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Be fat avoid fatality

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Dieticians and doctors will tell you that having too much of weight to throw around is not a good thing. I believed them once and shed tons to acquire my present lean and mean look. But now I am having second thoughts about it. Thank you Indrani Mukherjea.

    As an ex-fatso I have always looked condescendingly upon the huge balls of flesh that roll towards me when I go for a walk in the park. .Now I view them with awe and respect and the Sheena Bora murder case is solely responsible for my change of attitude.

    Now what on earth do Sheena and Indrani got to do with obesity? It has got everything to do with suitcases
    .
    Please don’t think of lynching me because of the way I am making you pull your hair as if there wasn’t enough hair pulling over the Sheena Murder case with investigators already racking their brains over who is who in the case. Who is whose father,daughter, step father, step mother ,step step father (step mother’s husband who is not a stepson’s father. There are a whole lot of steps in this case.).

    Okay, let me try and make things clearer for you. Let us start with suitcases, shall we? Suitcases have never, never just been innocent boxes in which you carried your essentials when you travelled. They have always had a sinister connotation.

    “To hand over a suitcase” meant handing over a huge amount of cash in bribe to a politician’s minion for a favour or two from his boss. No point in asking why the hell can’t we bribe people through cheque or credit cards. These guys are too old fashioned to accept it. May be for a truly bigshot minister or two you can arrange a bank transfer to some account in Switzerland, Liechtenstein or Cayman Islands but otherwise it was always the suitcase.


    Similarly, in the Mumbai underworld parlance extortion money was always measured in terms of suitcases. “Ek peti” (one suitcase) meant Rs one crore.

    The reputation of the suitcase has gone for one more big toss thanks to the Sheena murder case. After Sheena was bumped off allegedly by her mother Indrani and mom’s ex-husband, her body was packed in a suitcase before being burnt in the densely forested Raigadh area of Maharashtra. This shows that the killers were not dense because they chose an area dense with greenery
    .
    Patience dear, reader I can now hear the grinding of your teeth, we are finally coming to the point. If you had seen Sheena’s photographs, you would have found a svelte figure, almost size zero. Such a figure is a cordial invitation for being packed into a suitcase dead as a dodo.

    Now let us go to the gigantic fleshballs I encounter during my morning walk. Can you even think of packing them into a suitcase? Certainly not, not even in the sweetest of your dreams. Even one single limb of these worthies won’t fit into a suitcase, you can forget about the body.

    Also Sheena was strangled . To strangle someone you have to find their neck. It was quite easy in case of the trim n’ slim Sheena. Try strangling a Sumo wrestler instead. To paraphrase Shahrukh Khan’s dialogue from Don “Mushkil nahin, namumkeen hai (Not just difficult but impossible) for the simple reason the neck is invisible here. It is as if the head is fused over the shoulders without the intermediary of the neck.

    Sheena Bora could also have been shot but try shooting one of my fleshball friends instead. The bullet would probably get lodged in folds of flesh and our friend would remain unscathed.

    Also you would need a huge trunk to transport a very dead fatso who wouldn’t fit into a suitcase. And there are serious logistical problems in transporting large trunks. They just won’t fit into a car dickey and you would probably need a truck which is far more noticeable than a car and is more prone to attracting the attention of cops who wouldn’t mind their palms being greased.

    Now I hope you have understood the advantages of obesity. So our mota sorry moti sorry motto should be “Be Fat Avoid Fatality”.

    PS: Please don’t land at my doorstep with an (empty) suitcase if this thread has driven you nuts.
     
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  2. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    your post made me smile....when i was really sad!
    Thank you!
     
  3. surekhap

    surekhap Platinum IL'ite

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    @Balajee sir seems more interested in the case want to relate every thing around to it.
    interested in the case or in indrani with a suitcase???????
    as ur lean pulling others legs calling mottos ........
    ok any way found one of the advantage of obesity finally. so I need not be afraid of suitcases any more If I stay like this unless god has already booked one for me.
    one more thing u be care full that suitcase may suit u.
    just joking
     
  4. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Ashima glad I was able to act as an antidepressant.
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Surekha I wouldn't mind Indrani with a suitcase if the suitcase is packed with cash. As for Indrani, why not? she is a PT (Pretty Thing with the Y for Young dropped). Glad for confessing you belong to the obesity club.
     
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  6. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    Your sense of humor always exceeds the previous best of yours. What a reason you gave for justifying obesity! Perhaps, even drugs don't work fast enough on mottos and perhaps that is the reason the son got away from murder. I have not seen his photograph and hence it is just a conjecture on my part.

    I remember an incident when I was overweight. I was administered Anesthesia and the Gastroenterologist who was supposed to conduct a colonoscopy was losing his patience because Anesthesiologist was struggling to put me to sleep. I kept answering all her questions for a long time. Perhaps, she was afraid of overdosing me and hence kept increasing the dose step by step and it took more than 2 minutes to make me unconscious.

    Being fat has its own advantages. Just imagine if you are seated in a plane. No one would even attempt to elbow or push you when they see the ball of flesh.

    Viswa
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Viswa, thanks. May be Mikhail Bora got away because he was fat and the drug didn't work on him. Anesthesia didn't work on me either in my fatso days when I broke an arm. The anesthetist after ana attempt to ut me to sleep before the operation thought I had dozed off but nearly had a heart attack when he heard me speak asking the doctor about the surgical procedure.
     
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  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    tsk tsk Balajee! Now that is mean and nasty poking fun at fat people. I am very sensitive to the word 'fat' and the motto of my life so far can be summed up as the 'battle of the bulge'!

    Chalo, at least one benefit for those who are fat and want to live long. But what about those poor souls who are fat but want to cop it at the earliest?
     
  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    :rotfl:rotfl I was crazily laughing at your reasoning for people to be fat and be proud of it. As you rightly said, a fatso can't be killed with astra or sashtra, our lord Vishnu created an array of diseases for them to ensure their timely departure.

    From my understanding from the movies, in the underworld world, a peti (suitcase) represents 1 Lakh and a Khokha (box) represents 1 crore. But you may be right as the inflation has caught up and now a crore is worth same as a lakh used to be once upon a time.

    Your advice is timely as i contemplate whether to torture myself to shed my postpartum weight or protect myself from getting stuffed in a suitcase.:rotfl
     
  10. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    a young girl dies a horrible death. Here we are finding amusement in the situation

    Disgusting
     
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