.well my mantra was "people throw stones only on those trees which bear fruits".Thankfully for me in my inlaws house both my inlaws are dark but my husband, sil are fair types.And so my son is a shade between mine and my husband's. :D
    We are the real colored family.But that debate on TV did hurt me somewhere and thats why this thread
     
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  9. niti123

    niti123 Silver IL'ite

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    I am the only brown one in a fair skinned extended family. I think I am adopted and that is the only possible explanation. As a kid I was made fun off by my aunt who never liked me. Most other people were warm and friendly and my parents always loved me. My grandma who loves me a great deal, is actually prejudiced towards dark skinned people. Especially she makes disparaging comments about dark people before me. Though it wasnt intended for me, it always hurt me. I was considered pretty otherwise but again when marriage deals kept coming I was at times rejected outright as I wasnt fair. Then I got married to another family of some fair people who were fair (just) as well. Some cousins of my DH kept asking him - u married this girl for the dowry right?... Initially even I thought so, only to change my opinions now. My DH has confessed that he absolutely loved my looks when he saw me. Our DS has inherited the so called fair (so unfair) genes. My DH says he wants a daughter who looks like me. I really amnt bothered now about my complexion as my DH doesnt care at all. He absolutely loves me the way I am.

    It is the society who are the real pain.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2013
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  10. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi dinny- I am glad the views of some really petty and silly people did not affect your life. And happy to know that you married into a family that were nor persecutory towards you.

    You had the right attitude growing up and maybe some of the the credit goes to your your parents for instilling that confidence in you. After all it is true that no matter what the bitter people say : Living well is the best revenge!!!
     

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