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BIL is arriving in two weeks...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by monlisa, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends

    I need some suggestions from you…my BIL is arriving here in a few weeks…..he may stay here for few months….this is the first time I am experiencing this situation….no one was in our home before….. I just need some tips to handle any odd situations (if occurs)…. and I know I have to do so many adjustments in every thing….pls ladies suggest me if I have take any precautions….

    I am not against him…he is a good person…but as you know we have to share one room house and one bath room which is very sensitive issue for me…
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2007
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi monlisa,

    A very delicate situation. be careful about how you dress (the reason to say specific is when you are alone with husband it is different) ..but when there is somebody else...

    Your bil also should be a matured guy. and regarding odd situations..it is you people who have to be careful right ...nobody can predict it...

    All the best....:thumbsup

    (monlisa, maridini..thammudo,annayaga bhavinchu..things will take care on their own).
     
  3. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Monalisa,

    I know it is delicate situation as Shanvy says. Is your BIL married or unmarried. Bcos married BIL understands the situation and he can adjust. Unmarried guys expects more from his brother and SIL.

    1) Be careful while making dishes that you know to cook well, bcos sometimes it may turn worst as you are tensed while your BIL is there. My bread uppuma turned very bad a potato was not cooked and i never thought that i can make horrible like this. The tea cup broke when i poured warm tea in the cup when my MIL and Uncle IL came for first time.
    2) Ask his routine everyday and see whether you can adjust it or tell your hubby to discuss how your situation is and what is your routine.
    3) Be careful in whatever you talk. Avoid sensitive topics and know well before what is taboo for a DIL to talk from your hubby. Some families dont like DILs to talk about finance.
    4) Be cool always. Dont get angry when he comments/talks that you dont like. Just think it is a phase of your life that will teach you lot of things. You will know whether you will fit in a joint family or not, after this phase.
    5) Dont treat like him an enemy or special guest. He is part of your family. Tell him before what time you and your hubby has to go to office and clarify that the single bathroom will be busy form this time to this time.
    6) Tell him what days you wash clothes and if he wants some clothes to be washed or ironed to tell you in advance.

    You havent told how old is your BIL, or what is he coming(jobhunt/just like tht), married or unmarried etc.
     
  4. srilak

    srilak Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am in your shoes....I can give u some tips on this issue.

    My BIL has been living with us from the past 4 years(still). So I experienced all the odds and good in this relationship.

    1)First of all, know your BIL's mentality........like not informing everything back to your in laws. For example when u cooked some bad tasted food he souldn't tell that to your MIL......if he did, then you should be very carefull about your BIL.

    2) It will be very difficult sometimes that u can't wear some clothing even in your home. Keep your feminine stuff and some things in hiding place.

    3) Food.....becarefull about this.........to impress him don't make any special breakfasts.....after that it will be a burden for u.....whatever u make daily now that only offer to him.

    4) Site seeing........don't take him to everywhere in the begining...let him first accustomed to new place and then take to the new places to see. Please don't give him the list of what to do and not to do things in the begining.......it will be boring...he will learn slowly...

    I assume he is coming on H1...those people only come on this time...So he will be busy with his job search or he has a job then he will be busy with his work........so give him space he requires........

    Be yourself and don't have to worry too much....but don't try to impress him....it will eventually hurt u.

    In my opinion....whatever we do they don't consider us(SIL) as their own.....from own experience. ........So do your duty..

    Regards
    srilak.

     
  5. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Dress yourself elegantly. SIL is next mother, so treat your BIL nicely. Learn what he likes to eat and cook it for him.

    If you are worried about getting dressed, then complete your dressing 3/4th in the bathroom and then you can go to the kitchen.

    Dont worry.
     
  6. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for all your suggestions...and i will fallow your suggestions and my BIL is not married and dont know much about his mentality .......anyways thanks for the replies:)

    Thanks you srilak for your advice and yes my BIL is coming on his H1visa and he is coming here in search of a job.....its ok to adjust couple of months here....hope he will get a job very soon

    Thanks again friends:)
     
  7. priyauc

    priyauc Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi , ask ur husband to brief you regarding his mentality. Ask ur mil or husband what he likes. after all he is coming for the first time, do take care of him. If you treat him well you will get the respect in return. Ask if he has any special needs or requirements. get those ready for him before he arrives. Do dress decently, when he is around. Also tell him what is your and your husbands routine and lifestyle and what adjustments you can make. Hope he will adjust too. Ask him to feel at home. Make the special dishes for him on weekends and show him around on weekends too. take care dont worry all will go off well, after all he is a family member. by the way, dont discuss any family or inlaws issues with him. talk to him but keep your distance. also dont discuss your personal life.
     
  8. monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks priya for your reply..and will fallow your suggestion but not sure how to start these things ...hope the time comes and they will go by them selves:)
     

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