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baby girl

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sowmyareddy83, Mar 13, 2010.

  1. sowmyareddy83

    sowmyareddy83 New IL'ite

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    hi,
    i am sowmya working as s/w engineer hyd. i am a silent reader of this indusladies forum.

    i am writing this in a very depressed mood.i born in a middle class family.
    my father had 3 daughters.seeing all the things what my 2 sisters faced when i was a small kid .my big sister attempted sucide after 5 years of her married life bcs of her family personal problems.from my childhood i got very dislike on being a girl.

    i got married 3 years back.my husband is nice man. i am very happy with my married life.god blessed me with financially sound family.i am enjoying a lot going to movies,hotels and long drives to some places. last year i was conceived and felt very happy.
    from the day i was conceived i asked only one thing to god i need a healthy baby boy i dont want a baby girl. finally i delivered a baby girl
    c-section done. from that time i am crying like anything. i am not able to digest that. i refused to take her in my hands. i am not giving milk to her.
    i dont want a kid born to me to face problems like other women in this male dominating society.all my friends and collegues surrounding had sons.
    why god blessed me with girl. now my daughter is one month old my inlaws are taking care of her.if i take her in my hands i cry like any thing.
    how to grow this girl.what was her life going to be after marriage?

    i am really feeling very depressed about what her life is going to be after marriage?will she tolerate if any negative things happen after her marriage?i tried suicide attempt after coming home.unfortunately i am safe. can any onehelp me.
     
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  2. shreyashreyas

    shreyashreyas Gold IL'ite

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    Dear friend, why are you thinking it a negative way.... You have got a wonderful husband, both of you will be very good parents to your angel. She will be the twinkle of your eyes... always remember that its tears that will make a person weak. take her in your arms, she is the cutest gift that god has given whereas many dont receive.... You know, during my pregnancy i was always wishing that i should have a girl.

    Please dont do a mistake of not taking care of her... please feed her as she requires you. Why are you worrying about her marriage from now itself... grow her up into a self confidence child.

    You have a loving husband, in-laws who take care of you and child. why dont you think about them all. they are nice to you . please dont take any drastic steps in life.... its gods gift to love all and to be loved by all.....
     
  3. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Sowmya,

    I am really upset and disgusted to read about your attitude towards woman.. what is the innocent baby's fault, just because she is a girl.. what is stopping you to take her in your arms.. if it was a baby boy i'm sure you would have embraced him.. Pl dont harbuor such notions about girls.. I think it is only because of people like you that girl child faces so many problems.. Stop differentiating because of gender.. Learn to respect womanhod.. May be your childhood experiences and your sister's lives have made you learn and believe all wrong things.. Get cognitive behavioral therapy done to change your false notions about girls..

    I also feel you are likely to get into post partum depression.. get yourself treated for that.. Dont ever make your child feel that she was unwanted or that she is inferior to a boy..
     
  4. shrutidunwoody

    shrutidunwoody Bronze IL'ite

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    First of all a child is a God ' s gift , you should accept it with thanks and happiness. Imagine there are so many people longing to conceive and you got it without any struggle so instead of grumbling about it , accept it with grace.

    Besides you say , you are happy with your marriage so what makes you think that your child will have problems in future. Give your girl the best she needs , as a mother first then you can think about her marriage.

    After all giving a child the best is in the parents hand and later after marriage it depends upon her destiny depending upon her husband and inlaws.

    So right now you just concentrate on your duty and love towards her. Dont think about her future and ruin her present.
     
  5. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    I am really sad to read this and I fail to understand you.....You must be out of your mind.....You don't feel like holding your baby, you don't give her milk? What is all this? Who told you to get pregnant? How did you expect that you would give birth to a baby boy only?

    Ok, girls do go through lot of marital problems/in-law problems but things change with time. When your daughter gorws up (30 years down the line), things will be lot different.

    Here is my suggestion, stop thinking about all this non-sense. Babies are babies. Love your child, bring her up well. Stop the negative thoughts in your mind. Bring up your child well. The more time you spend with your daughter, the more stronger the bond will get.

    Everyone's life is different. Your sister's life was different, yours is different and your daughter's will be different.

    Make her a strong woman, give her good education and a healthy environment to grow up. As a mom, it is your duty to take take of her and to make her confident and educated.

    Women do everything in today's world. You go to any field, women shine. They are so much capable.

    I can't understand this non-sense stuff you are talking here.........I feel sad for your daughter.

    Please please please be a good mother for your baby girl and take care of her....
     
  6. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    you are thinking all negative....
    not necessarily your daughter has to undergo what you or your sisters suffered when you were growing up.

    Most important is as a mother you can make sure that your daughter would not suffer in future because she is gal. Think posiitive and make sure you give her all love and care protect her from everything bad in this world.


     
  7. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Sowmya, you say you don't want your baby girl to face problems from a male dominated society and hence as the mum of the baby and a woman, you chose to act as the baby's No.1 oppressor and hater by not holding her or refusing to feed her? What kind of twisted logic is that? Do you realize your baby's number one nemesis in the world is not the men but YOU? And as the baby girl's mum, it makes it so much worse I do not have words to describe this obtuse logic.
    The baby is only months old and you have already seen the future of this baby and all the suffering it is going to go thru in life when the child grows up in your crystal ball? Please stop being so ignorant and prejudiced.
    You may want to see a doctor immediately since all the signs your describe point to post-partum depression and lot of your unfounded fears and theories may stem from that added to the depression, suicidal thoughts etc. See a doctor immediately and I think he/she is the best person to help you in the state of mind you are in.
     
  8. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sowmya,

    hugs to you dear woman! it's unfortunate that your sisters had a painful married life.

    did your parents show any less affection to you because you're a girl child? they did provide the best to all 3 of you right? and you do have a nice married life, in your words, Sowmya. It's not your fault that your sisters had issues. So please do not carry that burden on you. Think for a moment if your baby is of any fault here. I'm sure you've been blessed (i'm glad you used that word to describe your baby!) with a girl - it's a chance for you to give her a good education, a caring and loving childhood and make her a strong woman. now unfortunately because of whatever guilt you're carrying in your heart you're doing the same injustice to that innocent child. she too will grow up thinking 'why was i born as a girl?' you've to decide if this is what you want for your child! if necessary take the help of a counsellor. they'll help you get rid of this guilt. please see a doc before it's too late.
     
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Malavika. WE are part of society, and if we want to see a change, we must be part of the change.... but you are part of the problem, treating your girl baby so cruelly. It almost makes me think maybe you have some sort of mental illness or depression... so please consult a doctor to see if that is a possibility.

    When you got married and had sex with your husband, you knew there were only two possible outcomes of sex and the consequence of sex.... PREGNANCY... either female child or male child, 50/50. If you knew you couldn't handle the 'dissapointment' of a daughter, you should have just remained single the rest of your life, or adopted a male child... instead of giving birth to a daughter only to make her little life hell. Really, I think you can tell that I'm disgusted by your outlook.

    Women are treated poorly, because women like YOU put a premium on male children. It's that simple! Your friends all have boys? Like the saying "friends of a feather flock together"... and maybe they have your same attitude, but instead of giving birth to their daughters had them aborted. Else, at least even SOME of your friends would be having girls too. Life is what you make of it, be it a woman's life or man's life. Raise your daughter to value herself, and others will give her the respect she deserves. But how can she value herself, growing up with a mother who thinks she is cursed just for being born with a vagina? I urge you to check out the pregnancy forums in this section, where hopeful-moms-to-be are just PRAYING night and day to get pregnant.... and would die for the chance just to have a baby of their own... boy OR girl. Sometimes when I read posts like yours where people don't value the treasures right in front of them... I feel that life isn't fair.

    Please see a doctor. And if everything checks out fine with that doctor, get a second opinion. If both doctors say you are fine, then obviously it's just your own personal ideologies that are the problem... and in that case, realize that you MUST change your attitude for your daughter's sake.
     
  10. ProReal

    ProReal Senior IL'ite

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    For some reason I just couldn't accept the fact that you are upset over a girl child. I agree with Malavika and ASG, please go and check and if you are in depression. If not, for heavens sake, give the little one for adoption to a family that would love her.

    Yes, I understand we all have our moments.. Sometimes I feel that having a girl child could have its own set of problems considering what I have personally been through. Molested by family members, abused by someone I trusted years later and finally a gynaec problem that is hereditary causing me to be in pain most part of the month... Still I am praying for a healthy child and hoping for a baby girl. Apart from the fact that I want the unconditional love that a girl child has, I also want her to be all that I couldn't be and give her the strength to stand up for herself.

    Think of it this way, take it as a challenge and bring her up so she has the strength to cope with the pressures of tomorrow's world. There is no guarantee that if you have a boy child everything will be right. You cannot protect them lifelong, you can only give them the best you can irrespective of the sex of the child.. the rest is upto them and GOD!
     

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