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Behavioral Issues In Preschool - Am Extremely Down - Please Help!

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Sandhya13, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    I read your post and complete thread.
    It was quite interesting from view point of parenting and the struggle as a parent in bringing up child with perceived deviations in behaviour. I liked in general the solutions offered by other IL’ites & that of @Srama in particular.

    Am now curious .
    Your DS is around seven now. I would like to know how is he now in paying attention to class, class teacher in particular at school and in his studies.

    With best wishes
    THYAGARAJAN
     
  2. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    @Thyagarajan sir, it is nice that you revived this thread. I almost forgot that I created one like this.

    I was smiling as I read my OP and subsequent replies. We have come a long way since then. He is 6 and is in kindergarten now. He is doing great. He can speak, read, and write in both Tamil and English. He is on par with his English language communication skills when compared to kids who are native English speakers. His teacher says that he is above his grade level in terms of English reading, writing, and comprehension and also in Math.

    With a bit of a hindsight, I have the following to say:

    When we first enroll a 2 or 3 year old to preschool/daycare, there is going to be some adjustment period when the child gets used to the new environment and routine. Sometimes parents might get overwhelmed during this time especially with the first kid as that would be our first time. This is what happened to us. To add to this, I just got pregnant then with our second one and so it was very emotional for me with my DH blaming me for everything.

    I think most kids are capable of learning more than 1 language easily when introduced at a young age. To parents raising kids outside India, they could decide to speak their mother tongue at home in addition to the language spoken in the country of residence. And most kids will easily pick up both the languages fine. Our daughter who just turned 2 now can understand and speak both Tamil and English. If we can, I think we should give the opportunity to our kids to learn at least 1 language other than English. The more the better!

    I also understood with time that kids are different and it does not make any sense to compare one toddler to another. My 2 kids are completely opposite in terms of their temperament and behavior as toddlers. My boy was (still is) very active and curious which made him act impulsive as a 2/3 year old. He will not think before doing any mischief. If he feels like it, he will do it at the very second. My daughter on the other hand, is so different than him. She is also curious but is not hyperactive. Yesterday she sat on the kitchen countertop as I was making veg upma for us. As soon as I made her sit on the countertop, she pointed to each object around her and told what is expected out of her. She points to the power outlet and says 'pappa no touch shockkk', (pappa means baby - she is referring her as baby) she points to water filter and says 'pappa no open wawa (water)'. She also points to each veggie as I cut and says the name and something about it in her baby language like kava (karam as in spicy) for green chilies etc. I also let her fry the pan or mix the liquid a little while I cook and she proclaims proudly to daddy that she cooked food for him. We are so amazed by her level of understanding and communication at such a young age which is completely opposite to that of our boy at that age. Also, she sits and listens to me reading to her for even more than 20-25 mins. After that she opens the book, points to the pictures and tells/acts the story back to me. This was an impossible task for my boy when he was 2 years. At 2, he just wanted to run/jump/climb etc. If I am lucky I can probably make him sit for 3 mins but only after he got his dose of physical activity for at least an 1 hour. But its okay. That's how kids are. Eventually it will be okay. We just need to keep working with them.

    My son, now at 6, enjoys reading and can sit and focus on writing or any other activity reasonably for his age. Another thing that amazed us is that at just 18 months old our daughter told us that she wants to use toilet like her Anna (brother) and doesn't want diapers. She initiated her potty training and now is off diapers during the day. When her brothers attends online school, she goes and dances with him when his class dances for a song. She says bye at the end of the class when all say bye. She also scribbles on her writing board and read her book while he is attending his online class. We jokingly call her 'Eklavyi' (referring to Eklavya charcterter in Mahabaratha) that she learns without seeing her teacher and enrolling in school. When I come down (I work upstairs in the second bedroom since I have PC with huge monitors; DH works with laptop and he can be mobile so he works in the living room near kids) for a short break while our son is in class, our daughter turns to me and says 'sshhhhh anna school' meaning I should be quiet since he is attending his class online. There are many things like this she surprises us with daily.

    I started to give an update about our son and ended up with a long essay on our parenting experience :)
     
    chanchitra, Srama, radv and 4 others like this.
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    • The leading psychologists ( some of them are from Israel) avers that a child can learn as many as five languages at a time. They “hear” the sound while adults only “ listen”. When English, Tamil, Marathi & Hindi constantly spoken in person or and on phone at home among family members, friends of neighbourhood, domestic helps the infants or toddlers or kids exposed to the sounds of our speech and they heard it and it is in their memory.
    • One fine morning you would notice with astonishment they retrieve those heard word from their memory and their tongue is not just mother tongue but a cosmopolitan tongue.
    • Kids of Officers on transferable jobs as in military learn astonishingly pick up newer words in many languages and use it accurately.
    • A friend of mine was transferred to eight different places during is long tenure but his daughter could fluently speak eight languages that includes British accented English. From Tamil to Malayalam to Punjabi to Hindi to English she speaks leaving others marvel at her unction, diction & erudition.
    • About Child learning many languages at tender age brings to mind a small conversation between admission seeking child with school headmistress in link
    • Humour - Spiderman, Hanuman, & Sitaa

    Truly delectable and I stand delighted. Incidentally the name “ekaliva” must ring a bell to a link here:
    Ekalaiva The Errand Boy
    To ascertain the innate talent among kids, in a school in a huge hall many articles in various shapes size and colour kept in arrangement in one corner and in the other in disarray. Kids all have freedom to move around and do what they like while parents & talent searching school masters watch them in a cctv. Kids showing talents specifically to a sport or a branch of engineering picked up this way. Top sportsmen and women thus picked up nurtured and turned world or Olympic champions. That is Japan and Israel.


    Super. It gives me a great idea for tv commercial.

    I am quite delighted with the progress and succinct narration of your boy vs girl progress. I could visualise the “rapture” in your answers and many of your statements here deserves accolades and are are to underscored here as
    - young would be and just Mothers “still wet behind their ears” would by reading this thread get encouragement about parenting their kids born or on the way to be delivered or conceived awaiting full term completion.
    Thanks for the detailed response.
     
    satchitananda, Sandhya13 and radv like this.
  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Sandhya13,

    Sometimes I miss such an important post and thanks to @Rihana, I read your recent update about your son and especially your sweet little daughter. It must be fun to watch her say a few words in Mazalai (a child language). You are right about the patients needed for the parents in raising a child. It is tiring to raise a hyperactive child as I had experienced that while raising my son. I related so well with everything you wrote as my son also couldn't sit in a class, if the teacher disciplines him, he started crying. However, he spoke so many languages when he was in preschool as we moved so much when he was young. He spoke Tamil (his mother tongue), English, Marathi (we were in Pune), Malayalam (we were in Trivandrum for a while), and Bengali (as one of the teachers spoke Bengali). Later he spoke fluent Hindi when he went to elementary school in Mumbai.

    It is interesting to know how your daughter is adjusting to both of you working and your son attending online school so nicely. Each child is so different and the parents learn from their actions as much as they learn from the parents. The only way a hyperactive child can balance out is by using all their energy on playing and being active. When we took our son to Parks, if we end up relaxing for a while, he would claim on the steel bars to the highest level while all the parents scream at us for not looking after our child. However, we know that he can exert only by playing. He hurt himself sometimes, but we took it as part of his growing up. I need to speak to him first when I return from work and only once in my tension, I had a conversation first with my wife. He was standing in the chair facing backward and fell flat to the ground and cut his tongue. We need to immediately take him to the hospital to stitch his tongue. It is tough to raise hyperactive children and the only way to manage them is to exert them. After their brain development takes place, they get diverted to so many activities resulting in the reduction in hyperactiveness. I am glad he passed through that phase and I am sure he is enjoying the company of his little sister too. :blush:
     
  5. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    Oh yeah! It is very true. My own aunt was able to speak 5 languages before she turned 7. She grew up in Bangalore and so she knew Kannada which is the official language of the State. They speak Tamil at home. Her best friend and next door neighbor speak Telugu and so my aunt picked it up as well in no time. So, 3 languages before she turned 3. Then she learnt English and Hindi too at school. Thus, she turned out to be very fluent in 5 languages before 7.

    We experienced this with our son. He did not say even amma/appa until he was 2 years and 8 months old. But within 4 months he developed his language tremendously that he was singing 4-line Tamil rhymes when he turned 3.

    Many kids who grew up in India get this wonderful opportunity to speak many languages at a young age either due to being a part of multi-lingual family or due to transferrable jobs of parents. This is truly great about India!

    This is very interesting!

    Thank you for your kind words about my daughter! We take many videos and picture of both kids and my most favorite thing to do is to see and cherish those. It makes my heart melt!
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    @Viswamitra sir, thank you for sharing your experience in raising your son. Knowing how well he turned out to be including his academic achievements, it gives immense hope to all parents dealing with hyperactive kids that we just need to constantly work with our kids and remind ourselves that all will be well eventually.

    This sounds scary. I can understand how stressful it might have been to you and more so for your wife who must have spent so much more time with your son than you. I can envision the crucial role she played in your son's development. And you both bear the fruits of a job well done. I hope to see that day with my kids but I know there is a lot of work from both of us to achieve that - to give the best opportunities that we can, to constantly push our kids to the best of their abilities, and to be there for them when they need us. For now, I am just a little relaxed since both kids are very young.

    This is so true about most hyperactive kids. It does get better with time. Until then we need to be patient and find constructive ways to burn all that excess energy. We are also so glad we have passed that stage with our son. It also helped that he was the first kid and our prime focus was him 24x7.
    And yes, now my son enjoys very much the company of his sister and he told us that he is very glad that she came into our family. He also says that he loves her more than us. They both say they are each other's first love :) It makes me so happy to see the incredible bond between them! I only hope and pray it stays like this forever.
     
    Thyagarajan and Viswamitra like this.

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