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Being Something....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by enlightened, Feb 22, 2010.

  1. enlightened

    enlightened Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear All,
    For your information about my background , here its is briefly-married for 7 years, 2 kids, 4 yr and 2 mos, worked for 5 yrs until i quit last yr.Currently doing PG and taken a break cos of 2nd pregnancy.My family-DH and MIL both very supportive and encouraging(touch gold!)
    My prob-I am kinda complacent, although i do feel like working, somehow i have this guilt that I might not be able to devote time to kids.I am infinitely happy being a FTM but Dh and MIL keep insisting that i have to be something in life and make use of my education...
    What can I do so that I dont feel that I ignore my DSs and also make use of my education?
    FYI...MIl is aged and cannot take complete care of kids but she sure can supervise if I hire a nanny...
    Please pour in your suggestions...
     
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  2. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    I understand we women want to give our time to our young kids which is alright if you can afford it meaning if dh makes enough for your family. I don't see why you cannot spend some most valuable and precious moments of your and your kids life together when you can do.

    Please cut his crap off your life. Who is MIL to insist you work or not??
    She may be very nice but should know her boundaries/limits too.
    Having a job alone is not making good use of education........IMO!!
    Talk to your hubby and express your opinion of staying home for some time or all the time whatever, and you both mutually come to a decision.
    DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR MIL IN THIS DECISION.......she can give suggestions but cannot enforce her views on you. It is your life, your baby, your feelings, your happiness and ultimately your convenience.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2010
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    EN,
    Check with your previous company if you can re-join on part time basis.
    Many ladies do it in my office post 2nd baby. Work only for 4 hrs or work from home.

    I feel your MIL is right in helping you maintain your identity and not get completely immeresed into baby sitting... once they turn 8 or 9, it shall be very tough to identify from a bigger crowd of housewives and you may resent (NOT applicable to all).
    No one can take complete care of small children, i think its a perfect idea to hire a nanny for half/ full day, you goto work for half day and then see if you're able to manage the load.

    Not all inlaws are supportive in that.. you're feeling lack of energy just becos the yngr one is only 2 mnths, u'll be better in another 2-3 months. Take a profile thats not too agressive on deadlines but still keep you in job.
     
  4. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    Enlightened,

    I think if being mother and wife is what you love being that is what you should do, if financial situation of yours allows. BTW you are something, who said being mother is being nothing? If you do have choice in financial sense , explain to your MIL that your education may not be useful in the sense of earning money but it will be useful in the way you make decisions for family and bring up your children. Tell her you will work when you feel ready to do so again. It is good that You are keeping yourself updated for job market, so can work when you want. Make her understand your decision is not due to complacency but well thought decision, if it is so. But if you doubt it is due to complacency, you need to think deeper and then decide. Take your MILs insistence as an opportunity for you to contemplate further and take right decision, once sure convince your DH and along with him convince your MIL.
     
  5. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    What an irony? A MIL wants her DIL to be something and encouraging, even then women ask them to mind their business and if they are horrible it is the same advice. For once, I must say poor MILs. God save them.
     
  6. enlightened

    enlightened Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for ur suggestions.
    Tara09, my MIL is a sweet soul and its not that she is interfering.Its only that she keeps telling me when she can take care why dont I make use of my education.She is supportive in every decision i make.
    I think I will wait for another 6 months and slowlyt start doing something from home or part toime stuff.

    Deepa.
     
  7. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    First of all congratulations for being blessed with baby boy.Glad to knw tht your spouse&MIL are supportive & helps in decision-making. U r very lucky to hve such good people around u..


    As u mentioned tht u are doing PG,why dont u try for teaching jobs in International schools & colleges,online teaching and also u can look out for part-time jobs or full time jobs which has fixed timings&less demanding..

    All the Best :thumbsup
     
  8. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    The above lines in OP made me think that MIL is interfering in the couple's matters. And hence asked her to ignore the MIL. Sorry OP if it sounded rude but I said so with what I have seen my friend go through. She wanted to stay home and be with her baby but the MIL insisted on her working and finally now she feels so bad that she did not enjoy that time with her baby who is now 16yrs old. Her MIL also used the same words "make use of education" and I ask one thing "Is earning money the only way to make use of education"? I can understand if you are in need of money but if not then why not do what makes you happy. After all, this is very precious time for a new mom. I am not against working moms as I myself am a full time working mom. But I realize that some things can never be earned in life and one such thing is memorable moments with your baby.....you will never get that time no matter how much wealth you earn.....JMO!! Good luck!!

     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  9. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi tara,
    even my parents were also of same opinion when i choose to leave my job to take care of my 1st child six years back.
    but i said 'its because i am educated that i can take the right decision at right time.at this moment my child needs me .so i will do what is right for him & myself.'
    well ,since then i have had my 2nd child & who is about to turn 2.now,i plan to wait for one more year & then try for job.
    Just listen to ur heart.what do u want.if u are able to convince urself u will be able to give better arguments in favour of ur decision whatever u take .
    BTW,i do admire u for doing job,studying for PG inspite of having 2 young kids.ur mil also sounds like a great help.make sure u thank her regularly
    pragati
     

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