Battles Daily With Husband

Dear Leila,
do not limit your happiness. It is not all over. You have faced your situation bravely for as long as you can and have come out of it in your own way. It takes guts to come to a decision and implement it. Hope you will find lasting happiness......

 

HI Leila,

I just wanted to clear few things: pls reply me if you wish so

1) Did u get married in May as quoted in first post or march, the one quoted in your updated post
2) Were you born and brought up in india, if so, dont you know that these issues are quite common and you should understand that these issues doesnt have to lead to seperation and you are still newly married, just give some more time.
3) U r a muslim and ur husband a hindu, i can understand the sacrifices and compromises that you both have to do. Are you sure that MIL is the only reason for your seperation?
4) All indian husbands, almost all doesnt mind telling everything to their mother. So make him understand, give him some more time. Lay your conditions and see whether he agrees?
5) Can you think from your husband's point of view:- got married to a muslim girl, adjustment, compromiseetc... to top it MIL DIL fights....Does he have friends? See you are sharing things with us, does he have anybody to share his feelings? Do you have a common friend, in front of whom you both can sit and discuss and clear things out.
6) May be because you are too independant, you dont want to compromise, bcos you have everything, so even after separation you feel it wont affect you financially. Sorry to be so rude. Your MIL feels that by his son marrying into another religion has already become a stranger and she will try to hold her son as much as she can
7) I think your husband is too stressed bcos of whatever is happening and that is driving him crazy. So please try to talk without getting crazy or angry or irritated or frustrated. Dont ruin your life.You still have time.
8) Try to relax, write down a list of things that you disagree with him, remember he is also a son, so also make a list what you want him to do and ask him to do the same thing. As you have already discussed so many times, so you both know what each other wants, so dont leave anything. So call him one day to your place, it is better within 4 walls so that you can shout at each other and try for one last time for me.

Just imagine, if you have a kid, you know what you will do, you will beat the kid or shout for no reason, you know why , bcos we can show our anger only to our own person. That is what your mil is doing and even your husband by being aggressive to you. Its all passing phase, try to calm down nd think of all those good things that led to your marriage and try to think whether he is really a nice guy.

I pray to GOD that there should be a turning point in your life, i hope you will try to implement the ideas i gave you. I am not telling you to be patient for life long but try to write down the list and discuss and see. My prayers are there to unite two people form different religion and i hope to get a positive reply from you soon.:2thumbsup:

 

Hi balamotwani,
that was very matured perspective. liked it. keep posting here.. :2thumbsup:

 

Hi !

I am in not position to advice since I have MIL problems as well.
However, here's my thoughts on your issue:-

You are newly married. Enjoy these beautiful days with your husband.
Don't let your MIL ruin any day of it from the begining.
Pick your battles. Some are not worth fighting. Sometimes you might win a battle but lose the war - that is what has happened with me. I shared my thoughts openly about how his mom should treat me and how not and now I have lost my husband to my MIL. It is difficult to undo this but it sure can be prevented.

I don't think you should stop him from visiting his mom however, I do believe that they would start pumping him against you if you are not there. So, I think instead of arranging visits at their place - all of you should go to place where there is activity together like movies, concerts etc. This would prevent unneccesary gossip in your absence about you.

 

what double standards ?an expert in relationships commenting?