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being in unhappy marriage and worse behavior of my husband, feeling hurt :(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by strongwoman2014, Sep 22, 2014.

  1. strongwoman2014

    strongwoman2014 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Ilties,

    I am back after long time. I am really stuck up with my problems all these days, as I could not lead a normal life, just thinking about my problems that it would improve some day. Now it has become worse than ever. My H behavior did not change, it seems improved in between but again it is the same and now worse, his slaps continues during our arguments which are due to very silly matters of day to day life. he leaves me and goes and comes back after some days, this continued till last week, which I did not take it big thing as I thought he has some love for me, but now I could understand the true color of him. when last week he returned back after we fought, he convinced me that he would be good but when I asked him about my jewels that is in mil house, he burst in to anger and said it would remain there and I should not ask about it and when I insisted that I need it, he became more angry and said as if he would live with me only if my jewels remain there in my in-laws house and again he left the house. He twice threatened this month which is new that he would kill me. He did not give any money to run the family this month as he stayed with me and I did all sort of services to him as a wife and I am now in a bad situation financially. I need those bonds to cope up with my financial need and the debts which is due next month. So my father and I went this week to bring back jewels and bond papers in my in-laws house. But my husband refused to give as were my in-laws saying that they need the custody of my 2 children, both of whom are with me; they said they will only give the jewels after that. they insulted us so badly. I know they would treat my kids badly. I do not want them to be with them. my father asked that I need them to pay the debts as my husband is not supporting financially in anyway and we would talk about the kids later, but they did not seem to hear that and insulted us so badly. My H as well as my in-laws said he married me only because I was an earning woman and for the jewels. This word hurt me a lot as I heard the same thing from my H mouth. I could clearly understand now his intentions of remaining in this marriage with me so far. He needs my money, jewels and property and nothing other than that. the truth of knowing that my husband did not have any affection for me all these years (going through all hardships to save the marriage in this little to no happy days) hurts me a lot now and I feel that I really want to come out of this marriage, but I do not want to either even show or give my kids to them. I always remained as a good wife to him since marriage, but I did not get any reward for it, only painful scars. I really want to live a happy married life like others, but it seems it wont happen. I am giving my parents more difficulties because of this. I could even remember how my H demanded that I should sterilize after my second child and after that only I should come to him, I even did that for my children sake and I thought he has some love for me, but he has nothing for me. So these kids are assets to me for my life time, since I could not have any more.

    My father told he will take legal actions against them first to get back the jewels, I agreed with him to proceed. I would like to know would my kids remain with me if we get separated, as I do not want my kids to be with that abusive family, who does not care about me or my kids all these days.

    I am looking now for a stable job and I could financially become stable in some months, but since I am young parent I do not know how I am going to face this world with my kids alone, I feel insecure in other terms though my parents support but they are in early 70s.

    Now I feel hurt so much that I did not get the same love from my husband what I had for him.


    (for my kids, from birth till date, my parents and I am alone did everything financially or in any other means, no help from my in laws house and I wonder how could they ask the kids)

    Sorry to be long


     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Seriously??? You got back with that abusive jerk again???? Frankly speaking....I have no words...
     
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  3. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    From your previous posts, the mistake you did was to welcome back that guy into your world again. WHY OP? WHY? Think about your kids? You think hearing him and his wretched mom abusing you is going to be good for the kids?
    Get out of there. No court will order the kids to be with a father who abuses the mother of his kids. Get out of this NOW. You said you will get a job soon - thats great. Dont worry about the kids. there are good day cares in every place that will help you in this situation. Your family can also support you in case you need it initially. But dont be late again. Get out for you and your kids!
     
  4. ZenSojourner

    ZenSojourner Silver IL'ite

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    You will have to hire a nanny to watch the kids while you are at work, most likely. It seems your situation might be better, financially, if you moved in with your parents - is that possible? Or to take a place large enough for all and share? Then they could monitor the nanny but would not have to have direct care of the child, which might be hard for people in their 70's.

    Proceed all the way with the legal recovery of your property. Document EVERYTHING. I cannot in India imagine the husband getting control of the kids, but if there is any chance of that, moving in with your parents (or having them move in with you) should go far to counteract any effort on his part to get the kids by saying "oh but my parents will take care of them, she will be at work and leave them with a STRANGER". Your parents aren't strangers.

    I feel for you and hope that this is resolved for you soon. I hope this is some useful advice for you.

    You must take it to heart, this marriage needs to be over. He is being abusive and his parents are being controlling and abusive. At best. You need to stay away from him and keep your kids safe.

    Abusive husbands are virtually always abusive to their children too. Often they hide the abuse from the spouse and she only finds out later, much later sometimes. If he is going to abuse you, he will not hesitate to abuse the children - especially if he succeeds in getting rid of you, their mother.
     
  5. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Past is past..time for self pity..get out of such abusive relationship for your own and children's good..
     
  6. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Do not let him go easily. Sue the bastard. Make him pay for child support.
     
  7. stillwaters

    stillwaters Gold IL'ite

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    whatever you have faced all these years , is it not much much more than what you will face if you are living alone with your kids ?
    if you managed to tolerate all that abuse are you not strong enough to take care of yourself ?
    were you not taking care of yourself and your miserable dh also all these days ?
    why do you want to be taken care of by your parents ?
    be strong . become self sufficient emotionally and financially and move on . you have endured enough . sit and think how your life is now then think of it minus your dh . you will definitely see the benefits.
    you have your family to support you through all the difficulties.
     
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