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Bil/cosister.....and......dh/me!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kalyani2009, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. friend2009

    friend2009 New IL'ite

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    I think your BIL's family should not be interfering with your plans always like this.
    I do not understand why some people poke their noses in other's matters always.

    Let's see what other people here suggest. May be they have a plan for you this time.


    :thumbsup
    friend
     
  2. kalyani2009

    kalyani2009 New IL'ite

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    BIL called yesterday and said he has booked tickets to disneyworld florida for his family and ours and this time his 3 friends along with families are also all going!!!!

    HELP!!!!!:drowning:drowning.........SAVE ME THIS TIME.....PLS......



    Kalyani
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kalyani

    No one can help but your own self!! Time for you to learn saying NO. Put your foot down and tell your husband that its insulting that even without chking your familys availability, his brother booked tickets...though its a NICE gesture..ask your husband to decline for this time and that you wont be able to join them for this time and want to celebrate it with your friends..tell your husband how about we throwing a party at your home with your friends/neighbours this time as past few holidays you have been there...suggest it and see the response...but yes be firm and say you cant accept it this time!

    Its not about whether their friends join/ how they brag about etc..but you having a family of your own..and some one else planning your familys holidays..that doesnt sound interesting/fun at all...:bonkYour husband is an adult and has his own family and he should be able to plan his familys holidays as per your and your kids interests not just say YES to his brothers planning just because they spend....I understand that finances become a bigger criteria..but dont you see why the BIL is all bossy...because he is the one always hosting a party and spending...and everytime if you say YES they took you guys for granted. Whether they are interested to come to your hosue or not is another point which can be dealt later...but you have to put your foot down and say , we need some space and time to plan and enjoy holidays our own way, with our friends/neighbours sometimes. Time for you to stop being meek and talk to your husband.

    By the way why are you afraid of saying NO to your BILs planning or invites???what is the problem?? why does your husband has to nod his head everytime??? Doesnt he feel insulted when his own brother points him out and brags about his greatness all the time?? What worst would happen if you and your husband decline to the invite??might be they would push once or twice and give up! and if next time also you would do the same...they would surely get your point and third time before planning anything for your family, they would take your husbands consent too about you guys are available or not...thats how you have to steer them to taking others opinions into consideration.If you keep saying Yes to them everytime...how would they know that you are not liking it??
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  4. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Kalyani...
    Start Using the word NO more emphatically!!!...
    Tell your DH to simply send a sms to brother dear refusing the invite for holiday as he has urgent meeting and the kids have also planned outings with their BEST FRIENDS on the same days... if he wants to speak to them say.. they are out or doing homework.. whatever don't give the phone to the kids...
    Dear sometimes we need to be cunning and manipulative to face certain situations....
    Also just a quick word of advice... maybe BIL does love to have your company but has taken you guys too much for granted.. happens in families.. don't hold grudges for that...
    Also regarding the PIL comparing... some people have that habit ... everybody wants their children too be the most successful... and maybe they find the apparent economical disparity too much... so just ignore those remarks and you will be happier...
    K
     
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Seriously, kalyanie.. After so much of writing from all of us, you still ask
    " What to do " !

    You either learn to say NO , OR learn to be firm when they are around..

    Now, if you cannot do either and want some other solutions.. guess, each of us will be left wondering just as you.
     
  6. Abhirami

    Abhirami New IL'ite

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    Hey, everyone, I am wondering why Kalyani's BIL keeps calling her and her DH? Maybe he is an extrovert who loves other people's company. Maybe he really loves the company of Kalyani and her family. I think she is fortunate to have a nice BIL who wants them to join him even when his friends are around vs someone who cares two hoots about them, right?

    I would say- Go for it.....but not always. Go sometimes - they are your ILs and you can't avoid them completely, as everyone else said. But then once you are there, if you feel bored, go out on your own with your hubby. Say everyone is going to the musueum, say you want to go for a movie and ask the kids if they want to go with you. If they say no, then go with your DH. If you are at disneyworld say you want to go on a ride that is at the opposite end of the park and take off. Don't meet them again until evening.

    If they talk about work too much, go away to another room for sometime and browse the net (Come to IL:)). They will sense that you don't like the topic and probably engage you more.
     
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sweetheart might be you have to read kalyanis post again as to what her problem is...(BILs niceness/extrovertness is not in question here)..but the same BIL insulting his brother and SIL and their kids and bossing/bragging around all the time is the issue...
     

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