Bhabi (BIL's wife) wants to have all the attention and influence

rohya · Sep 4, 2012

Please give me advice, I just feel so sad because I feel like my situation is not going to change and I want to change it. My husband's bhabi is married to my oldest brother-in-law and my husband is the youngest son of the family. Their family is a joint family system and we live in the US. I've been married for 5 years and lived in India with my husband before moving to the US 2 years ago. My MIL is still living back in India. The oldest bahu of the family is very much influential with the people I've met here and she doesn't like it when people compliment me or are paying me attention. She met these people through my MIL (when my MIL lived in the US) but since my MIL moved back to India, my husband's bhabi has become very social. They have told people they own all the business here and they act like we are nothing, they act like we are the paupers of the family. When we moved here, they didn't introduce us to anyone or invite us to their dinners. The couple of times we have been invited places, she sits with the older women and they look at me and then start laughing. She makes little digs at me, saying I am quiet, that I have no personality. She ignores me and my husband when we went to their house once and she won't talk to me in gatherings. She has told a couple of people that me and my husband are disrespectful, which we have not been. Some people don't meet us because she has told them not to. She acts like her husband owns everything in the family business and she has told people we are trying to get financially strong. I don't know how to make people our friends here or how to become close to people, I feel like everyone here likes her and knows her. I don't know what to do. Please help me :-( I feel alone

flowerlady · Sep 4, 2012

Dear Friend,
Why worry about your jethani/SIL's attitude. She must be older than you and has more friends since she has been in US for a longer time.
Why do you want to be included in her circle of friends, make your group and invite them over.
Its difficult for two SILs to like each other or have common friends. This is nothing new.
Please move in your own age group and stop looking at SIL to help you out.
When you meet people meet them with confidence not like a young SIL .Soon you will have your own set of friends.
Let her say whatever she feels like , why bother.Soon people will know the truth.
Relax with time you will make friends.

anjananathan · Sep 4, 2012

She is old and she mingles with old people. You find your age group people and try to develop friendship.. before u came, she had all the focus and when u went, she is afraid to share it with you.. she looks immatured to me..

ignore her and enjoy ur time with hubby..

Tashsin · Sep 4, 2012

Don't worry dear you creat your own friend circle and you can show her that now she is in over aged group..If she want to play game with you..try to win this game..
Like my SIL she don't know how to use makeup and I am perfect in that so she alwz use to show MIL and OTHERS I don't like makeup..and I am like..u have to know how to use cosmetic than only you like it...:thumbsup
So no worry..and alwz show your neutral reaction to her.:coffee.this is the best way to confuse anyone..

rohya · Sep 4, 2012

Thank you so much for your replies! I am glad that someone out there can understand. I don't really want to be friends with her friends but I just don't want to feel bad when I have to see the same people. I feel very much anxious when I am at the same places she is at. When she says something to make fun of me, I get confused and don't know what to say. My husband tells me to ignore it but later on I start thinking about the things she said to me. How do you tackle someone who makes fun of you?

Tashsin · Sep 4, 2012

If she is making fun of you just ignore her completely..like she is unown for you..Itz very simple..just try to make new friend of your age and show her that you are young, smart and modern.. And you don't want to waste your time with old ladies..

parvathi1980 · Sep 5, 2012

Ignore is the mantra that works in such situations. If she is purposely trying to belittle you in front of company stop trying to mingle with her. I know this behavior can be very tough to handle. Make friends, start driving, build up your confidence. Let her continue with her petty nonsense.

makeuplover · Sep 5, 2012

rohya said: ↑

Please give me advice, I just feel so sad because I feel like my situation is not going to change and I want to change it. My husband's bhabi is married to my oldest brother-in-law and my husband is the youngest son of the family. Their family is a joint family system and we live in the US. I've been married for 5 years and lived in India with my husband before moving to the US 2 years ago. My MIL is still living back in India. The oldest bahu of the family is very much influential with the people I've met here and she doesn't like it when people compliment me or are paying me attention. She met these people through my MIL (when my MIL lived in the US) but since my MIL moved back to India, my husband's bhabi has become very social. They have told people they own all the business here and they act like we are nothing, they act like we are the paupers of the family. When we moved here, they didn't introduce us to anyone or invite us to their dinners. The couple of times we have been invited places, she sits with the older women and they look at me and then start laughing. She makes little digs at me, saying I am quiet, that I have no personality. She ignores me and my husband when we went to their house once and she won't talk to me in gatherings. She has told a couple of people that me and my husband are disrespectful, which we have not been. Some people don't meet us because she has told them not to. She acts like her husband owns everything in the family business and she has told people we are trying to get financially strong. I don't know how to make people our friends here or how to become close to people, I feel like everyone here likes her and knows her. I don't know what to do. Please help me :-( I feel alone
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But what about your brother-in-law? What he does when his wife treats his brother and family badly? My co-sister is the biggest fraud I have seen but my brother-in-law treats me well.

tehseen · Sep 5, 2012

i think ur jethani is insecure of ur age n maybe ur strengths. that is y she is trying to demoralise u n stopping u from approaching ppl. mayb she thinks that if u meet ppl they will start liking u more. whenever in these gatherings try to be very cordial with every1 n u look past ur jethani, letq her feel its not her who is ignoring u but u have to ignore her n make her confuse. all d best.

silvertulip · Sep 5, 2012

She is trying to put u down but don't let her do that! She doesn't want u to get attention from people or those people meet u coz she knows they will like u more than her! Don't feel low and sad. Make new friends and get a social circle out of ur bhabhi's circle. I am sure she will be very jealous if she sees u happy! So enjoy ur life and make ur bhabhi jealous of u! :twisted: