BIL and MIL creating issues

unlucky311 · Jun 9, 2012

Hi All,

i am silent reader . I need your opinion for my problem.
i have 3 SIL and 1 BIL. I have been married for 12 years. My husband is first son. i don't have FIL. We are only taking care of the all the expenses 3 SIL , BIL marriage, SIL's kids function , home monthly expense etc .,

Mine is arranged marriage. They choose me as DIl for my salary +Jewels+savings only.
Nextday of my marriage they asked me to transfer my bank balance+ jewelry to SIL's account. I said, No. Afterthat, They started creating problem between me and husband. That was a very big story. They will call us only for money.
They never inform any function or anything. Initially, My husband forced me to talk to them. Now he realised, He didnot force me. Nowadays, i am totally ignored their comment etc .,

I thought, atleast , i will get friendly co-sister. But, unfortunately, My BIL married MY SIL's daughter. Same story repeating. They called us for marriage expenses. We took care of all the expenses. But, They never inform, engagement or marriage anything. They told all the relatives that we have visa issue. that's why we didnot come. Actually, we are GC holder. We didnot know when his marriage. whenver we asked they told, we will inform once we finalize the date. But they informed 3 weeks after my BIL marriage That marriage is done.Last jul was his marriage

we were really upset, i didnot wish my BIL. I didnot ask any words as well.
Then my co-sister delivered baby two days before. They didnot inform us preganancy, baby shower anything. So, i didnot wish her as well.

Lastmonth, My MIL called me and forced me to talk my co-sister. I told, she didnot inform me, so i didnot wish her. Then My MIL told. if you are not wish her, i will not let you stay with my son.i will break your marriage. I just hang off the phone. I told my husband, he is upset with his mom's attitude, but he is not ready to ask her.

Two days before, my BIL called my husband, and said, my co-sister delivered baby .As usual, They didnot inform me.

Now, we are going to India next week, Initially, i thought, when i go india, i can have formal relationship with everyone. i dont want to discuss anything.
After MIL threatening me, i am not interested to go to my husband's home. and i am not interested to go and see my co-sister. (They never ever call us --when my son born, when my husband met accident, etc ).

Please tell me what i need to do. what is the best approach for handling situation. Sorry for Long story.

pinky6 · Jun 9, 2012

may be you can postpone your india trip for some days..........for me its not a right time to visit them......as they said earlier ,there are lots of chances to spoil your relationship with your Dh.....all the husbands are very good and supportive to wives when they are abroad but once they land in india we become starngers for them(including my husband). think and decide.
all the best

JGVR · Jun 9, 2012

what is your H's take on this?is he ready to forgive them even though they haven't informed abt marriage or pregnancy?talk to him and tell him clearly that he has to support you no matter what and not pay heed to other's words and then plan for the trip.

satchitananda · Jun 9, 2012

Well now you are in a real fix. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you don't visit them, that will be a major issue and a good opportunity for them to brainwash your husband. If you do, they are not exactly going to give you a hearty welcome and will go out of their way to make trouble for you. I don't think there is any easy way out. You will have to do whatever you feel comfortable with (although it is the proverbial choice between the devil and the deep sea) and play it by the ear as the situation demands.

I don't know whether your husband will be receptive to this, but if you think he will be, maybe just a good idea to warn him ahead of time about what to expect (brainwashing and attempts to part him from more of his money) and tell him to just watch whether what you say is coming true or not. Hopefully he will be on his guard and see their true colours.

unlucky311 · Jun 10, 2012

Thanks everyone for the reply .

My husband is not ready to talk to his mom. He told, he will talk to his brother in person. but, i dont believe my husband. He never ever have talk for me in last 12 years. he also told me, come this time to his home. if They dont treat me well. i can go to my mom's place immediately. But, i dont want to get keep on insult.

Last time, when i went alone. They never let me go to my mom's place and they did not even giving me blanket. i slept in the floor only. They provided 2 times per day food only. i told my husband. He didnot believe me. But, when my MIL visited us, She treated me badly, At the timeonly, he saw her true color. He was surprise his mom's attitude. But, emotionally, he cannot accept her true color.

My husband always forgive them . my MIL is emotional blockmailer.whenever my husband raise any single word. My mil immediately reply. you are like father for them. if you treat them like your child you will not complain.

I cannot postpone my trip also. i am working. so i cannot change dates.

Really , i am confused. What to do. Please share any ideas.
if i go there. how to handle those dirty fellows. if i dont go, Yes i agree. They will easily brainwash my husband.

My husband believes everyone except me. i have to show proof for each and everything. then only he believes me