Hi, I have grader and 1 yr old kid and full time job. My H job is always busy on phone with meetings is of no help around work time. I have already taken enough time off this year around pandemic so other than 1/2 days here and there, i can not. So problem is - We had nanny but she did not come during pandemic. Then once situation got settled, she decided to come back. Our life was mess and fights all the time. My work was suffering all time. Inspite of doing all the kids chores etc, i was the one getting blamed for creating mess, not doing work cleanly etc. While attending my meeting, and son screaming, i was one taking him out to play while on phone, how much effective would i be at work....So pandemic really hit me hard mentally..in all ways. Then my olders one school started and luckily nanny came back. so i was managing older one + little' ones food etc. While H does clean up in the night, and early morning tea. Nothing to do much with kids, kids play or study. Whatever he can do alone ( with headphones and watching) he would do. Now nanny is quitting again for family reasons, atleast for couple months. I am having panic attacks. Recently, I pressurized my boss to switch my team. Earlier all my teams were in india time zone, early morning and some times late at night. With little one, it was not working, since early morning, he also used to wake up. But after 10/11 am, things were calm since india time its night there. now i have meetings any time of the day ( US time) and i have more people to watch me or monitor me. I asked for it. I see a friend in similar situation but her work is not tough , not much reporting and H is more available because of job nature. I am just venting out or sharing my stress. How are you all balancing out. Since it is fall/winter starting, i do not want little one to go to daycare, anyways they will get sick, but in covid situation, we will have more fear, then again can not go to day care for a week or so, then covid test.. all this will be stress on me. Since it is holiday season, H is taking few days off... It is not like if he has taken day off, he will keep kids away or take care of them. He will do extra workouts that day.