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Big Fight

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    (Moderator please don’t add this link to another drama I want another drama link to close)

    Friend’s big fight yesterday. My brother’s marriage fixed my dad called my FIl in Hyd and Sis in laws and all of them talked nicely but when they called my Mil at my home here is US she did not pick up the phone. I called her and told my parents called me and my brother’s marriage is fixed. Yesterday morning she asked me to do pooja for nagula chavithi so I was in hurry to go to office was doing pooja on my knees as I was in hurry she saw that and said sit properly. I was as in hurry so just in anxiety my voice raised saying cab will leave I have to go time is not there but sat properly after that finished my pooja and left. My MIL created a scene to her DS saying I shouted at her and did not finish my pooja and left. She lied. Evening when she told that my temper raised I bursted out saying Mil please don’t lie. I finished my pooja and this morning I did not shout at you today. I can’t get cool while dealing with her. I always raise my BP as well. And that’s it in front of my H both were fighting like cats and dogs. My Mil asked my H to hit me slap me. He did not do. She asked me to hold her legs and to ask sorry I said I did not do anything wrong I will not do. My H asked me to say sorry no need to hold her legs I just said sorry . She started saying how I am taking advantage of being pregnant she is not cooking for us she is doing nothing. Why pregnant ladies don’t take care of their inlaws?? They don’t cook they don’t clean they don’t go to work she is doing as if she is the only girl in world who is pregnant. She asked me to do some pickle I made it but it turned out bad it was last weekend she was raising it today saying how I asked her to do something and she did it bad and all.
    She was just fighting with me just coz my parents called her and I told her that I talked to my parents she wanted to create some scene so that I can’t ask her that I have to go to my brother’s marriage and all and she succeeded. She is dangerous filthy and cunning woman.
    I could not ignore her this time I could not keep my calm. I even told my H to leave me to send me to India forever I have had enough in these 5 yrs and I don’t want to live with him anymore. He is not booking my ticket. He did not respond to that. I seriously can’t deal with this woman and I want to go back to my parents what should I do? I even told him that I will go to my parents now and come after delivery only. He is not allowing that becoz he wants his kids to ne US citizens. But he is not even telling his mom to keep quiet. She is just jumping me and creating scene for something I did not even do. I am fed up of my Mil and H I want my peace I want to go back .what should I do? my work sis also getting stressfull my manager wants is wanting us to be in our seat from morning 7:45 to evening 6:00. she recently fired one guy bvecoz he was not onhis seat all the time. I am having saidis boss at work and at home. I am not able to do anything.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    COOL DOWN.

    You showed your frustation and it's over and cool down and don't irritate your husband more.Over and cool down.
     
  3. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi, I agree with Priya. Calm down. Does your MIL live with you all the time or is she a visitor. For small incident, don't leave your husband, your job and your home.

    Things will get better. Take care of your health. It is not good for the baby. When is the baby due?
     
  4. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Priya. I am cool now but I know the after eeffcst of this fight will last for weeks and now in this time I ahev to ask my MIL to send me to my brother's marriage. I am just vexed up with this lady. she is not alloowing me to live peacefully and I am reday to even leave my H becoz of her and he si not doing it. he wants both of us to stay with him under same roof and without fighting and that'a not gonna happen. I know that. It can never happen. I knwo if I say something to her so she will create something so I was quiet even if she had put mountain like dishes at home for me to clean I did it. just becoz I answered her back for one small thing like cab will leave I have no time. that's it she creates this much of hungama. hmmmmmmmm life is tough.
     
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Akruti,


    It's difficult for me to understand.When is your MIL leaving and when is your brothers wedding?Why does you need to take permission from your MIL?Does your husband say so?What is your husband stand on this to go to brothers wedding?

    My husband is very conservative person and if I was in your shoes,I wouldn't even dare to ask my husband to go to my brothers wedding because I know I would get straight no just because he will be very concerned about my pregnency than anything.

    Are are failed to understand lot of us here about your brothers marraige.beleive me,by god grace everything should be good,but in case if something goes wrong with you,beleive me you are cursed for your whole life by your husband.It looks to me in some sense you are immature.I know you are dealing lot but I don't understand why are you hitting you head against wall for your brothers wedding.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010
  6. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Coffe lover,

    She is a visitor but she also put bombs on phone. my baby is due in april. she will come in aopril again will saty for 6 months. My parents should not come. I should not talk to my parents. I should not go to my brother's marraige. I should neevr ever even if I am in pain or dying shoudl never raise my voice or show my frustration how is it possible for a human being in thhis world. she was here from spetember 11 and today si nov 9th. for two months I did not show my frustration no matter what . in 2 months if I show a little that too not on her just in causal I said time is not there cab will leave. she is creating so scene. I cannot act like dumb and deaf and emotionless robot.
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    First of all, like the other ladies said, cool down. If you are riled up today, wait until tomorrow before speaking anything to your dh.

    If I were in your shoes, I would tell my dh how unhappy I am with the way things are going in the house, and that I need a solution. Tell him he can pick the solution, but either way, something must be done because it's not right of you to feel unhappy every single day. Solution could be either you going to India, or his mom going back to India. Or his mom can stay here but then he shouldn't let her cause a fight between you two. That house is just as much yours as his. And if he were feeling bad in his house, he would not put up with it. So you shouldn't have to either. Home should be the happiest place on earth. Just discuss with him calmly and explain that you both need to work a solution out before you get even more stressed. Remind him that he needs to think of his child's wellbeing too, and that a stressful environment for you is only going to hurt the baby.

    But like I said, have this discussion tomorrow when you are more relaxed. Preferably talk with him outside somewhere like coffee shop or on a walk through the park... if your mil overhears you two discussing this, it would be WW3. Take care, good luck with your pregnancy.
     
    KrishnaSri likes this.
  8. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

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    I hope she came for visit ,try to be calm, whatever differences that develop now may long lost and create bad impression on each other. Try to not to get involved in her things and do your things quietely, it is matter for 6 months and she will leave(if she is on visiting visa). I can understand your situation, with hectic schedules, no help and moreover disturbances at house will not keep you a peace, your are pregnant, you need to take care of yourself. Think you are the most important person to yourself than anybody else in this world at this time. Let not these differences make you and your husband relationship spoil. you have to handle it carefully. Be quiet and do your work for sometime. I know it is easy to say than to follow, however, you can do it.

    Sujatha.
     
  9. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    Akruti

    Why do you keep asking for permissions? Your H is not going to say anything to you. DO NOT ask permission from her to see or talk to your parents. You stand your ground. Its because you give in that she sits on your head. You are already at the point of leaving your H. So do one mroe thing - DO NOT DO anything thats not comfrtable to you. Just say I wont do it and STAND YOUR gROUND. If you go back and do it then it is advertently believed that they were right and you were wrong and that you dont know anythng. Just DONT DO IT. you are already at the point of leaving H. let her rant and rave. If you fight for the RIGHT REASON - you do not back out later. That will give a wrong impression. But It has to be for a RIGHT REASON. Stand your ground. Do not leave your house. if you leave and your H applies for divorce then your leaving the house wll come as a bad thing for you. so stand your ground. If you dont want to do Pooja dont do it. If she does satyagraha let her. you are already working and independent.
     
  10. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi.

    You should have politely apologized to your MIL since you raised your voice due to anxiety getting late to work. She wouldn't know that you didn't mean it and that's the reason she keeps saying you shouted at her. You should have told her that you didn't mean it but without you realizing you raised your voice since it was getting late.

    I'm not sure what poja are you doing but if possible ask her to do it if you are running late to work or the cab is waiting.

    Your husband has been rational enough not to hit or slap you after listening to his mother and never asked you to touch her legs to ask for forgiveness. You should appreciate him.

    Anyway I think the fight is over now, so just leave it.

    Tell your husband you are very keen to attend your brother's wedding. I'm sure he'll understand how important is your brother to you. Or else, looking at your safety since you are pregnant it's better not to travel so far.

    Take care.
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2010

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