Being An Immigrant Parent

Excellent thread. Hope others join in too. I was actually thinking where to start from but you saved me by giving some pointers, things you are interested to know. Parenting is tough and a job that keeps you on your toes whether its with toddlers or teenagers. With every age comes its challenges. Along with books. videos others resources on parenting I think we should also pay close attention to our instincts too. That will guide us sometimes when we have a dilemma.
I am really blessed to have two wonderful daughters both teenagers now.

My husband and I had this dilemma when our older child was a year old. My husband's elder brother had a child already by that time and he was couple of years older to my daughter. They would speak English at home. The reason was child was going to day-care and he will be confused if we speak our native language at home. Somehow I found it very odd. When I look back, I was brought up in a different state in India, different from my native state. My parents interacted with us in our native language. They never spoke in the state language. I am fluent in english, hindi, our native language and the state where I was raised, that state language too. Same case was my husband's. So. I used to tell him when we could pick up 4 languages easily, can't our child pick up 2 languages? Though hubby agreed but he was sort of convinced by his brother/SIL's theory that kid will be confused. Even my inlaws used to say their older son was right. So, in a way I was the only one hanging on to our native language. I could somehow not digest the fact that my kids would be so ignorant of their own mother tongue. The very thought disturbed me so much. I talked to my dad about this. My dad said stick to mother tongue with kids. Never let go, else you lose your culture too. I was confused, one side my inlaws theory and constant checking on me that I spoke in english so kid was not confused in daycare/school then on the other side my dad's advice not to let go mother tongue. When we went to see the Pediatrician for regular check up, I put forth this dilemma. He is a Swedish man. I cannot thank him enough. He advised us not to ignore mother tongue as that would mean cutting off the child's roots and identity. He said even if you don't want her to learn english, living in America you cannot simply stop. There may be slight confusion in the beginning but believe in science which says normal kid can pick up 5 languages at a time. That's it, I felt so happy and free at last. From that day onwards, my older one was just a year and half till this day I never converse in English with her. Both my kids can speak, read, write fluently their native language. They can converse with grandparents from both sides very well. Now, my inlaws have finally admitted that they are so happy with our decision. My brother inlaw's kids cannot interact much with grandparents. If my inlaws speak to anyone in their grandchildren its only our girls.

Never think, Whats the use of teaching mother tongue. After all, thats part of our identity, of who we are. I really feel those who don't take teaching mother tongue to their children seriously just because they are living outside India/or their native place are doing serious harm to their kids. When the child knows the native language, that boosts self-esteem of him so much. He can communicate with relatives, with grandparents and anyone in the family who cannot follow english. That will give him a huge sense of pride and also a feeling of security.

I was never stopped by my parents and I also never stopped my kids from asking questions. Asking questions out of curiosity and talking back are different. There is fine line and we as adults need to be alert to correct that. Kids by nature are curious. We should allow their questions to flow. Also be prepared, sometimes they are most embarassing too!!
In our house, we celebrate all the festivals just as my husband and I did while growing up. My daughters are very happy to celebrate and be part of rituals.

 

Totally agree with SeekingMind.
There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings.
And language and thru it culture give them the roots to be proud of and grow confidently. Not only that but the importance of bilingualism has been well established. Unless the child is having a learning language-related disorder, it should not be a problem. But providing the environment can be a headache. If you like me are more comfortable with English with DH then it takes conscientious effort to talk. My grandma lived with us when i was a child, so I remember all her lullaby/baby games/and sayings in my mother tongue - that helped a lot. For someone who as a teen did not understand all this hulla bulla about languages and believed why not make English the universal language and abolish all others, boy, I have come a long way. I can speak 4 languages and can dabble in 6 others, thanks to my dad's postings. I can tell you my language strength has been a better investment than calculus. And I am sad that I did not focus more on learning indepth other languages for English is but a poor cousin to Tamil or Hindi or Telugu.

As for asking question, that is the wings part. And much harder to implement, not all times I had the patience, not all times we could do as much as I wanted to , we did what we could. the Hindu mythology has been a great way to teach them. The beauty is when I tell the stories, read to them, hear their questions and interpretations, I see the epics from a different perspectives, it is a enriching experience for me too.

My teenaged daughter debates with me about God/organised religion, reads Richard Dawkins (I bought her those books ) but will come to the temple with the family, prays and tells shlokas.

Imho, tradition/culture is what I have the responsibility to expose them to, whether they choose to follow or not when they are adults is up to them. A sense of belonging and a mind of their own - that achieved, I would consider parenting a success.

 

Being a mother to a 3 year old and another one on way, I feel language plays important role in holding roots also we can olnly direct them to religion, culture whether to follow or not is their perspective. We who are raised in India know at least 3 languages ( in my case Hindi, Marathi and Gujrathi). My SIL has 3 kids and they have a rule once inside the house, Marathi is the only language that's to be spoken. We too speak in Marathi with my son and encourage him to talk to us in Marathi or ask questions in Marathi.
I feel they are going to learn English anyway. While enrolling my son in day-care we were worried as he spoke only Marathi and he understood only Marathi, but the center director his teachers were so re-assuring and encouraged us to speak with him in his mother-tongue. In 3 weeks he picked up English!!

I would echo @SunPa words "tradition/culture is what I have the responsibility to expose them to, whether they choose to follow or not when they are adults is up to them. A sense of belonging and a mind of their own - that achieved, I would consider parenting a success."

 

@Avanti30 Inquire in your library. If your library doesn't have a book they do borrow from any library on contingent USA. Also, have you tried bookganga.com they have very good inventory for Marathi books in print and e-book format. The owner Mandar Joglekar is based in Pennsylvania.

Good to know, tu marathi aahes!!