Big Fight

Dear Akruti,

I have been reading your thread another drama and now this and i feel soo soo bad about what you are going through. at one stage even i had very bad time at work place and that was also begining of my married life. everyday i did not have anyother option other then crying. i was almost in depression.

i just stayed quite and patient for longtime baring whatever my MIL and i have bad FIL also who is more arrogant. but by the days passed i started giving back to them but in a calm manner. and i also practise being calm for 30 mins without talking to anyone after being angry.

my complaining to DH was almost everyday which started creating gap with my H so i stopped doing it completely. either i give back to them if they really hurt me, if its just that they made me feel bad i will stay calm for 30 mins which makes me cool and i let it go and if its beyond that then i share with my DH but actally no use of saying him also.

I will tell you never ever think of divorce. your H is not a person to be left. there are Hs outthere who can even physicall abuse DWs. i have my own close friend who is decided not to attend her brothers wedding because her H doesnt want her to go. she is a strong lady, facing financial problems, official problems , has a small kid who is not properly taken care by her MIL but still she her to leave her kid and come to office. and her H is also moody who is too good at time and very bad also.

but she has decided to save her marriage. and given it first priority rather than attending her bros wedding. i have personally seen how bad a person feels when she had to do that with her own family.

 

Akruti,

Only you need to worry if your Husband asks for explanation and he didn't ask you anything.I know as a human you wanted to teach her lesson.But simply impossible with MIL unless you are ready to throw her out and face the consequences.
If your SIL calls and ask you tell that it's your house and it's between me and my MIL and we both deal about it and we are adults and tell them you don't have interfear in our family business.

Ghee-buy from outside.
Fruit Juice-buy from outside and ask your husband not to ask for it .
Dosa-You can buy flour from outside and lot of things are available in the market.

Why don't you call your husband for help if you are overloaded?

 

Akruti

After all is said and done....one thing you always have to remember is...People who watch out their words and anger are the WINNERS even if they illtreat others silently...that doesnt matter...but loosing ones words and anger infront of others always makes a person look bad irrespective of whether they meant good or not.

So if you were upset with all the background things that happened at your work, you were supposed to discuss all thsi with your husband...instead of piling it up and blurting out infront of your MIL.

You knew her all this while...and inspite of that you reacting to her this way...is showing only one thing..YOU WANT TO BEAT HER DOWN OPENLY...HEADON. and remember it would do no good to you or to your marriage or to your relationship with your husband...as slowly he would start going to his moms side because he sees that you are loosing your anger and fighting with his mom.

Why cant you just keep quiet and sit silently if you cant do things? instead of explaining it over n over to your MIL? you are answerable only to your husband and not to your MIL. I have said this many times..but seems like you just want to make her SHUT UP and its not happening and you are getting too worked up.

You and your MIL are getting into EGO battles...and remember she surely would win. If you just dont enter the battle...then already you won half of it..so think about it

 

Akruti,

Your friend got fired, I am sure it's lot of emotional drain. When your MIL asked you for juice, you should have told your husband to make the juice. You should have told him that there is no more energy left in you, that you want to rest and request him to make juice for his mother. If she wants to scream her lungs out, let her. You should leave the place immediately but only do the work you can handle.
You MIL needs a big time jolt. In US law protects pregnant women from such abuses. Tell your doctor about these things happening at your home. Take her advice. If not for your sake for the sake of your baby. I think you just don't realize the kind of harm caused to your baby because of these fights.

 

As ASG mentioned earlier may be it's high time talk to your husband and see what he says about it.
There is no way you can live in peace in that house.In her openion she is right and lot of indian MIL's would have same expecations and she is no way different from it and your situation is delicate and you already one miscarraige and can't efford other one and you are too stressed out with your MIL.
Ask your husband what he wanted to do and ask him to give you the solution.

Why don't you do this.When both your Husband and MIL there,tell both of them that I am not lazy to do work and I would do whatever it is but if something happens to the baby I am not responsable,people whoever here are the responsable and that should alarm your husband .

If you think it's still too much as Arch mentioned,take a DR appointment and report to her and let them deal with your husband.

It's better realise now,you can't be calm she being around you.So better find some permanent solution to it rather than some temporary solution everytime.

Tell your husband that you can find some shared accomdation and live there until your MIL goes away.

 

nandshyam - I am fired up but not at you at all -- My anger is at her MIL. Akruti is in a spot and feel for her. Her DH appeared to be a decent guy but then again he sat there listening to his mother ask him to beat his wife!! I totally lost my respect for him. Which person tells another person to hit their wife??? let alone a pregnant one? And why is he still letting his mother stay there when shes advising him to hit her? I doubdt if akruti used cuss words. she perhaps lost her temper. she is entitled to. Again I am not trying to instigate akruti against her DH. But MIL crossed the limit. If I or my family were to tell my brother to slap his wife , I am pretty sure that will be the last time my brother would talk to us. I am pretty sure my sis in law would skin my brother for letting his family be so derogative to her. Akruti needs to create self respect for herself. And develop a thick skin and stand her ground. Stand your ground and do not do anything you cant do. If MIL wants juice ask your DH to make it (if you are tired). Stand your ground and be firm - no means no. Rest all can go to hell.

Just for the heck of it, akruti, do something that you said you will do (not something major like going to india for wedding) but some small stuff like cooking or eating out (that only involves you - not your DH). Make sure that you do it even if no one likes it. This will get your point across that you are entitled to some space.