Beautiful family, brillant kid and heartless parent-in-laws. Seeking advice

I am 39 year old and happily married and blessed with a very intelligent kid of 2.6 years old. My routines include, going to lab very early (4 to 6 am, my wife and kid would wake up around 9.30 am and talk to me over phone) and work hard till 4-5 pm (we used to talk over phone several times in-between), my home is five minutes away from lab, hence my wife and kid will wait at the bus/train station so that we are used to go for walking till 7 pm or so…and spend time in nearby kinder park or river bank. Weekends were exclusive for my wife and kid and often I cook dishes for them. We are used to go for shopping or rounds in the city or zoo together on all weeekends....I have never smooked and drinked and likes to spend much time with my kid…..All went fine till Nov 2012, when my wife proposed to visit India 20 days ahead of me….and she justified that our daughter could spend her deeepavali with their grandparents….Air-ticket prices were high and amid of my busy work schedule, I contacted several travel agencies and at-last I managed to get the ticket…my wife and kid left to India on first week of Nov 2012 with tears in their eyes and was telling that hereafter we all should go together. But when I reached India after 22 days, my wife, her parents kept a dead face and barely talked to me at the airport. Now she refused to come with me and told to some of the relatives and friends that she just needs the birth certificate of the child. ​

There was a reason for our India visit; we have decided to buy a piece of land next to the ancestor property of my wife. And registration was fixed the next day of my arrival…..On the day or arrival, the person who got the power registration informed us that the landlady was dead and if you wish you can do the registration with the signature of the landlady/s husband and son, and he will try to get the varrisu certificate in either 3 months or 6 months later….when we confronted him, he told the truth and returned advance money and said he will get the certificate in a day or two. So we decided not to fight for loss compensation with him and kept the bond paper worth a lakh rupees…and later he did not kept his words. Visiting India in Nov/Dec 2012 was the biggest mistake in my life…​

The real problem is that my wife's mother is very talkative....not convenciable........never care about mind and soul...no matter what others think and if they have heart or not.......she just wanted to see that I should buy lot of properties like land, gold etc...and never imagine the real use of accumulating wealth without meaning...never know what PhD means and what academic means....Never care if I have a carrier ambitions.....She now wanted her daughter to go for job and repeatedly assured to my wife that they can give a best education to their granddaughter....never ever advised their daughter about the importance of the family life...how to treat others with kind and loving heart...she will never realize what the actual life is and what happiness is and the real value of what good others have done to them....always with negative approach....believe the words of the stranger especially the advocates who run their family land issue cases...but not their own relatives and friends... she never wanted to tell good things to her daughter....the situation is difficult since no elder person (including her own brothers) in her village wanted to talk/discuss to her because of her low level of thinking (but she manages she is good and imagine herself as brilliant than others)....If someone visit their home, immediately after they leave there will be a negative talk/discussion on them rather than what good they have done..
Her father as far as everyone know is quite and calm….he never raise voice against her....After certain stage of problem/discussion, he will try to pick up some words uttered by the opponent and then talks only about those words as if he is judgmental in his activity....but create a scene as if the opponents made him angry....This makes the things very difficult....because they never wanted to find solution to problem...and I approached several elderly persons however, my wife simply asks them…will you give guarantee for my life if I go there……they could do nothing…
My wife is a sort of innocent and don't really know what is right or wrong....now i am moving around in such a environment...My parentinlaws never care for the betterment of their daughter and my wife cares them and claims that she is the only one to take care of them since she is the only daughter....she was falsy made to believe that they have a lot of wealth (of-course land earned by their grandparents are there and cannot even immediately sell to make money).....she don't even try to think or appreciate my unconditional love and plan for future...she simply thinks that her parents are acting on best of her but in reality not....Since my family consists of my father, stepmother and stepbrother...she was told by her mother that I spend all the money to them....and my wife simply believes that....and behave without any courtesy or thanks....she simply forget what good I have done so far and how much I cared her and my little daughter...When I tried to explain that I cooked whatever you asked during all the days of your pregnancy...and as her parents were around...she simply shouted that it is quite normal that all husbands are used to cook for their wife's...no matter what money is...no matter what happiness is.....no matter does the husband has a heart or not...​

Till this incidence I used to tell, once we settled in India we should build a house in a such a way to accommodate your parents....and I really know that it is my responsibility to take care of her parents...
All the 4 years of our married and abroad life, she managed to talk to her mother over phone for more-than an hour daily, still she claims that I am not allowing her to talk to her parents....the real question is if they care why they don't wanted to spend money to talk to their daughter...now I believe that i was such a foolish to spend money on her phone to her mother to talk bad about me...So far we visited twice India and both the times i got some gold to my wife...and last Feb, we took the entire family and purchased dressess to all of them...I did all this with true heart......I was happy to spend money for my whole family.....however during the issue they simply told you did nothing to your wife and kid...It was so rude that I simply asked...ok....if I did nothing to my 2.5 year old daughter...what have you done to your 29 year old daughter (to be frank, they did nothing and spend nothing to me and my wife..In fact I spend money for her airfair)...they got furious...started shouting that we have money to feed their daughter for next 3 generations…
My daughter is brilliant and easy grasping...If she is properly tuned and channeled, I am sure that she will reach greater heights....I had a great plan for her and empower her with education....and I just miss my lovely daughter...So far I had provided the best chances to her and brought her all these days on my chest....the love her too much and miss her too much....I lost my mother at the age of 15, since then I was looking for a unconditional love and when I was blessed with a girl child..I thought this is my mother…...and the gap will create negative aspects in her mind....I don't know how to bring up such a beautiful and brilliant kid....money, foolishness and selfishness had kept my daughter away from me....
This is just a one side story...I am going to send this post link to my wife's email ID, and it would be fair if she could tell her version of story...rather talking with her mother and father alone....
Let me wait and unless my wife realized the problem will not solve. Since there are no elders to tell good or bad....they will never realize what is good or bad....​

As a scientist now it is becoming difficult to concentrate on the research….mind is so trumbling….and I was looking for unconditional love since I lost my mother…..now the things are worst….I don’t know the future of my kid….It would be great if group members could tell me a way to get back my little family….​

 

[FONT=&quot]@Mahajanpragati Thanks for your words….All these days, we took time to cool the situation. I send my cousin sisters to my wifes place to convience my wife and her mother. My cousin sister visited two days with a gap of about a month. First time, my wife starting giving a big statement for about 4 hours. Main acquistion was that she don’t know my salary (ofcourse I have discussed with her and I live in a country which follows norms, hence could be easily verfiable using internet). The next important thing is that I will (please note the future tense) spend all my salary/ money to my parents and brother.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Now I just wanted to add myside options and what I have done so far…[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Yes, she dont want to come back after Nov. visit.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I really cannot talk to her when her parents were not there..they live in farm house and her father is a farmer…so at all the times, her mother is around…That’s why I opted my cousin sisters and assured that I will answer all of my wife questions over phone or skype. I even told them that if needed, I can make a short visit to solve the issue. My wife is so stuborn and don’t want to talk to me over phone or skype.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]After marriage, we visited India three times including this, and everytime, I used to get some gold for her and she used to give them to her parents and they claim that they keep them in bank locker. This time, I was planning to get around 20 sovern gold..and before this was made the land issue came first. Hence I could purchase some 24 c gold biscuit only and has been deposied in a bank locker which I opened immetiely after she and her mother started a big fight. I did gave this piece of information and produced the purchase bills to her. I have few laks for my daughter as a fixed deposit in India. My daugther at her 2. 5 years has almost half of the gold as much as my wife own. They wanted money nearly crore..where and how can I spend money they wanted to spend…[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot] As far as her 1 to 2 hour telephone call to her mother, I never remind her or discussed with her. Over weekends we either spend 4 hours on gtalk to our parents (her parents will visit my home on Sunday to see my daughter). If not we will talk to both the house for about 1 hours. No partiality and we mostly talk about my daughter’s happy moments of the day or week. [/FONT]​

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[FONT=&quot]Land story is really big and the entire problem went loose only because of this…since they were believing only the words of the seller…and don’t want to see the problems associated with that land (they just wanted me to get some land since some of her relatives are building home, purchased car and land) .[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Yes, I realized that I should not have send my wife 22 days in advance even after knowing the knowledge level of MIL and her never caring mentality…[/FONT]​

 

[FONT=&quot]@Priya 16.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Thanks a lot…She had done her five year law course in India. Our marriage was fixed mainly for her willigness to go for higher studies and stay in abroad. She wanted to MBA, I discussed with the university authorities, filed an application (I wrote SOP for her and send her a copy) and just few days before the admission letter reached her home. She was assured a stipend of 700 Euros. Because of late in visa, she could not join.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]After which she was pregnant and was busy with baby….and all the times, I stressed her to write some articles (I gave model articles and formats too). Next our home, there is a univ dept headed by an NRI and runs MBA. I gave the print out and during our evening walk; I pointed her building several times. But she wanted me to talk to them…I encouraged that they will not mistake and they will help you…but she never tried…[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Ofcourse she has to take care of her parents since she is the only daughter….and above this it is my responsibility to take care of my PIL as my own parents. I did discussed about this to her several times and even the chocolates I used to purchase will be same as to my home (despite I have additional my brother at my home). I never showed any partialities.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]I have to admit that I also could not figure out what was running between my wife and my MIl. Why all my efforts and love/caring moments was not taken in to consideration? What is the actual motto?[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]What I understand is that her parents (especially her mother and her is echoing her mother) are encouraging a separation….they are also not ready to discuss with anyone…(the reality is none of her own relatives are willing to talk to them).

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[FONT=&quot]@[/FONT][FONT=&quot]sweetshreya[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Thanks for your generosity in inviting my wife to IL. So kind of you… I did invite my wife orally through a common friend. I guess she has not seen this so far…[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Yes, about my wife…I would call her that she knows little, she believe in seeing, for eg, she strongly believes that all those smile and talk is good and the next day if their face showed little sign change then she will become a big enemy to them….and all those purchase cars pay full down payment….she simply believes whatever her mother told to her….they were quite close to a uncle and when there was a property dispute, she wanted even my brother not to smile at them,if they were seen at road or bus-stand…[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]Thanks for pointing myself…I am much bothered about the future of my kid….if a kid is trained to think and smile at younger age, the girl will grow with confidence and will lead a fullest life. The rule of tump of parents, if the parents don’t trust each other, the child will never grow normally….Life is full of trust, small gestures and offering small help. …Time and tide wait for none…My mother died when I was 15, as a only son…The gap is never filled…needless to say I have never seen an unconditional love so far….Grandparents can never replace the parents….Now my wife claims that she wanted to use only her name as itiail for my daughter….and most unpleasant news is that she will train our daughter in such a way that she will have a big hate to myself (her father)…[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]So I am in a boat with no rows, no winds to move forward…[/FONT]​

 

[FONT=&quot]@12adityas[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Thank you, your point is right that in general most girls would get offended if the situation is discussed in public forum….I have no choice, they don’t want to listen to anyone…my FIL (who always so silent but always echoing my MIL) openly telling me, “we know everything…no one is above us”..I just wanted her to realize….what is good and what is bad…My wife is easily convincible if she is here…but now the situation is if I want to tell her convincing words, her mother adds a counter words…If she starting looking at what other ladies suggest, she might realize…harassing me is not a question, all my concern is how my little daughter will grow healthy, mentally and physically…Poisonous words will never make a child to grow normally…[/FONT]​

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[FONT=&quot]Your judgment on my PIL, “[/FONT]quarrelsome, petty minded with poor intellect” is 100% right….I asked some elderly persons from her village to help me to solve the issue…They simply advised me to try to convince my wife and added, “we thought you wife is educated, but we don’t want to talk to her parents, we have no good rapport with them and they live in farm house little away from village”​

I never realized that my wife would listen to her mother when she is living a quite good life…waking at 9 am, feeding and playing with baby, and I join the evening for a walk, ice cream…visiting groceries on the way….and weekend visiting zoo or out in the city. It is quite difficult to believe that she give up every thought of myself..keeping the baby away from me and listening to her mother…What I understand is that mother will shed tears if daughter life is at toss, but I could not imagine how my MIL is smiling when she is claiming that my daughter don’t want to live with him anymore….I am trying to digest​

[FONT=&quot]Now I could see much more difficulties in managing myself, thinking loud and peace of mind is a big question. Still I cook, eat, managing research, help students, trying to sleep….and keep my heart steady and head above.[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]All I am doing is trying to keep my prayers….dear friends please do pray for my wife and daughter…I believe time will give a good solution…[/FONT]​