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Biscuit and the Policeman

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jan 2, 2013.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Biscuit and the Policeman​

    It was an amusing article yesterday, with a pic of the inspector distributing biscuit packets to policemen.

    Seems policemen were on duty on 31st night in Mumbai, and they were to patrol the streets of Mumbai. Now all thru the night, u might feel hungry ! As u have to make sure u have to catch drunk drivers, so the policeman cannot afford to have a drink on the sly eh ! And he needs something to munch too, for he is human and can feel hungry.

    So the kind chief of police had a bright idea, and he gave each policeman 2 packets of biscuits, to munch thru out the night. As the doctors said later that eating just biscuits can cause yr blood sugar to go haywire. The cops were grumbling , but the kind police chief said, “ this is all u guys will get, til;l last year no one offered u anything, this year I have had a special budget passed to allow these 2 packets of biscuits for u, and I see u are all ungrateful eh! If u don’t like this, u are free to leave the police service !!!

    Well marta kya na karta, they lumped it, and went on the roads. Now just imagine Kamalji as the policeman, eating biscuits, not drinking whiskey as he is on duty, not eating kebabs but biscuits , how would I feel eh ! Well since I can make a lot of money on New Year Eve, taking bribes to let fellows go, can I tell a fellow coming out of the restaurant, hey buddy listen, do me a favour, take this money, and please pack a plate of biryani for me, and some kebabs ? Otherwise I will have a female cop in plain clothes, my partner inc rime, I would tell him, I will arrest u for molesting this poor babe, and we wil make sure u will spend your New year behind bars, all this babe has to do is yell and tear her clothes, and I will be the first to arrive and arrest u. Well the poor fellow will go and buy me my ration, and of course I will pay him money, and what is left over I will give him as tip. I am not looking for charity from anyone, but my right to eat and drink, and maybe fart eh ! The man was not harmed ok, but just warned a little. See u need brains like me to survive in a city like Mumbai.How can I eat buscits with bribe money, I need real meat , u see.

    Then I would tell my collegues, I can arrange this deal for u too, and I would be safe from my collegues too, who even if they receive complaints about me, will cover me up for they too did what I did.How many blessings I will get eh !

    Well something like this happened a few days back, a passenger complained to the customs supredentant, that a policeman was harassing him. When the passenger came out, he went to the green channel, when a policeman told him to go to red channel and even when nothing was found, he was told to go and buy two bottle of X brand of liquor from the Duty Free Shop, and he was given the proper foreign exchange to buy it. And was told to give it to the fellow in the green shirt outside the customs on the road. The guy did it, but complained. The cop was suspended.

    What I don’t understand is this. Where was the fault of the policeman. This passenger had not utilized his quota of liquor, the cop was smart enough to see the opportunity, and he had keep foreign exchange ready, poor cop would earn a few hundred rupees from each bottle, earning legally, rather than taking bribes eh ! I don’t see anything wrong really in what this chap did. I would call this chap real smart, and he knows how to make his money eh !

    Coming to biscuits, I know for certain even dogs these days don’t like biscuits. Don’t believe me, try buying any brand of biscuit, and try giving the street dogs, they wont even smell it, in fact pee on it and go away, I have had that bad expierence. It is just my two dogs Tuffy and Bingo who are like human beings, who love biscuits. My friends when they come over for cards, when we serve them tea and biscuits , even they ask, these are dog biscuits or human, I tell them, I like them and so do the dogs, now u make yr choice which ones they are. HAHA

    This one was funny too. This is what I read today. Ag uy complained that there is a dead body lying in a sack outside their building society, the cops came, with an ambulance and just as they lifted the body to be put in the ambulance, the dead body came alive !!!

    Seems he was a beggar, made good money on new year’s eve, maybe people aer moer generous that day,so he went and bough himself a bottle of whiskey and something to eat. Since he did not have friends, he went alone to this place and had a drink. As he was feeling cold, he bought a gunny bag and slept in it and fell fast asleep ! What a new year for the chap !!!

    My New Year was spent at home, and blogging and replying comments to last blog, and I was a saint first time in life on a new years day, I was veg, I don’t smoke now, and I drank M I L K instead of whiskey, and lived to tell the tale. Why? I will tell u later, ifu are interested.

    Wishing u all friends a very hap[py New Year,and hoping everyone is healthy and prosperous, and shares their prosperity with me, I am not forcing u like the policeman, but u know just giving u an hint.

    KAMAL MAHTANI
     
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  2. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Hilarious Kamalji. Nice ideas you've got. And with this rare talent, you can shine in any industry now. Perhaps the most lucrative offer might come from media, I guess, which seems to be more corrupt than police. Happy new year to you too Sir. -rgs
     
  3. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji was a saint on new years eve.... And tht is why the universe rebelled with thunder and lightning and heavy shower @ my place.

    Many could not have 'fun' because kamalji could not have fun.

    Why this kolaveri? .... Spoil sport.

    Ha ha ha the cop forgot about cameras near the duty free shop eh?
     
  4. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji was a saint, probably that is why the world did not end on the 21st of Dec last year. Which reminds me. I need to go and sue those guys who promised me it would!!!!! What say Kamalji? Can you think up some ruse to sue them? I promise you a 25% cut of the proceeds.
     
  5. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Perhaps Santa was so used to milk and cookies, he chose to stay that way on New years too :) That is a good way to start the New Years Kamalji and I know you have not resolved to stay that way for the rest of the year - if you have, you know it is easy to break!

    Not fair Kamalji, not fair - are we all not sharing our prosperity already mutually spreading joy, cheer and goodness in our lives here and if you didn't know you have shared too more than anyone what with all those blogs and jokes which brings me to where are your jokes now? Come on we need to smile now more!

    Thank you for your wishes and a Happy New Year to you too!
     
  6. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    and I was a saint first time in life on a new years day, I was veg, I don’t smoke now, and I drank M I L K instead of whiskey, and lived to tell the tale.

    OH ! MY ! GOD ! What is the world coming to? suraj hua madham aur chand jalne laga indeed .

    jokes apart, I am very happy that you are taking care of your health. have a healthy 2013 and be the same always :):cheers
     
  7. insha

    insha Gold IL'ite

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    Why no jokes this time..:(
     
  8. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    my dear Kamal
    i too did not have alchohol Champagne this new years eve and I also had only veg food. My friend had bought one non alcohol Champagne which somehow disappeared at the time of opening! And so some of us ended up drining water in the wine glass!
    REALLY!!!
    why no jokes my friend?
    Happy New Year to you and Harsha and the dogs and family
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamalji,

    You celebrated New Year without non veg food, smoke and liquor? Did you celebrate new year eve with all that? Jokes apart, I am so happy that you are talking very good care of your health and I am sure sister Harsha must be very happy about your decision to celebrate New Year the way you celebrated.

    Is Chief of police conveying a message to the police force that accepting bribe is like people giving biscuits to the dogs?

    I wish you and family a very happy new year 2013. Let this new year bring the best in you. We look forward to more and more posts from you with more jokes.

    Viswa
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear RGS,

    This can be a part of a movie script, Salman Khan the policeman, and doing all these stunts in the movie.HAHA

    HAppy New year to u and yr family dear.

    Reards

    kamal


     

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