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badly needed help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by prian, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. prian

    prian New IL'ite

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    Hai everyone i am prain from msia i would like to disscuss my problem with you all kindly request you to give me a suggestion.i am married women for 6 yrs and have a 4 year old son,i live with my husband and my inlaws are back in india.my husband and me always fight and can say we fight atlest 5 days a week ,the problem is my husbands frnds he gives a lot of importance to his frnds nd mostaly they are female.he does not for me and my son and always insist that i go back to india and now i found that he is having an affair with a loday who is divorcee and having kids.he always brings that lady home and is very happy when she is at home once she goes he becomes very moody and dull.off late i have told all these matters to my parens and inlaws but my inlaws are a deaf ear to my comments,he is telling why shld he spend for me and my son,off late a very big fight broke between us i jus shouted at my in laws lost my patience,seeing this my husband wants a divorce from me ,he as left me in my parents place and is going back to msia in a day or two.its been nearly a week since he has called me nor spoke with me.i am really depressed and always keep thinking fo him ,i really love him very much,i always say it better v separate when v have a fight but now cannot digest it.i am very depressed,pls help me in this.

    prian
     
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  2. ChinnuZ

    ChinnuZ New IL'ite

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    Dear Prian,

    You are in a very sad situation. It is easy for others to say to get sepration or divorce. Going through the situation is so hard and painful. If you go back to him right now, nothing changes. You can continue with the same situation. Cheating on you is not a silly thing. Look like your ILs don't have much voice on him either.Is it possible to get a job? Keep yourself busy for a while. After few months, ask yourself what exactly you want with your life. Love has to be mutual otherwise it is painful.

    May be others have better suggestion than this.

    ChinnuZ
     
  3. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear about your problem. I think since you know your husband is having an affair and there are continuing fights everyday. Do you think going back to your husband at this moment, will solve the all problem. I am not saying divorce him. But do not run back in the same situation, because you can't live without him. Does he feel the same way, I suppose no. Then why put yourself in the same situation, where he has no compassion for you and your child? And raising your child in such environement, where there is no harmoney except cheating and fighting. Do you think its healthy for you and your son? I would suggest, do not show him your weakness. Be strong and do not approach him, untill he is sorry for his action and he get rid of that second women in his life. This is painful to accept but sorry to say, if he is already involved with another women deeply, probably he won't come back to you, doesn't matter how hard you try. The situation will remain same even if you go back to him now.

    You have your son and your own family to support you. You should be thankful to god and feel lucky that you are not alone. Do not cry on your destiny, he is the loser not you. Do you know why parents send their daughters to the school, so that in case of any unfortunate incident girl could support herself. So, find a job and live with proud. Show him that you can have a better life without him even. May god bring back your happiness.
     
  4. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    This is indeed sad and very painful situation to be in. But you have to tackle it boldly and with lot of self-dignity.You have few good cards in your kitty, Like you have his son with you who is 4 year old. So it wont be easy for him to just leave you.
    You have to give him sometime to let the couple break over themselves.
    Such kind of extra marital affairs are usually very complex for people in it also. So you need to just wait patiently. Meanwhile educate yourself and make yourself financially independent.
    Your going there is not a solution for now. Let you husband get hi sown piece of wisdom himself. By your presence there, you cannot change anything either. By your absence you may. So use your absence effectively for him.
    Such men are usually very emotionally unstable people. Chances are they wont be happy with other woman too for very long. So for now gather your pieces in you. Be strong and forge ahead in life. You have a kid whom you are responsible to. So just Live for sometime for you and your kid alone. Dont try to think too much. Let life teach its lesson to ur husband also.
    I am very confident that he will get it if you dont reach out to him for few months. Dont let him even talk to ur kid.

    Wish you luck.
    Ria
     
  5. divyasarav

    divyasarav New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I can imagine how depressing it would be for you now.. But, just remember, it is not the time for you to get depressed but act smart...

    Firstly, you are his legal wife.. He can't do anything against your wish. You can always pull him to the court.. Be confident.

    As Ria has suggested, let him alone for a few days.. may be a maximum of 3-4 months.. Then you try to contact him.. By that time, you would come to know about his true colours. If he is a person who truly loves you and your son, he would come to submissive terms by then. But if he is a person who just wants to flurt around with females, he would not care about you at that time... Based on his reactions, you can always try to take a decision. If he turns to be good, then you forgive and forget everything, try to relocate to some other place, enter into a good agreement with your husband.... (Just remember, men GO outside bcos they are not properly taken care at home.. I am sure, you would have understood what I mean) and start your life afresh.

    If he turns to be arrogant, then there is no point to live with such a person... You move legally and claim all your rights..

    But I feel, your husband loves you at heart. Thats why he has escorted you and your kid all the way from Malaysia to India... Please note, if he does not care about you, why should he spend time and money taking you people to India... and not spending time with his divorcee girl friend... Hence, i feel, there is still some amount of caring for you deep in his heart. Please try to utilise it...

    Take care and act smart...

    Divya
     

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