being married is stressful.

Why don't you try come of these Meditation, yoga classes or the Art of Living ones? You need to put a stop to your inhibitions. Whatever will happen no matter what.. You can control only upto a point right? So why worry too much about it.

There is a saying something like this....

There will never be peace if you keep worrying about future.

Trust God. Leave it to him .. We never know if we will be alive the next second.. Enjoy the present life as it is :thumbsup

 

ssathi,
I think I am in the same situation as you. I never worried about anything before marriage. Now everything seems to be so difficult for me. I think after marriage we have to deal with lots of people.... Atleast in my case I am very poor in dealing with people. I find it very hard to ignore people. for me even if I meditate or engage myself in some activity I always wonder why some people are like that......

 

Saathi, you need to love yourself more, to be able to not let others cause you more stress. Please be health and fitness conscious, register in a nearby gym and workout. The suggestion given by Nandshyam is quite good - yoga and meditation - lets you to concentrate on your innerself and lead to positive and energizing thoughts. Spending a half hour to an hour daily on your physical fitness is not a great demand on your daily schedule. We can't stop our thoughts, but we can redirect them to positive aspects of life.

 

Hi Saathi,

Generally we get stressed out only if we think that the problem is too big for us to solve. You need to believe that every problem is solvable. You have solved problems in the past with your in laws and DH, right? Similar would the ones you might face in future.

Assure yourself that your peace of mind is more valuable to you than the impact of that problem on you. And most important dont anticipate problems. Deal with them only when you face them.

Cultivating such attitude will not be easy and will not happen in a day. But try to be like that everyday and you will see a marked change in your stress levels.

Best of luck :2thumbsup:
Lakshmi

 

saathi
i dont know if you have shared your problems here, so i do not know the nature of your problems. since you have mentioned that your problems are now resolved, stay there. take it one by one. the first person that you need to be bothered about, is your husband. try to see the problems with inlaws different from the problems you have with your husband. solve the ones with your hubb completely and give an image to the outer world that both of you are one and the same.

marriage or no marriage, problems keep coming to people in some form or the other. i still remember that, when i was in class 6, i lost one of my class notebooks and till i found an alternate to it, my life was extremely strenuous both at home and at school. i used to then think that was the worst phase of my life. and with years passing, i had some problem or the other, which made the previous year's problems look smaller. now thinking back, i only laugh at how childish i was then.

I hope your problems now are in control. you should find out what gives you that peace - it could be friends, light talks with your hubb, a drive all alone, or this IL forum itself. As Visu has mentioned, direct all your energy towards positive things. keep yourself busy throughout the day, and dont give any time for your mind to think about the past and other unwanted aspects. take care..

 

saathi,

Asha has correctly mentioned it...Kudos Asha!

Married life has a lot of commitments and its own pros and cons.Hence it appears as a big trouble to us.To tell you the truth,everyone in this world is leading a kind of dual life in front of others...We have to adjust so many things in day to day life and have to accept/digest certain things which are not comfortable to us!

Dont think about DH and inlaws....Think about yourself in the first place and try to improve your health..

Be positve and confident!These qualities definitely help us!

 

Saathi,

You are already in a better place just because things are at a better place for you in your marriage - that is an achievement. Now the next thing you need to work on is believing that it will all stay so and develop the confidence that if something comes up, you can deal with it (you have done it already). I understand we all make adjustments/sacrifices to get to a place(in marriage/relationships etc) and we are aware of the price we have paid - so learn to accept it, feel the satisfaction and move on.

That said, about feeling that you are leading a dual life, I agree that it takes a while to be our true selves in many relationships - sometimes, things change when siblings get married and there are occassions when we can not be our true selves even with them. So there is nothing wrong there - that is my opinion. In my personal life I feel it took almost 4-5 years to take things for granted (and right from the beginning I have had the most supportive husband one can ever ask for) in my marriage. What really helped me get comfortable are 1. just like you, being aware of the fact that I am working on getting stability in my married life (I see a purpose there) and 2. never loosing sight of what I wanted to be/want to be in the next couple of years leading to what will I do when my kids are more independent. So slowly but deliberately start doing small things that give you personal satisfaction - may be painting, any hobby, gardening, just going out with friends once a month - something that connects you to you, What ever works - that will give you satisfaction and loose that sense of fear. Be healthy and exercise because of this image that you have of yourself or how you want to see yourself. The pounds will disappear and you will begin to feel better!

Yes, yoga, mediation, exercise everything will help you - you should just seek and reach - Good luck.

 

Live your life happily as long as you can. Nobody knows what will come next in their life except THE CREATOR himself.

I read somewhere that, "Life is a school, you need to pass every grade to educate yourself". I would say that you are better off than the ILs whose threads make our eyes wet.

Why don't you involve yourself in some organization like "Life for Literacy" or "VIBA". Thereby you can shell out your stress into active energy? As Nandhu pointed out, if you trust GOD leave it on his foot and carry on. Try to give some meaning to your life, show your creativity you will be the happiest person on the earth.

ALL THE BEST !!

-Uma

 

Hi,
Don't ever live in fear/greed.Be strong.Be prepared and get rid of fears.I hope the problems won't come again.The initial years of marriage are stressful.But as time goes on you will learn to handle people.
Thanks
Mangai