Big Fight

Nandu and friends

Please dont mind me saying this...

but actually he is making the whole situation NASTY by sending such long explanatory emails to his sisters. Why is he answerable to anyone about why he doesnt want to LEAVE his wife or Why he cant SLAP/HIT hsi wife?
He is not a kid. He shouldnt involve his parents in what his wife has to do / not do. Will he accept it, if Akruti involved her parents in everything that happens in her marital life? or how she treats her inlaws etc?
They are talking about a pregnant woman here and why cant they just take a step back and let everyone live with peace of mind?
why is he sending these emaisl around as if he is the VICTIM here?
If he cant control his mom, who raisedhim and thsi guy knows his moms nature veryw ell...but he hopes and wishes to control his wife rather than his mom

It sounds more like Akruti has no other option except to really suck it up (as he mentioned) as he seems more like his hands are tied..he keeps crying n complaining and blaming everyone else...instead of just saying SHUT UP to everyone and laying down the rules here

Why cant his mom go back to India?
Why cant akruti have a peaceful delivery?
Even if his mom is around, why cant his mom mind her business instead of expecting a pregnant lady to do household chores, and work at office and run around? will the same behaviour applied if it was her own daughter?
If his mom keeps telling him to hit / slap his wife, cant he see? what kind of alady she is? and after his mom said that, still this guy blames his wife?? what crappy person he is

I dont think he is confused....I think he is inviting all this trouble into his life and putting his marriage in trouble...just because he cant tell his mom to shutup and mind her business and not to poke her nose into DILs business all teh while. Why is his mom soo upset if the DIL talks to her own parents? so DILs parents have to die immediately, just because Akrutis MIL doesnt like them?

Literaly hope someone puts some sense into thsi guys brain and tell him to be MAN enough to standup for himself and his peace of mind. (If he wants to)

I dont have an inch of sympathy for this guy...

Akruti

You have to tell him to STOP Explaining about his marital details and what happens at home to his sisters. His sisters are not his babysitters isnt it? he is going to be a father soon...so is he going to report everydays updates to hsi sisters or mom? by sending these long end of the day reports? ASK him to growup and its high time now. No wonder you guys are having such trouble at this stage..because he is sooo immature and expects you also to be immature just like him.

Am sure he would be happy if you said yes to everything his mom says
cut off contacts with your parents
send long endof the day updateson what youd id and what went wrong to his sisters
and keep taking permissions on anything and everything that happens in your life every moment of it.

but is the above possible in real life?? can we please so many people all of them??? he has to understand what are his priorities in life? that too at this specific juncture? pregnant wife? or nagging mother? and this nagging mother wants a pregnant wife to fall on MILs feet...nasty lady I dont have any better words to say...I dont know why god creates such woman.

 

Sri ,

Actually I was waiting for your reply.

What does his sisters will tell him?Do they tell him to send his wife away or do they tell him to send his parents away?only thing they will tell to cope up DIL to MIL.Is that even your husband wanted and sedning these mails to everyone.

What happens if she doesn't eat.Let her be and she must be eating now in the house and won't be eating in the night.Who knows.

Even kids,if they show temper tantrums ,parents ignore and let them sleep without food sometimes and she is adult and what's big deal if she doesn't eat one day.

Anyway Akruti,Not sure how are going to cope up but your husband is no use to solve your problem.He is not going to solve anything for you other than sending mail here and there and show his soft nature to the world and sisters.

Buckle up lady.Don't work on your husband too and no use of it.Take your own time and think through.

 

I have only one suggestion for Akruti

She knows her Husband is NO GOOD to get this issue resolved...So best thing is...She has to IGNORE BIG time her MILs comments/taunts or words..Basically just act as if the MIL doesnt exist. Doesnt matter even if Akruti has to give some serious looks to her MIL when noone is watching. But dont open your mouth or argue with her.

If your husband budges in...TELL HIM TO BACK OFF. You are not complaining about his mom to him. So he better handles his mom. If his mom has complaints, he has to deal with her...not with you..because you are minding your business and not involving in anyones life. Tell him that this is the BEST you can do to ensure he gets some peace of mind and because he cant standup for himself or you, you have to stand up for yourself. Say this and mind your business. BE VERY VERY FIRM and STRONG in your actions and words. Never argue/fight/complain with these FOOLS. Because they would makeyou a fool at the end of the day.

This is the only solution you have...You can cry and complain all you want..but you know things are not going to change...and only you can do something for yourself and hte baby...and this is the time. Lay down the RULES...atleast you do that.

Last but not the least..TELL HIM TO STOP this nonsense emailing business and crappy explanations. because if he is doing it this long...he might end up doing it for ever...till your kid grows up and gets married.

 

I agree with Sri. At this point her DH is useless. Lay down your rules and ignore the witch. And stay firm. Unfortunately that is the only thing akruti can do.

 

I agree with Nandu. This is just one crazy drama after another and the husband is going to run away one day. Everyone is contributing to the problem, but one day he is just going to run away from all the folks and the headaches (part of it his own contribution, despite that, he'll just scoot).

 

Akruti,

Even after 200 posts with valuable suggestions (counting your other thread too)... you are not learning to ignore or find work arounds.

If the huge pile of dishes is causing trouble, could you not pack all your dishes, put them in a box in storage and have your H buy some of those plastic/paper plates, cups, spoons, forks, bowls. They cost like 5$ for 200plates. That way the only dishes you will have to clean are the cooker and pans. If she says money waste, then don't tell her before buying, simply have your H buy those stuff and say store won't accept returns as you got them in deal or clearance for just 1$.

Have you H buy groceries like ghee (enough for a couple of months) without consulting your MIL... if she says money waste, tell her from next time you won't buy, but since he already bought it, then better use it as the store won't accept returns on food items.

If your MIL is keeping an eye on you while doing puja in the morning, have your H distract her by chatting while you perform your puja peacefully.

Is it not possible to skip your brother's wedding for the sake of your and your baby's health and mental peace for you and your H?? Say you have visa issues that will prevent you to enter US if you leave to India now, you would skip the wedding right?

Who comes to visit in April is a far away question, could you not wait till your MIL leaves before worrying about that?

If you want to leave to India to get away from your MIL, why not buy the ticket online yourself instead of asking your H to do so. Seems like emotional blackmail. If you have no intentions is leaving, don't threaten your H.

Agreed your MIL is creating problems for you, but you are not helping yourself, your baby and your H either.

 

100s of pages of replies have been posted by IL-ites to past several threads. And, again this thread is running to several pages. I really dont know what new advice anyone can write.

 

Yeah....he sure will run away because that the best he can do:thumbsup

Because he thinks he cant TELL his mom to BACK OFF
At the same time he expects his pregnant wife to do exactly what his mom wants..or else the mom woudl be upset and would throw tantrums and this guy has to run off again:bonk

sooo silly. Cant he just tell his mom to mind her business and stop these every day tanturms? he can tell the same to his wife also and put both women on leash?? if he cant lay down the rules in his house, who will respect him??/ his mom is not respecting that it is his sons house and the son is going to be a father soon and he is grown up and an adult and still the mom is telling the son to beatup the DIL....and we are saying poor husband:hide:

 

People need to make DECISION

1. Either stay in the marriage and know the life you got into, and make do with it step by step gradually. The guy does not want to get rid of his mom. Understand that without banging your head.

2. Or, Walk out of the marriage. Make a firm decision to separate.

3. Or, go to India - get tickets booked by friends or parents or whatever, and just take a break and go. Buy time by going to India. And then hope that over time things may turn out gradually. If the H does not agree, go without H's agreement.


If no decision is taken, and just have one booming fight after another. The house will just crumble under its own weight.


Anyway, good luck. As I said, reams and reams have been written in thousand other threads, and nothing really new can be written. This is one reason why the old icy threads also people were getting frustrated. Since people will write, calm for a few days, and then problem again. People will write, calm for a few days, and then problem again.

It is good that icy eventually broke that spell and did some good decisions. But that cycle had to be broken.

 

Yeah I agree too...but when a woman is pregnant,already she is in a sensitive state...and these every day dramas would just bring out the worst of her emotions...if a matured old WOMAN is acting like a CRAZY LUNATIC....can we expect a woman whose body and hormones are changing to be calm and reasonable and understanding and balance it out??/

am glad atleast she could talk it out somewhere!! or else it woudl be much more worse..

Sorry..am still not able to digest...how a old respectable elderly woman is telling her son...to slap his pregnant wife..am just out of words

Akruti I still appreciate you for the way you handled all this, by just cooling it off and saying sorry to your MIL for no fault of yours...its better to cut it short and move on rather than banging our head against walls.