Black or White

You are right CW. Thread has taken some other direction.:rotfl
dinny, please PM the mods if you want the thread to stay more or less on course.

before this, there was a discussion. After that so many advises.:rotfl then realisation part...
Anyways, sorry dinny for being a part of this deviation. :bowdown

 

alright, since the thread is way off course...sdiva20, i came here originally because of my own marital problems, there are some awesome members here who take the time to be helpful. i have stayed on if i can in turn use what has helped in my situation for the many others who post with their issues.

you, sdiva20, on the other hand, in your own words, by your own admission, have nothing in common with the women who post on IL and were planning to stop posting anyway" and that's ok, but i wondered why you continue to hang out at IL if that is so. and i see thus far, it is only to disparage indian culture, mock at all the " regressive things you have learned on IL", and to express amazement at how much indian women put up with in regard to husbands and extended family. on the other hand i have yet to see any constructive suggestions for women in these situations. it's one thing to hypothesize and another to face it in real time. the least one can do is emphatize.

 

Okay, before I get to see another post by luckywife or coolwinds....gals please.....!Chill!

dinny asked your opinions on a topic, if you have more to contribute on this, kindly continue, else leave!

I do not think, not replying to a particular offensive post will spoil your image in IL, it will just show your maturity level of not getting into the mess and plus your 'like' for the OP and her thread topic...

Can we all please stop this and continue our debate /discussion on the related topic.

Thanks all for your co-operation!

 

you are right, Riddhima. apologize for adding to the thread diversion.

 

ok, i will write something sexist. Boys are in good in debating.

 

Hee hee. Start a thread, Fencesitter.

Dear, poor, overworked Riddhima, :hide: for above suggestion.

 

Indian heroines seem to be fond of white men these days?! Ileana is seen with an Australian guy in an award ceremony, recently. she broke my heart.

 

CW: Since you singled me out to point out my lack of “empathy” etc etc I feel compelled to respond to your post. I feel that I may have inadvertently hit a raw nerve and for that you seem to harbor some latent anger or even deep rooted animosity towards me.

Firstly, sorry to hear about your marital problems and glad that you got great advice here. Hopefully you have found the happiness and peace you seek and deserve.

However, in bold words, you have attributed some words to me that I don’t believe I said. Even assuming I said that, let me be the first to admit I was completely wrong. I share a lot with MANY members here on these forums. This website boasts of a million plus members and statistically it is impossible to say I share Nothing in common with ANY member.

I share a lot in common with MANY- some because of similar views points or ideas, some because of shared interest or life events or just because even if life paths are completely different, I relate to them and/ or THEY relate or ME (hard as it is for you to believe). Evidence if from the PM’s (over 25 from various users in past couple of weeks) I received not just from some people who I have interacted with on forums, but also people who I never did but who took time to write to me that either they like my views or my outlook towards life. In fact, a very sweet girl said to me if and when she has a daughter, she would want her to be like me- touched by her beautiful compliment.

Since you wonder why I hang out here, let me clarify – I do it to because of how much I do share in common with so many. I am a woman and I relate to other women’s issues very strongly. My posts could be radical for some but they are very consistent as far as my views are concerned. I don’t change positions and deliberately try to “rabble rouse” just to be contrary and stir up people. If you don’t want to read or respond, I will quote your own words “ the ignore button is your friend”.

You see everything in black (no pun intended- OP) because perhaps your opinion of me is very colored. Let me address every point you raised:

You say I “disparage Indian culture”- I am not sure what you by that. I am not sure if you realize but I am Indian so why would I do that? I was not aware you were the custodian of Indian culture. Again if you do believe that-, my advice is “the ignore button is your friend”.

“Mock regressive things…IL”- Well by definition, the word regressive has a negative connotation to me. So is that not a good thing to mock it? Well, regardless, guilty as charged, I guess!!! You do realize that that is the first NCIE thing you said about me ???

“Express amazement at how much Indian women put up……extended family”- This point deserves an essay in itself. This has so many sides to it. Buy short answer- Yes I express amazement at how SOME (maybe many ) as you say put up with so much atrocities from husband or IL's and still put on a brave face and try to be good mothers/ wife and DIL. I will never be able to do that.
Amazement= surprise, bewilderment, mind- boggling…….yes it is true

You have not seen constructive suggestions because you choose not to see it. Or perhaps they are not conforming with your views. When there is a situation that sounds serious, I am careful of how I calibrate my answer because I don’t know who I am dealing with and what the repercussion of my suggestion would be on their life, if they take my advice. Secondly, my answer based on what I would do hoping the OP would take that as an option see if that fits with their life.

Most importantly, I am not really a QUALIFIED professional to try and solve marital and other problems and can only answer to something based on what I would do or what I know to be true based on my limited knowledge.

I know even if I wrote all these you are only going to find a word or sentence to parse and find faults. And that is ok……..animosity and negativity does not have much place in my life as I love to be happy.

 

Diva..by ur own admission..u have wonderful parents,married to a nice man with decent PIL.... So why the hostility. Please dont deny it...it comes out in every post...against PIL,joint family,India, Indians,...ironically a system that actually worked in ur favor.

Typically one has deep rooted anger and hostility issues because one is a victim of a system in someway.
You I cannot place...I dont buy that u are moved by posts in Indus Ladies. People are touched everyday by posts on IL..but we all also realize that there is more to India than rel forum posts. We know that because our lives are a standing example of the good that the system had to offer. We reach out to help..but there is never any anger. For now...all I see is ur constant attempts to justify ur life and ur choices.You haven't made peace with it... I think its about time you do.
Adios!