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Behavioural Changes/ Issues

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by arthidiva, Nov 1, 2010.

  1. RekhaViju

    RekhaViju Bronze IL'ite

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  2. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Rekha, sharing info??? willing willing and willing to know anything on parenting.. tips and info is always welcome.. you know as mommies, we never tend to loose interest in knowing more on parenting! the protective hawks that we are :))
     
  3. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    rekha, loved your link. we do some of it at home, but did not know what it is called or how it helps. something the school does actually. one more thing for me to ask the school. thanks a bunch for that.
     
  4. RekhaViju

    RekhaViju Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi girls, you all have been of so much help to me, now I feel relieved I can give you something back.

    have a look at the link below: parenting pyramid, which is the core of our course. Does this make any sense at all? The things to the right of the pyramid are what parents are supposed to do while those to the left are the benefits for the children. The things towards the bottom of the pyramid are the most important, and the things towards the top are to be seldom used. Or in other words, if you do the bottom part, seldom you need to go to the upper part of hte pyramid.

    http://www.colorado.edu/cspv/blueprints/modelprograms/images/IncYearsPyramid1.gif
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2010
  5. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Thats the answer, no matter the age. We are grownup devils, they are little devils :)

    But more than anything - I'd say observe how you and DH express anger - children pick up cues from that. Do you and DH ever express anger on anything or anyone in front of DS?
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2010
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    AD,

    I wanted to reply to this thread the night you posted..but you know i am so busy these days, that i am :drowning:drowning.
    relax, it is all about parenting and nothing do with sahm/working mom. I tell you as a seasoned mom (seasoning with all the tantrums, anger outbursts, i hate you ..mm..)..that all this is part of growing up, testing boundaries as asha and tikka and all others say.

    remembering they are individuals in their own rights helps..:hide:

    As a mom, we tend to go down guilt trips, thinking if we are doing enough..believe me as a mom, we always think we are falling short somewhere, in a way it is good, because it keeps us on our toes with regards to parenting but there is a downside, we are always thinking too much..and just to relax and do the best..

    just talk to him, ask him if he is angry about something at school or something.or is he picking up some tension at home,.sometimes the irritation/anger carries to their everyday activities..

    now you need to tell him he is such a sweeto for restricting himself from temptation..they thrive on positive talks and encouragement..

    Rekha the pyramids are enlightening..and i believe most of these are followed by few of us without giving them names as tikka says.

    Is there a way where the parent can learn to shut off but act as if listening when there is non-stop talk..........:drowning
     
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Something maybe our parents thought of a few decades back when they were at the receiving end :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2010
  8. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Shanthi, Tikka, Spidey, Rekha.. thanks for sharing..

    Spidey, yes he must have picked it up from us but we dont do it often.. it is a rare occurance and you know it is not obvious when a adult talks like that.. also our modulation is different.. something asked casually can be said in a raised voice to make it look like anger.. it looks normal but when a little one talks, it seems too much! ofcourse the child notices each and everything we say or do.. with or without our knowledge. DH and I have unknowingly contributed to his behaviour. we are being careful these days..

    Shanthi, yes I respect his invidualism.. I like that about him.. he dares to express his feelings frankly.. he has no qualms about pointing out an adults mistake.. I dont want him to hesitate to say something to us.. he mostly doesnt.. but when he hesitates, I tell him not to.. sometimes he acts as if he is scared of being caught doing something.. I go near him and tell him softly 'just say (or so) it, dont be scared..'..

    Tikka, as I said he has mellowed down so much in the past week.. the only difference is the way we are handling him.. like no raising voice at all at any point, repeating n number of times and then finally timing him out politely helps.. last night he cried because I refused to give him cold water.. we dont keep water in the fridge so this little fellow filled up his water bottle and kept in the fridge without me noticing it.. when I found it and took it out, he claimed that he kept it inside so it is his and he wants to drink it.. I politely refused it and carried him away.. he cried his lungs out, pleaded but we both didnt give in.. (I wanted to give in, but tried hard to be persistent) I carried him to his room and asked him to finish crying first.. he hugged me and cried for 5 mins.. then he wiped his tears off and says 'I finished crying, can we go out of the room now?' then I took him out.. he felt better after that. he never asked for that water again. you surely know how much effort this will take from us.. I admit - only when me and DH loose it, he looses it. poorthing, he is doing his best! I am glad there are no elders to criticise our parenting style.. I am sure there will be gyans following it 'he is a small kid, how will he know blah blah..' who is a small kid?!!?!

    Rekha, the pyramid is informative.. I am not sure about the order displayed there.. but you know in my experience with DS and talks with mommy friends, I feel we need to mix all of it to raise a child.. sometimes, talking (bottom end of the pyramid) alone will not help my child unless I tell him the consequences (top end) too.. atleast a modulated version of it is required.. also while I give him attention, I have to ignore certain behaviours of his so he lets it go.. I see that when we give attention to his silly behaviour, it only increases. so with ignoring, it fades away sooner.. there is not many that are seldom used.. may be proportions of usage will change but cannot be ignored completly at any point!
     
  9. redapple

    redapple Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Me too undergo the similar problem with my DD(3.3 years old). On the other day when one of her friend came home to play...after play i told them to wash their hands to eat.. my DD washed her hands but i saw she did not rinse it properly..so i tried to lift her to take her to bathroom again..believe me i did not say anything harsh...i just told her you need to rinse 1 more time..she immediately told her friend i love you but i don't love my mom...

    i don't know what made her talk like that...she jst burst out these words like whenever her dad get angry with her..she says i love mom not you and vice versa... i keep telling her that you need both and it hurts when you say like this... i thought she understood..

    it was more hurting when she said in front of her friend....

    i don't know how to handle this.. please help me to make her stop saying these statements

    please help me moms..thanks
     

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