Bad Atmosphere At Home.

Thanks guys for your responses! I really appreciate you all taking time out to reply.

I have tried explaining to my dad, but he doesn't understand few things either. I feel bad because they are the only one I have and if I raise my voice or say something respectful, I myself feel bad about it later and sit and cry in a corner. I have told her that I feel depressed at times due to the way whole house atmosphere has become, things that are going on in my life, career and not getting married is taking up another toll. My career progress has been affected by my depression and whenever I try to talk about it, really nothing happens. Instead she says you are never going to achieve anything in life the way your lifestyle has become. I have told her my lifestyle is because of it and I too want to get out of it, but nothing.

Anyways, I am learning to emotionally detach myself from everything. Even from people who I have known for few years, call them as friends and are never available to talk. Hopefully things will get better someday.

 

Yeah I go sit in a different room at times. I also try to spent as much time with them as possible, coz not sure when I will get to spend it again. I sometimes feel like since I am so used to living alone now, I cannot handle such emotional drama anymore from anyone... be it friends or family. I try to get out of it as much as I can, but if it is from family then it does hurt a lot sometimes.

 

They were with me when I had posted this so I was going through all the drama and left for India at the end of 2021. They go through conflicts every day or every other day at home, but while living apart it doesn't come down to me that much. Recently there was a time when they started fighting when I was on the call and when I tried resolving it, my dad literally yelled at me to keep my mouth shut and not to interfere and I dropped the call. Honestly, I too have started ignoring it for my own sanity since no matter what I do or how much happy I try to keep them or I try to show them that they have a better life compared to others, nothing changes. And with age, both are becoming more stubborn with everything. However ignoring will work for me now, but not in future. I will be moving back to India in future to take care of them and will go through the same again.

 

I am doing meditation now and more focused on work which has been helping. Therapists here doesn't clearly understand our family bonds and their solution is to cut ties which is not possible since my parents are old and they will need the help soon. My brother left them for greener grass so all the responsibilities are on me now.