betrayed and confused

I recently came to know my husband was going around with a colleague. It all started with me checking his text messages based on a tip off from someone in his friend's circle. I asked him what it was all about and he brushed it off saying it was a casual conversation and he slipped his tongue by mistake. I thought the same too but with passing time it became clearer and clearer that something was not quite right. Just to allay my fears I visited his workplace once just to surprise him. He did not react much. I suggested we should meet at his workplace more often for lunch and I came back the next day for the same. But this time it was very embarrassing for me, because he took me to a corner of his office where no one could see me and had lunch just to placate me. It was pretty obvious I was not welcome there at all. As if to make the situation worse, I asked him about it in the evening and he told me to stop thinking too much. We had sex for a few days just to get a feeling that the marriage was still strong. But slowly it began to dawn on me that his mind was not with me but with someone else. He took a day off on his birthday without going to the office. And he did this clearly to be with her on that day. I questioned the same to him and he stopped even looking at me and talking to me. He said I was being a psycho and suspicious bitch. He started frequenting all the more - every two days. Yesterday he went to her place had sex and came back and pretended as though nothing happened. In the morning again just to placate we had a makeout session which resulted in nothing. He tried to make it look as though we had something. I cannot confront without evidence but I know for sure and clearly that he is going with her. I just find it frustrating and irritating. Had he said it's over I would be angry still but at least I would have some course of action for the future. This situation on the other hand I can't do much except bide my time waiting for I don't know what. It seems like the more I think about it the worse it is getting. But I can't even survive in this environment, it is so suffocating and feels like my oxygen is getting lesser by the day. I can't think clearly and his actions are only increasing my anxiety. If he is increased his activity with her to this extent - she is a colleague, he is taking her and coming back from the workplace in his or her car - I saw him go towards her house once because we have the same routes to our workplace and when I asked him again he said it was none of my business, he was taking an alternate route. I feel so confused and overwhelmed with this cat and mouse game. We have two kids as well and with them I cannot think of just walking out without evidence. I tried seeking a private investigator but it was a useless exercise as both of them wouldn't turn up at the times and duration I wanted, but at whatever they thought would be fine. I never imagined life would this turn and I don't know how to deal with this situation. Well wishers have told me to stop thinking of him and mind my own business as though nothing is happening, but for me it is so unnerving - he is my husband, not a boyfriend or some friend whom I can just ignore. It feels like everyday I am only moving away from him, I cannot stop thinking about this and I am unable to move on. The only solution I see, is to break it off, which is what he wants as well, I think. I love my kids and cannot think of being away from them. He will not let me walk away with the kids just like that. He will surely say that I have lost my mind and perhaps he is trying to make me insane. I have no one here, my parents live in another country. My brother does stay here but he does not believe me and thinks I am mostly imagining things. Even if he does believe me, there is little he can do. I can't stop my husband from doing anything, the more I do, the worse it has become. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME !!! I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING AND DROWNING SLOWLY with this mental game. What is going to happen now?

 

I really cannot say 100% whether they had sex or not. I can only hope that was not the case. But one thing is for sure, he does visit her. Because on his google maps, her address was the first one. That is something that I did not know or think of, again he gave it away by being nervous when I took his phone. He never took a holiday from work for personal reasons unless it was a vacation. He refused to tell me what he was doing the whole day. And since one week we did not sleep together and today morning he just made out to pretend there was something and I should not get suspicious. why does he carpool with her and deny the same? Why should he hide that? Pinky2Cute I really wish whatever you said was true. He did not introduce me as his wife on two occasions to his colleague. When asked, he said I was thinking too much into it and it is a known thing that I am his wife. I don't know really what to do now, except to pretend it is all going fine and behave normally as my family advised. I can only hope it will not get worse. From his behavior, it seems otherwise. I can only hope that divinity and positivity will set it right, again keeping in mind a possibility that things can go bad. I hope as you said, that everything is fine and he is just venting his anger on me.

 

I am not the type who will have too many doubts. If he did not make the carpooling a big unnecessary secret, I would not be doubting. It is his text message to her earlier that is bugging me. It seemed way too personal. Even with me he never behaves like that. It is basically his lying on this issue and hiding that I am his wife in office that is making me uncomfortable. If there is something he should tell me to the face rather than play such games. The other thing I noticed was he started working too much into weight loss and fitness and he also he stopped calling me daily since an year. All these new changes are what have made me the suspicious bitch that he is accusing me of. It would be nice if he openly told me what the whole matter was. I don't know whether I should just shut up and mind my business or take notice of it and do something. As for the detective route, it is not helping me one bit. People have taken money and done nothing about it. They said the whole process takes time. That route is only making it worse. And every time I try something new, it only results in him becoming more guarded.

 

catwalk, you are right, that's what occurred to me after a lot of contemplating, the issue will not get resolved if I take the aggressive route. She knows his marital status, it is apparent in fb as well. Still the way the both were behaving irked me no end. It was mostly the secret text messaging,carpooling,odd behavior in front of colleagues that got on my nerves. As you said, it is a warning light that I should not ignore. Maybe I should pay a lot of attention to myself, my looks and my job. He will not and cannot take a transfer from his job, it is not that kind of a job. Basically it is up to me and also him to work towards this relationship. I also posted the thread because a lot of thoughts were gnawing my head. It was becoming unbearable living like this. I kept vacillating between positive and negative thoughts. Even now I vacillate but it is lesser now. The thoughts have taken enough toll on my sleep and diet. But I am moving towards positive direction now. Hopefully I will keep up and continue with the same. As for him, I hope he does not get into trouble with this and that female also gets some sense in her head. I hope everything turns out right.