Beating children at home for mistakes : Act of abuse or disciplining ?

I do believe it is not good to beat the child but at the same time it depends on the severity of the crime. No parents want to emotionally weaken the child and no parents will beat the child to show his disappointment ( in most cases, though there are variations and exceptional cases). I am referring to an ideal case here.
The idea behind giving a physical punishment like a beating or a pinch is mainly not to harm or hurt him but to make him realize that whatever you are doing is not at all acceptable. These days esp in schools children don't not fear the teachers at all. I have a friend who is a teacher in a village school in TN. She is from a good respectable family and was taking class for 10th std students.
Since many are taller than her, she never used any harsh words or even never tired to beat them. Once she scolded a boy for trying to copy in the exam and he in turn commented on her which a student is not supposed to.
She had no option, but to slap the boy for his words. In this case, I don't think she is wrong. As a child my parents were too caring for me like the usual parents. But my mother used to beat us ( myself and my sister) when we were very small and used to fight with each other.
Those days we were so much into WWF that we used to practice at home by jumping from the bed sides on each other. We now laugh at it, but this used to make my mother go nuts. We being girls, my mother was so worried what if this would create some injuries on each other. But we never listened and used to end up getting slapped for this mischief.
But as we stared growing, my mother used to make us understand the mistake that we are doing by words and why she does not want the stick to be used on us. This made us feel responsible as we realized we are grown up and started obeying her.
Today we are happy no regrets or anger towards parents.
So it all depends on the situation exactly.
Whether we consider abuse or for disciplining is upto the situation. Same way I know a neighborhood teen boy who ran away since his parents beat him after he failed for 2 papers.
So the child as well as the parents should know to handle the situation carefully before deciding on anything. The worst punishment i feel is not talking to the children. When I used to stay in my relatives house, my aunty used to stop talking to me to show her anger. I hated that like anything.... So deal with the problem maturely.

 

Darmesh- I really felt sorry for you (and in some way for your mother also) after reading your post. As other poster said, it is very important to plan a baby and know what lies ahead than just have a baby and try to figure it out. Getting educated for the big change is missing in our society (I am not saying just Indian society, this problem is everywhere). In a way I feel that if I were to have a baby in my 20s, I wouldn't have been as mature as I am now. I talked to my sisters and they agreed. As my oldest sister said- "it was specially hard with the first child, I had no idea what to do when he didn't listen, MIL made my life hell and there was no support from H, so I took my frustrations out on the toddler". She was working and became mother at 22 (exactly 10 months after the wedding). So, in a way she was just not prepared and support system was non-existent.
Now, I can boast about being so patient with my son, keep my calm even when he throws a tantrum but if I compare my situation, it is totally different. I was 31 when I had my son. My husband is always there to help. I've no one else (PIL) to add to my frustrations. And, in 30s of course I am a lot calmer than my 20 something self.
What I am getting at is- No, beating/ punishment is not the way to discipline the child but what we really need is- a support system for parents and to educate them beforehand.
I am sure your mother feels bad about beating you because no mother wants to do that. I hope more mothers (and fathers) will read this thread and benefit from this discussion.

 

by laks

laks, im with u. i have 2 hyper active boys who are 4 1/2 and 2 1/2. i feel every single words that u have put in.
remember, people says spare the rod and spoil the child? im not saying yelling and spanking is fine, but every children are unique and special in their own way. different methods need to be use to mold them to be good human being.

 

There is a saying in Tamil, "அடிக்கிற கை தான் அணைக்கும்" (meaning, the hands which beats are the same which hugs later). Popular culture in Tamil Nadu, has believed for generations, that beating the child is right. Sad reality, people in Tamil Nadu believe it now too.