Hey all, since last 2 years am having separate bday parties as i have different groups and all seem very different. Also i would like to spend time with each and not just call a big unmanageable group to a venue and not be able to talk and total chaos. This year 2 friends didn't like that i had a bigger bash for one group and i had called them to a more quieter yet nicer place in my view. They probably saw some pics of the other event. They are aware i have groups and i did mention separate events but didn't give any details. They indirectly told me that they were surprised that they were separate parties, and they didn't turn up for the party i had planned for them citing "sudden issues" though they had agreed to come prior to this drama. I found this bit odd. Not sure the issue is that they wanted to meet different ppl and were bored with their comfort zone group or the place, and their party seemed low key (leaning towards this though) but this has strained our relationship and I'm really confused on how to react to this.
It depends on the criteria behind "having different groups and all seem very different." If they are clearly separate groups like work friends versus non-work friends, then the two-party arrangement can work, and people generally won’t mind which party they’re invited to. But if the division is less clear, if the people invited to the two parties know each other, then of course some will wonder why they were invited to one event and not the other. It’s human nature: even if we’re not very close to someone, we may feel bad if they aren’t included in the "bigger" event. Calling it a "bigger bash for one group and a quieter, nicer place for another" is your perspective, but that’s not how others will see it. They may feel they were excluded from the bigger celebration. Frankly, if I were in their position, I might also skip. I personally don’t care for this kind of segregation. I wouldn’t end the friendship over it, but I would prefer to avoid such parties. I don't like if someone divides friends or relatives into groups based on vague criteria. A longtime friend of mine invited me to her daughter’s wedding but not her son’s. The reason was probably that they had to limit the number of guests for the son’s wedding. I understood, but for a few seconds, I did feel the prick of being excluded when I saw the pictures on FB. And right now, I know I am not being invited to a few Navaratri and Diwali get-togethers, I was invited last year... Oh well.
Here in Tamilnadu am reminded of the ongoing trend in inviting near and dear to wedding events. They print two different invitation. One inviting to attend the Muhurtham- religious rituals and tying that three knots of turmeric smeared yellow cord - & the other to attend the Reception at late evenings. Some are sent invite for attending both and some are invited for only one of the events. God bless all party-mongers.
Reply- Hi i get your point totally, the groups are separate in the sense the other group i have known for several years maybe 5-6 but her i knew these 2 girls since 5 months only. Also the other group is a much newer group formed and we meet regularly for some events (all part of same yoga class) So the group compositions are very different, there was one girl out of group 1 that she knew but this girl is not part of group 2 at all, she just happened to know her through me. Also my group 1 was meant to be small, but then some friends decided to surprise me and it got big, also the bill was split and at one point i wasn't even aware who all were actually coming, but yes they did ask me if i wanted to include anyone else and as i was going to do group 2 anyways i didn't include anyone from group 2. So to clarify group 1 and 2 don't know each other and there is no overlap as such. But yes i dont wana hurt anyone so suggestions on this wod be gr8 as to need to justify and discuss or leave.
