Nowadays being judgemental has become very common and for some it has become a habit. I won't say it as an influence by social media,family or something else which make them that way. Beacuse at times the reason for their judgement over stupid things makes us to think whether to listen to them or not. All judgements by people are/were not wrong but certain things over general things ignoring the important things is bad There are judgemental views in almost everything and who is not being judgemental? Everyone is.. but the way how they convey their view differs. Jugemental views about one's physical appearance, how they carry themselves is the things which we always face. But certain stupid judgements and the reasons given for it are totally not understandable and it depends on us whether to accept it or not Certain stupid judgements which people said to me : 1. You read Sidney Sheldon books?? Seriously?? I started to read but I felt awkward because of how he wrote some scenes?? Really you read those?? Me: why your focus is on that particular scene not on the story of entire book?? Master of the game and mistress of the game are one of his best novels I have read. Enjoy the story not the scene which you are trying/thinking to avoid. Read the scenes which you want and ignore the scenes which you feel uncomfortable about. It's upto you to read or ignore certain things not upto the writer 2. You are three daughters? And all of you are married?? For sure your parents would have had tough time but still before their retirement they arranged your marriage that much they have saved.... Me: Ofcourse it is not easy to arrange marriage for three girls. It needs loads of efforts. They focussed more on groom's character than on thinking about spending on daughters, that's how their love is. They really saved money being first graduates of the house so they know how to and what to do about the money they earned. The ones who think of their daughters as pain must think about it. 3. You are resigning/resigned because you had miscarriage?? You can take medical leave when you become pregnant again why unnecessarily wasting you leave and resigning?? It's not acceptable reason , are you trying for some other job? Me: if miscarriage hasn't happened why would I bother to resign? From your views it's right.. but if the same thing repeats who will become/take responsibe/responsibility? From your views It happens for many women and its common too but it had happened to me and it's my decision. 4. Buy two wheeler/car. You need to walk to buy groceries and it will be for emergency use. Its very cheap to buy bike nowadays Me: it's not about money. i am living with my house being situated on the main Street and it hardly is five minutes walk from home and neither my office(where I used to work) nor my husband's are near so that we travel by bike/car. And there is no parking. We are saving for future and once I have a child on my own I will buy on my own after shifting to our new house why bother to buy now as I am not in an urgent necessity of it 5. You spent money to buy apartment not an individual house? You could have bought individual house for that rate. It's waste of money ,you could have asked me . I could have looked into some Me: i tried to buy individual house but none were available in main area. Have to travel far to reach office which I am not okay with it. And I have selected it after much consideration 6. Got breast thermal screening?? How did you do that and what's the necessary to do it?? Did you feel any clot in you?? Me: being precautious is not a bad thing. With or without symptoms anyone can have breast cancer. What's wrong in checking it? (Unnecessary to explain it them that my mom is cancer patient and why to drag her into it? And she is not reason why I did screening) 7. Why are you giving money to transgender person? Why are you letting them touch your head to give blessings? And why do you even talk to them ? Look everyone is looking at you in train? What if they think of you as one of them? Me: why? Aren't they humans?? What's wrong in talking with them? Let people think whatever they want. Just because they doesn't wanna me to talk with them i can't hurt them unnecessarily. It's upto me what I think about them not others. And it's not big issue to discuss about either 8. You watch BL series? How can you watch those? Yuck? Wouldn't your husband say anything? Me: it's just like other series. It's just than the leads are from same gender. What's wrong in that? Love is love isn't it. Why to think only of intimacy scenes in the series not the problems they face because of it ,how they overcome it,how they stand strong for the ones they love? It's just the mind which thinks like that if that mindset changes one can see the good story in the series. And why to drag my husband here? It's my pass time not his One can be judgemental but certain things which are being judged is it necessary? And should one keep mum for those? I don't think so. Is it necessary to explain things to them? When it is asked for then it can be explained but not in deep it's is not justification it's because you know them well as colleague, neighbour etc., It's not being in good terms with them its just to shut them up at the start of it than to drag things continuously.
Some people are insecure and feel the need to put others down. There is absolutely no need to engage with this kind of behavior. Just give brief, non-committal answers and change the topic. They are not worth wasting your time by trying to explain and reason. The only time I will bite someone’s head off is when they start haranguing women about fertility issues, having gone through a very long struggle myself.
Yeah it's not worth it but why they are not seeing the whole picture and just picking up irrelevant things and being judgemental about it is so stupid pa
Its envitable to stop people from judging others. Initially I was affected by such questions. Now I know how to take it. People will judge you based on their own perception and comparision with their own ways of living or thinking. When you understand this, you wont be bothered about others judgment of you. Social media has definitely increased a bit if not more as people feel they are entitled to write anything on others feeds/posts. And I guess celebs are the worst hit in such cases. E.g. a celeb say Miss.XYZ has donated 50thousand rupees for a relief fund and mentions same on her post, comments start accusing her for showing off that she is generous and making her donation public to get more followers etc. When a celeb has donated but doesn't post abt his/her own contribution but shares a post requesting others to come fwd and help make donations to save a child, again comments start with accusations why he/she is asking general public to donate when he/she being a celeb charge crores for a movie so if the celeb donates it agould be sufficient. This is just an example. All I can say is we cant control others mind nor control their judgement levels. We can only choose how to react or to even react or not to those!
True we can't stop them and can never satisfy them either. I am least bothered by it too because I got used to it. It's just that they don't see the entire thing and were very irrelevant. For example, The thing I mentioned here about book , is it really necessary to look into things like that? Then no one should read book at all for even a small romance scene isn't it? Like that I am saying instead of gaining knowledge from book or enjoy it, just like that random judgements. I am not saying everyone, some people When they are being judgemental, they should see the entire thing not just some petty things which are irrelevant
True! People can be judjemental for unnecessary reasons. The book thing may be that friend of yours doesn’t like shidney sheldon books and to just give a reason she would want to quote that point. They just see only one side of it and come to a generalized conclusion!
Regarding car point, I have an aunt who stays very far away from us. Anyone who has bought a car or bike is from a well to do family for her and those who dont have , has no good standard of living. She talks to my mom saying so and so's children have succeeded in life, a kind of unnecessary comparison, just because they have bought a vehicle. She lives in a far away town which is cut off from the main area, so people need to have a private vehicle. But for people who have enough means of transport right in front of their doorstep and have the money to book Ola uber in case of emergency, why should they buy a car if they are not frequent travellers. Just because they dont have a vehicle, they are not well off in her eyes. I feel angry that inspite of being educated, she cant understand such simple things and she used the well off statement in her conversation often.
Exactly why to spend money on something which is of no use right now?? And why to buy it just for show? When there are really others things which needed to spent on. In my case, yet to shift to new house as it is under construction. Near my rental house every provision is available be it for small household need or medical need in five min walk from the place.we are only two and my dh's office is far to travel by bike or car. Why to buy a car now? as we can spend money on our new house when we shift. But that isn't considered as basic necessity but this vehicle is considered as one which is really irrelevant.
It is inevitable to stop people from passing judgmental comments. At least you are fine, because you have been judged for so called "right actions" unreasonably. I mean, accepting LGBTIQ+, Doing health screening, choosing apartments in the right place etc... are all widely accepted right reasons. Even though you felt discomfort, at the end of the day you can get appreciation from many (at least in IL) for being right But I say, people judge others unnecessarily. Even if a person's action is different, and not right according to the majority, it is OK. As long as their actions do not affect you, leave it. Do not judge them based on what you think is right. 1. I have been judged for marrying a person from a different country/different faith 2. I have been judged for christening my kids 3. I have bee judged for being the primary bread winner of my family 4. I have been judged for leaving my 4 month old baby with my mom for a foreign assignment for 1 month & then frequent travelling after that The list is huge. Each time, I have been judged against my actions which are socially not acceptable. Therefore, everyone thinks it is OK to be judged. Therefore, I can't complain or gain sympathy for what I had gone through with all these emotional judgements, and guilt rides. However, people judge, pass opinions and show who they are by their words & actions. That's all. At the end of the day, it is you & your life. How successful you are in your life determines the value of those judgements Those who criticized my inter-faith marriage, invited me to their DD's inter-faith marriage last month. When they faced judgements from their community, they showed me as one successful person with an inter-faith relationship. That's why they wanted me in their marriage function Those who questioned my motherhood, simply praise me for the success of my kids when they won gold medals at school. The School principal herself wanted me to address in their annual day function as a guest of honor, representing parents! They look at me as a successful career icon. The list is never ending. Just that, you need to have some thick skin & focused mind to turn everything upside down. PS: We all judge others knowingly or unknowingly There is this Big boss ultimate show in Tamil. We have a running thread full of comments from that show here in IL. Most people hate a contestant named Julie for whatever the reason. Her body language, talk, smile, dressing & all are judged by the commenters in that thread. But that woman has won millions of hearts outside and is one of the topper in the vote bank. Now, the commenters in that thread say, it can be paid votes or the channel supports her. Again judging her. On-line or off-line - The point is everyone judges!
