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Baby with stranger anxierty - How to plan First birthday?!

Discussion in 'Infants' started by Butterflie, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. Butterflie

    Butterflie Bronze IL'ite

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    My baby cannot handle new people. She smiles from a distance at strangers but the moment anyone tries to touch her, she cries a lot. She doesn't get a lot of exposure to new people . Just a few guests here and there.

    We were sent into a deep thought after an episode which happened recently. How the heck is she going to handle 50+ new people at her birthday party? It will surely be a nightmare.
    We are planning on reducing the number of people and possibly have the party at home.
    My question is, did anyone of your kids or someone you know have a fuss-free first birthday party? What can I do for it to be easy on her? Any advice/suggestions?
     
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  2. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi, just thought to come over from your other thread :) I can not tell you what to do about the d-day party as if your relatives and friends a bit like ours there will be hardly a way to stop them grabbing the baby and hug/kiss/cuddle her whilst running through the room... maybe if she starts shouting they will willingly give her back...
    Just dropped it to tell you that being shy at this age is nothing unusual and you shouldnt worry too much about it. If you think she should be more exposed to different people you can consider joyning some baby sport classes, or other play groups, maybe giving her to a good day care center with other children is an option. I visit nearly daily the playground and start to talk to other moms (some think im a weirdo) as i want to teach my child that communication is important, not a easy task in some western areas. Anyways shyness is typical in her age my cousin even refused hugs from her own grandparents and now runs an own day care center ;)

    If she is smiling from a distance did you try to give her some nice experience by asking some people she might dont know yet to get closer talk to her or if she cries then with you? I would keep her on arm all the time and just casually talk to the people so she understands its a normal situation.
     
  3. Butterflie

    Butterflie Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you for your response. As spring just started , I do want to take her out on walks and make her see new faces. Im thinking that will help.
    Normally when some stranger talks to the baby, mostly I just smile. Maybe I should take your advice and strike up a conversation. Its very hard for me, but i will surely try.

    Normally any friend or relative directly goes to the baby and just grabs her away from me. I cannot tell them to not do it, might find it offensive! :( Why cant people just give her some time? :(
     
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    In your shoes, I would totally cut out the first birthday bash; instead just have a few people she is comfortable with around. A terrific alternative is to plan a trip for her birthday so you and your family can have exclusive time with the child; some excellent photos; a cake-bash session wherever you are holidaying; pool or seaside etc. etc. I know someone who did this and never rgretted it.
     
    2 people like this.
  5. Butterflie

    Butterflie Bronze IL'ite

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    Guesshoo.. OMg, thats such an awesome idea! I would seriously want to consider it. But then I dont think skipping the party altogether is an option. Maybe a very small, less-hungama party.
    But the getaway idea is too tempting !
     
  6. LiveUP

    LiveUP New IL'ite

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    Hi butterflie

    I have been through similar situation.
    When my daughter was around 9 months we went to a b'day party where she was continuously crying seeing all the new faces. I had to stay in a separate room just to make her feel comfortable till the cake cutting was done and left the party early . so i celebrated her 1st b'day at home with just few guests. there were exactly 11 elders and 3 kids ( 2> 5yrs n 1=3yrs). We decorated the home with a strawberry short cake theam, cake, snacks n dinner. And i must say she really enjoyed her day.she was dancing ,playing , running had a blast. Al the guests were very close friends whom we meet regularly so even she was comfortable . I remember 3 of us had to hold her to change her dress, she was so excited with the decorations and with her lil friends. Even the pics came out really well.
    As it will be her first b'day make her feel special by spending time with her .Make sure that she is happy and comfortable .
     
  7. Butterflie

    Butterflie Bronze IL'ite

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    So cute!! thanks for your suggestions!
     
  8. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    I would suggest keep the party outside, arrange somebody or ur husband to receive guests. U and baby leave home late, reach exactly at cake cutting time, take photos, and talk quickly to all guests one round, as soon as u see baby is fussing u and baby leave the party saying baby tired, go home. let guests enjoy food and talk among themselves , ur hubby wiill entertain guests and say bye bye.

    but u will not enjoy the party as u don' talk much with guests, as baby started fussing.

    arrange party in the evening after baby,s nap.
     
  9. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP

    Wow I have same worries for my daughter. We are planning to celebrate her bday with family and relatives in India. She is definitely going to panic and cry with so many people around. It is usual for babies but it does create panic in me..I really get nervous.

    We went to some party with room packed..my LO kept on crying so loudly.. we had to sit in other room and leave early.

    Its been cold here ever since she is born..so she was not exposed to people a lot.

    Then days its bright outside, Me or H is busy or tired or sick. I have friends who celeb their babys first bday with just 1 more couple in restaurant and baby kept crying and left early with food packed.

    Now with India trip coming, to make my flight life easier, I plan to take her out every weekend and try to talk to people more so she knows is okay... I suggest you same.
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    You received wonderful suggestions! Actually first birthdays are for parents and not for the kids. Meaning, they have no idea what happened that day unless they see the pictures. The real enthusiasm starts when they are around 3.

    Now, if skipping the party and going for a vacation is not an option (like @guesswho suggested), then have a small party for 2 hours and call it a day. During that 2 hours, make sure she is always with someone with whom she is comfortable with.
    Since you are calling only close friends, I presume you can tell them that the DD is feeling a little antsy and that it's better they don't pick her up or try to take her.
     

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