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Being Positive In Negative Situations

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by drdiva, Oct 23, 2020.

  1. drdiva

    drdiva Senior IL'ite

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    Dear friends..
    I was thinking of writing about how we can lead our life postively..and happily even when we are facing lot of problems in married life..
    I have been a silent reader and not only are we helping The Ops but also those who are not able to express themselves onthis forum..I have learnt alot thtough this forum by only being a silent reader..
    Its an established fact that females have to adjudt and bear a lot after marriage.. I have observed mostly inlaws create problems and sometimes husband wife issues and abusive spouses force us to take drastic steps to keep our sanity.
    After a decade of being married i have observed
    a few points ..if we follow these it will help us in having peace of mind and having a better life..
    *We consider our spouses as our life and give so much importance to them whereas they cosider as just a part of life..so those of uz who think husband is busy with friends and gadgets culivate a hobby and be busy with kids ..enjoy
    With them and join women clubs or go out with friends
    * Those cosidering divorce and living in abusive marriages..should secure jobs or start some small buisness and join women clubs and enjoy with friends
    In short Life is so much more than being married and having alobinv and super caring and romantic husbands.
    *Inlaws issues : keep them where they belong ..dont give them so much place in your head
    And never fight with ur spouse on issues created by them..that is what there purpose is..
    Try to b cordial and diplomatic with ur husbands
    I hope this summarizes most of the solutions to married life problems..
    And guys most important educate ur daughter so ghat the are self dependent and dont make ur sons so much dependent on u that they bcome mommas boy..lets create a society where married life will b easier for both wives and husbands..
     
    Laks09, iman, shama146 and 8 others like this.
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    One more advice is, always have a good career before you get married...never leave your job unless it’s for the sake of looking after a child or some genuine health issue...because those for whom you would slog in kitchen and do household chores, like spouse, in laws etc will not respect you and take your for granted and look down upon you..
    Not only would you be financially independent to deal with any difficult situation, you would also become smart and confident and bold.
     
  3. drdiva

    drdiva Senior IL'ite

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    Yes dear its a very good advice but sometimes for the sake of our kids we have to take a break and choose a career that is suitable and allows us to take care of them..bcoz no one can take care of kids like a mother..
    But some ladies who quit job just to b with their husband in a foreign land should well plan what they will do and howthey will manage career in foreignland
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, that’s why not I mentioned, that take a break only for the sake of kids , as child care is best done by mom no one can take the place of mother...I can well understand the challenges faced by ladies in foreign countries, I,e visa issues and lack of child care due to which ladies quit their jobs and become stay at home moms..those who are in nuclear families can still have freedom in household related matters and privacy and raise kids according to their patenting styles..but those who live in India and have to live with in laws temporarily or permanently should pursue their career..because living with in-laws as a housewife becomes very painful when they’re with you 24*7 and small issues are magnified.. being a working woman gives you some change and relief from personal problems.
     
  5. soumya2552

    soumya2552 Bronze IL'ite

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    I hear you. Very well said. I am feeling lost these days. I never had a career or a job and was very enthusiastic about getting married and taking care of my in laws, kids etc.
    Recently I hv started questioning myself about how I am adding value to myself.
    I am upset with myself for not being able to pick up anything constructive inspite of having all the support.
    I hv a camera, I could take up photography. I hv a keyboard, i could hv learnt music from YouTube.
    Nothing motivates me these days. I am 37 and lost confidence in myself. I am feeling insecure and unhappy
    Should I go for a therapy? I feel ashamed of myself.
    Have not spoken about this to anyone.
    Please help.
     
  6. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its sensible, but I have seen cases where working women are criticized for not taking care of cooking and all- even though they are contributing so much financially through their hard work in job and that is helping to pay for inlaws' expenses and household debts .
    And I have seen opposite case also of homemakers being taken for granted completely and treated like free loader, even when they are taking so much care of kids and everyone.

    So I feel one should do what feels right to ones conscience - and it doesnt have to be working outside in every case.
     
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Agreed...but being financially independent And being able to outsource chores to helpers is a plus Point..being a home maker 24*7 without any outlet , and as you say treated as a free loader is very painful.
    Having a rewarding hobby, or profession or business etc helps a woman to stay positive in negative situations.
     
    joylokhi and nakshatra1 like this.
  8. drdiva

    drdiva Senior IL'ite

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    Only few Lucky people get it all..My case is opposite..I had a good career but i lagged in family life..i m 39 and now i m blessed with my first baby
    .So cheer up dear..and keep working on finding a suitable career..gud luck
     

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