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Battle against possessiveness

Discussion in 'Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings' started by Cheeniya, May 28, 2007.

Page 5 of 7
  1. May 18, 2012 #41
    Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Viji
    Wanting your Anna to give you an FB is not possessiveness. That's a natural desire. Possessiveness is when you want your Anna to give FBs only to you and to no one else.
    I'll certainly endeavor to fulfill your desire. Don't worry.
    Sri
     
    Cheeniya, May 18, 2012
    Cheeniya, May 18, 2012
    #41
  2. May 18, 2012 #42
    iyerviji

    iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you dear Anna for your immediate reply
     
    iyerviji, May 18, 2012
    iyerviji, May 18, 2012
    #42
  3. May 18, 2012 #43
    Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Cheeniya sir

    I must say this is a master piece and wonderful article. I'm not so good with words to convey all that I felt while reading this. But this will be remembered by me through out my life.

    And I what I liked the most are these lines........ And most of us live in this phase alone without realising.
     
    Pallavi4me, May 18, 2012
    Pallavi4me, May 18, 2012
    #43
  4. May 18, 2012 #44
    Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pallavi
    Thank you for your warm words of appreciation. Possessiveness has been the major cause of problems in relationship issues. Possessive people usually justify it saying that it is a manifestation of extreme love. But I consider it as a manifestation of lack of trust. Possessive people are usually very suspicious and are unwilling to give any space to their loved one. How ruinous can possessiveness be was ably narrated by K Balachander in his classic movie 'Pudhu pudhu arthangal'
    Sri
     
    Cheeniya, May 18, 2012
    Cheeniya, May 18, 2012
    #44
    sindmani likes this.
  5. May 18, 2012 #45
    Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh sir, I knew the reprecussions of possessiveness and how tough it would be to deal with those people especially when the society & others around us expects us to be greatful for the other person in life for whatever they have done to us. But having gratitude but being unbearable to bear the possessive person's intrusion in everything, is just nothing but living in a hell. Only the one facing it can understand and no one else.

    And as in the story of that deaf girl, in the end the relationship turns sour resulting the both feeling guilty & sad.

    And the movie "Pudu Pudu Arthangal" is one of my favourites sir.
     
    Pallavi4me, May 18, 2012
    Pallavi4me, May 18, 2012
    #45
  6. May 26, 2012 #46
    Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear cheeniya Sir,

    I found it very interesting when I read it a few days back .If I had replied immediately I would have said this is the only vice, I know that I possess and that there is no other way one can put an end to it except by realizing it first and then putting a full stop to it by letting go. No other slow and soft way to go about it. I was possessive of all relationships at sometime but surely, not anymore.

    Now, when compared to many of my friends I realize I am very laidback and have given a lot of space to my family. So does that make it a very ‘relative’ term?

    I LOVE the fact that my dd is very independent yet I feel ecstatic when she suddenly needs me to talk about something that is worrying her. These lines bothered me 'Grow, but not so much that you don't need me anymore. These are exactly what I feel about my dd. So does that mean I am possessive? Or is it just the feel to be needed? Or is there only a very small line between the two, I wonder.

    And in my case, I feel good and needed if someone is possessive about me..but only once in a while. Hahhah I love my freedom too much.
     
    Mindian, May 26, 2012
    Mindian, May 26, 2012
    #46
  7. May 26, 2012 #47
    shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sometimes I too feel that gratitude is a big burden. Do I sound like an ungrateful person? Gratitude is a pleasant feeling in the mind of receiver.....the giver need not remind all the time how much he/she has done for us.They dictate us at every point what to do and what not to do. At some point of life we may be the giver and some points taker.
     
    shyamala1234, May 26, 2012
    shyamala1234, May 26, 2012
    #47
  8. May 27, 2012 #48
    Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Mindi
    Whichever we look at it, possessiveness is certainly a negative trait. It is most deleterious in marital relationship. I have come across several families getting ruined by this single factor alone. Possessiveness can lead to very bad show of tempers and the children become traumatised. The only way to bring it under control is to build trust in each other.

    A friend of mine once told me that he never understood this problem of possessiveness. According to him, possessiveness could arise only when there was a constant fear of what we possessed being coveted by someone else. His remedy was that we should engage in a regular deprecation of what we possessed. He would say that if you had a Onida TV, it would not become neighbor's envy if you went on complaining about it saying things like how bad was the picture quality!

    Your feeling about your DD is common to all mothers. When it goes to extreme, we get all MIL bashing in IL! But please remember this. A plant would need all the care only until it grows into a mid sized tree. Have you seen anyone watering the mighty Banyan Tree in the Adyar Theosophical Society?
    Sri
     
    Cheeniya, May 27, 2012
    Cheeniya, May 27, 2012
    #48
  9. May 27, 2012 #49
    Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear syamala
    Gratitude is something that should be in the heart of the receiver permanently. The giver should not keep on reminding the receiver about it or expect him to remain beholden to him for life! Sometimes it will be prudent to avoid going to such people for help who would treat you like bonded labour after the help!
    Sri
     
    Cheeniya, May 27, 2012
    Cheeniya, May 27, 2012
    #49
  10. Aug 2, 2012 #50
    satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Cheeniya sir,

    I must thank Pallavi for quoting this snippet of yours otherwise I might not have got this opportunity to read this wonderful piece of writing. Such an eloquent exposition of a profound piece of wisdom. No one could have presented this better. I love the way Khalil Gibran has spoken of the importance of space in all relationships. Excessive possessiveness can destroy not just the love between two people but the individuals themselves.
     
    satchitananda, Aug 2, 2012
    satchitananda, Aug 2, 2012
    #50
    sindmani likes this.
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