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Behavioral Issues In Preschool - Am Extremely Down - Please Help!

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Sandhya13, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    @Sandhya13 ,

    What type of a preschool does he go to? Is it regular public school, church school or day care setting? Is it 5days/week full time?

    Couple of things I can think of -

    (a)Like sokanasanah suggested, speak in both languages - each parent one language. You will be amazed how soon kids up and then at some point you will be struggling to get him to speak in Tamil. Language is the easiest part.
    (b)Check with the teacher if you can give a few key sentences/phrases in Tamil that she can use to get the kid to do what is required (like 'I want you to listen to me now' when he gets mischievous etc) till he is more comfortable with English. You will be surprised how many are willing to work with you. It may also surprise your son that the teacher can speak his language :)
    (c)At the same time, get an understanding of classroom routine and reinforce the same at home - meaning tell the child when teacher says 'circle time' this is what you do etc. Do this for all the chunks of activities.
    (d)Set an expectation with your son that he is required to listen to his teacher even if you think he is not understanding.

    I am assuming it is only because the communication seems one way, your son is not responding the way he should. You can't expect a three or four year old to sit in awareness, anticipating his name may be called, he may be required to do something when he is not is actually following what's happening for the larger part of the day. It is natural for him to get lost in what he thinks is important to him.

    Coming to your husband, now that you know he only speaks in frustration, don't
    let this get to you. You are the mom. Sometimes you have to be stronger for you and your husband and just keep the goal in mind.

    Will it help if the teacher instructs in Tamil that he should not run. You can tell her that once he is caught up with English, he might be more engaged in class?

    You are the parent. I know easier said than done but your tone/body language everything sends a message. See if you can work on that. Don't let him manipulate you (I am not saying this in a negative way please!) Personally I am not a big believer in punishments or rewards but then that is me....that to me feels like negotiating and I feel it is just setting expectations. Think about it and see what you can do.

    All I will say is accept you are in charge
    and be firm with both of them when needed :)

    Honestly, preschool is such a joyful time. Teachers are more than willing to work with you. See how you can approach them the best to request how they can help you and do what you think is right for your child. I can assure you that you will look back on this and wonder as to why you let yourself get so worked up. It will all be fine.

    Best wishes.
     
    sindmani and Sandhya13 like this.
  2. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    @NeerjaC thank you so much for a detail response! It helps a lot!

    We've always had a schedule for him and he mostly knows what's to come. I fully agree with you about the struggle to reprimand 3 year olds. He never fails to surprise us with his amusing reply. But yeah, I think I need to do a better job in teaching him his boundaries.

    We've recently started this and it works well most of the time. We got him the gummies multivitamin and he loves it. So, we tell him he will get one for his good behavior.

    I think I know the main problem with me. I am not being consistent with my approach and this is probably why it is not working for me.

    You are very right about this. He has so much of energy and we constantly need to find constructive ways to burn his calories.

    I see that he is interested in books and I am reading in English everyday with him. I am pretty sure he will pick up the language. The main problem is the disciplining part and hopefully it will get resolved.
     
  3. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    @Srama thank you for your response.. when I saw that you have responded I was feeling very happy.. I have always held you in high regards. I never got a chance to tell you this until now :)

    I wrote the OP when I was really down. Things are starting to get better. You are spot on about your suggestion to set expectations for him. So, we are telling him how his behavior in school is expected to be. We didn't give much importance to talking to the kid up front and giving him heads up about the expectations. But we were surprised to see how such seemingly small thing makes a huge difference. So, everyday we tell him what is expected out of him and it does seem like he is beginning to understand this. We also appreciate a lot for good behavior. This is all new to him as he was at home till now and he did whatever he wanted to at home. The past few days we only hear appreciations from his teacher for something or the other. And he is trying to form sentences in English - of course with wrong prepositions/verb etc but still he is trying. And I daily read to him. When DH talks to him in English, LO asks him the meaning of the words that he didn't understand. So, we see progress and we are very hopeful. I am feeling much much better now and after reading all the responses, my problem does seem easily manageable. He is going to a private preschool 5 days a week. And it looks like he is starting to like his school. Last night he told us in a joyful tone that he wants to sleep and then go to school tomorrow. I am very happy now :)

     
    SunPa, sindmani, Srama and 1 other person like this.
  4. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Sandhay13,

    That is so sweet of you.
    Thank you for those words. I truly appreciate it.

    I am glad things are working out and that he is happy going to school. Thank you for the lovely update!
     
    sindmani and Sandhya13 like this.
  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Glad your little boy is responding to the language cues. For English, your husband can play the labeling game with him - first with names for household objects, then with his wants & desires, and then with what he feels (opinions and emotions). Objects (nouns) and operations/feeling (action-words) are a good way to go. Success breeds motivation. When your boy finds that he can get things done and make his feelings known, he will take to the language rapidly.

    I still remember when I first got a feeling for what the phrase "Of course" might mean. I ran around for a few days injecting that into every sentence I could. Made me feel very sophisticated. :oops:
     
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  6. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for your really good suggestions! will definitely try them..

    This is hilarious :roflmao::roflmao:
     
  7. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    Quick edit to my post above. "Action-words" would mean verbs. What I meant to say was "function words/phrases" -> these would cover "getting stuff done" and expressing thoughts, feelings, opinions, wants, and desires.
    Only in retrospect. If you had been around then, you might have found it maddening, rather like Bertie with one of Edwin the Boy-Scout's fleeting enthusiasms!:lol::facepalm:
     
    Sandhya13 likes this.
  8. diamond1880

    diamond1880 Senior IL'ite

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    I too am in the same sorta soup n its more or less of the same consistency, couple of things is my DD understands english, and local language she speaks well too, we in india thats another plus i guess, but it is a hue and cry when it comes to going to school, she wont get into the school bus so I am forced to drop her to school at the gate she cries so much, making a scene and making me look like a monster for a mother.
    her father completely shrugs off the school dropping work telling "she would not come with me" and every other thing that goes wrong with her is only my responsibility.
    When my DD does not behave it is only because of bad parenting from my end
    My DD is stubborn then it is my fault. When I try to disciple her he would say she is just a kid in front of her so she knows how to get her work done

    I am at my wit's end and it is a nightmare for me to get her to school
     
    Sandhya13 likes this.
  9. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I understand your pains @Sandhya13.
    I was also concerned when i put my child in daycare. Language they pick very fast and eventually they are going to forget your language, no matter how much you try to control. So may be your child does not understand your teacher because of language gap.

    How long he been going to school/daycare now? You take him out more and you can speak both languages to him like first tamil then english.
    Overactiveness, spilling things on purpose all kids do at this age they do and i hear by age of 5 they calm down a bit. Mine keeps the tap running and plays with soap / water in sink and in 5 mins, there is flood on floor and all wet.
    Do not be harsh on yourself and do not blame. We do everything for kids. If it turns out good, we do not speak and if something bad happens by chance, we start blaming.
     
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  10. Sandhya13

    Sandhya13 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @sanjuruby3 @diamond1880 for your replies
    He is doing well now and has come a long way. He learns very fast and is smart. When I opened this thread, it seemed a big issue mainly because of DH putting me down. Also I just got pregnant with 2nd one and my pregnancy hormones made it worse. Things are going good and I am happy now :)
    Thanks everyone for taking time to reply to me. It helped a lot when I was down.
     
    chanchitra and Rihana like this.

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