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Bereavement

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by GoneGirl, Dec 2, 2021.

  1. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    How does one get over the loss of a loved one? Does one really ever ?

    It seems like the heartache gets worse by the day, not better.
    How do you reconcile with the fact
    -that you will not celebrate your loved one achieving their life’s goals, dreams and aspirations
    -that you will never hear their voice, have a loving chat or phone call every again
    -that you will never get to see their beautiful smile, hear a funny joke or listen to them
    crib about the mundane problems in life
    -that you will never have a tight hug or comforting pat on the shoulder
    -your kids will never get to know or love or miss this person the way they should
    -the last time you see them is not the way you want to remember them, but that is all the mind keeps playing back again
    -that their birthday is not a day for celebration anymore
    -that you don’t have another chance to tell them how much you love them
    -the fun times you had before brings back tears, not happiness
    - talk about your loved one in past tense, was not is, lived not lives, loved not loves..
    -will never get another surprise gift that I can brag about.. my ——got it for me!

    Do you ever truly get over the loss of a loved one? Or does the mind become numb to the heartache?

    Do we ever go back to enjoying the small pleasures in life? Or does it make us feel guilty for having a moment of joy which the departed loved one can no longer have.

    It is so painful, but still you want keep seeing their pictures and the lovely moments that were shared. When does looking at a happy memory start to bring joy rather than more pain and tears?

    Losing a loved one puts things in perspective, makes us look at the big picture..the small inconveniences that made me sulk for days and made me upset, now seem like nothing. I would give anything to have a second chance, maybe to get a few more years in this world to live, cherish and enjoy their beautiful company. Alas, death doesn’t give second chances.

    To all the lucky folks out there, please give a tight hug and tell your loved ones how much you love and cherish them. It is all that matters in the end.

    Please do share your thoughts, experiences or suggestions that may help another person grieving the loss of a loved one. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2021
    Induslady, Mistt, Laks09 and 3 others like this.
  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    I can relate to your post as my husband expired on 16th September and till now I cant believe that he is no more.

    One satisfaction is we have lived together for 48 years and he died on Ekadesi and
    had a peaceful death

    He was a gem of a person and has done valuable service since twenty years to the bereaved families

    Whatever you have written I am growing through that phase
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    GoneGirl, I am so sorry you are going through this grief and the unanswerable questions it brings.
    By my limited experience, we never truly get over the loss of a loved one or anything that dear to us. The mind doesn't become numb either. It is more like we get better at living with that sense of loss. Time is indeed the greatest healer.

    Suggestion - seek professional help. Don't keep thinking - no one will understand, how will it help, and so on. Just reach out and get help. If in-person providers are too busy, check out online options such as BetterHelp, Talkspace and 7-cups.
     
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  4. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Viji ma,

    So sorry for your loss.. It is really very difficult to overcome such a big loss. May God give the strength during this difficult times.

    My
     
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  5. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Rihana, appreciate the suggestion. I think its good to seek professional help, I will definitely consider it.
     
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  6. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    GoneGirl, I feel your pain ... thru your post. So sorry.
    I wish there was something wise I could say , but there isnt. All I can see is that one day I will have to walk a similar path of pain, one day I will be the cause of grief for my loved ones.

    Grieving perhaps helps you learn to live with it. It is at times like these , that having a shoulder to cry on helps. Even if your friends/family fail to understand you, the raw pain you feel, having others around assuages the soul a little. You are at a very vulnerable space, and that is ok. Everytime you feel overwhelmed , just try living one day/one hour at a time.

    @Rihana has wonderful advice as usual - nothing like professional help.
    Is there any support group that you could tap into?

    Take care.
     
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  7. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to you @GoneGirl . I see your pain from the post. Give yourself permission to grieve this loss and navigate it at your own pace & on your own terms. Don't worry about how long, you will get better one day. That day, the hurt will still be there, the memories will still remain fond - but you will handle them in a more composed way than you do today. But it's a phase that is yet to come. Meanwhile, don't push yourself, don't play by the rules... just embrace whatever you feel, that day & that moment.

    Though it seems like a silly suggestion considering the bigger things on hand for you right now, I proceed to say it anyway - Please eat right and take good care of your physical well-being. It is important that you withstand the emotional crisis and also, to cope with grief.
     
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  8. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @GoneGirl, may I offer you a hug?

    I am currently in a similar situation, experiencing similar pain, and wondering if there really is a light at the end of this tunnel.

    I can't agree with you more. More than anything, I wish I had said "I love you" more often than I did.

    I've experienced loss and grief before. Put one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time. Lean on loved ones when you need to, don't feel you have to deal with grief alone. I lean on DH knowing he will help get me through this.

    It doesn't seem that way now, but you will heal. Some day you will recall memories with a smile. Stay strong, GG. My thoughts are with you.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2021
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  9. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you. May God give you strength.
     
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  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes.
     

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