Being submissive to DH - how good is it in a marriage ?

Submissive is being unneccsarily viewed as a negative connotation here.

In many cases I have seen that a typical indian guy *thinks* or is *forced to think by his family* that a good wife is one who listens to him and does everything he says. When he ends up with an educated wife who has a mind of her own, he has no experience in dealing with it, and finds it easy to justify the stance that she is a *bad* wife because she does not listen to him. Therein start fights, arguments, threat of divorce etc etc.

One way of diffusing this situation in such a circumstance is to agree/be submissive/be supportive of husband. Once his twisted brain understands his wife is not out to get him / he is not hen pecked etc, then he is more likely to listen to her and go with her wishes.

This is what I understand and is solely my opinion, no offense to anyone.

 

If you suppress your views and act as per his wishes, that is what called "Submissive" nature. If you accept him completely, then you will consider his views and live accordingly. There is big difference between blindly following your DH and giving importance to his thoughts.

This is my understanding about being submissive as per the other post:
See marriage brings two different human beings together. Your views may differ from your DH and that doesn't mean he is in the wrong side. Whatever may be the issue, think whether his point is valid. If yes, happily go with it. If no, go with it and later prove him that you were right. Then next time he will ask for your suggestions/choices.

 

How can a grown up girl not have any ideas of her own ? As a wife she must point out any glitches and hurdles that may befall the DHs plans.
Many a times a Dh can turn the tables blaming the wife that she was dumb and foolish by not pointing out his mistakes and preventing trouble.He can say why didnt you tell me if you knew ??
Marriage is a joint venture ,not a master and slave relationship where the wife plays an equally important part in decisions concerning the family.
But it is rare to meet a Dh who gives credits to his DW if her point of view is proved right.
Chances are bright that the DW will be anyway blamed for any problem whether she is submissive or not , might as well speak out !!!

 

There has to be a balance in everything a person does... too much of anything becomes too difficult to digest.

A person has to be submissive & aggressive in moderation.... if you can judge a sitation that you can be rightly agressive and can get your point across then make the best of that opportunity.. however if you really dont have that judgement power or smartness then I guess submission is the only mantra.. to keep flowing.

Also there's no rule that out of 10 events you can be submissive or agressive in equal or alternate or every third... its a dynamic sequence of life where a lady has to first strengthen herself morally, physically & financially and then only become aggressive at the right time.. else you know what you'll get.

 

I might get a chance to visit Chennai in the next month or so.
I am going to observe how many DW are submissive in people I meet

Most likely, the DH are the ones submissive
Anyway, when sitting in hot summer of Chennai :coffee this is good pozhudhu pokku (aka time-pass) to observe :biglaugh

 

I second that Spider.

Submissive ness has to come from nature and not from efforts, however these days its almost rare to see a submissive woman.

An aggresive woman will cause lot of problems, even in West it is seen as a woman needs to be less aggresive compared to husband esp in home, if not in other areas. if a woman can balance home and outside in a way that she knows where to lead and where to give way, life can become much smoother. Unfortunately that is not seen easily.

In Indian context woman when she marries has to gel well with so many whether she lives in joint family or not, if she is aggresive, stubborn , short temper, problems are bound to happen and chances of seperation very high

Well Spidey your chennai project results will be awaited. Dont be surprised if you hear a DW tell her DH "Patram Sariya Kaluvu( what ever tamil I learned in chennai once, used it here):rotfl

 

Very well said.:thumbsup

 

Yup....You can only see aunties or grannies

If girls are born without brain, it would be much better for MEN...even for women...such post won't come in future. Just kidding

 

Very well said Pooja:thumbsup

This is my opinion too. It happened in my case. My Dh and his parents were unable to digust my independance and abilities to decide/work on my own. My opinions and suggestions were mistaken by them and I was branded as a bad wife who doesn't want to listen or follow her DH. But indeed my was not on his own legs, rather followed his dad blindly, then how can they expect me to follow someone who is not standing on his own leg while I consider my self as a very independant person.

Anyway, lately I understood the root cause of my problems, and changed my style accordingly. I basically have no issues in following my DH, but I can do this only if he does things on his own. I put this very clearly to him, and started adjusting with him by following/listening to him quitely. This brings miracles in my life... Yes, my DH is very very very happy about it, and started discusing his matters with me (earlier he used to share and discuss every thing with his dad only). It took only 4+ months to change my man and bring back all the happiness in my life. So, it works