Babas And Bars

Advisory: This blog does not target any particular baba considering making babas a butt of your jokes could have you hauled up over coals by cops and putting the word “Bars” after “Babas” is not an insinuation that babas frequent bars, If you say babas don’t need to frequent bars because all of them are stinking rich enough to have an entire pubs in their ashrams, then you are doing so at your own risk and I want no part of it. Be prepared for a knock on your door by the men in uniform. And “Bars” here means exactly behind which they will put you when they nab you for blasphemy. So let us go ahead with this blog after I disown all responsibility for it to be safe.\


.The cop gave me a baleful look. “What were you singing?” he barked.

I have frequently been warned against singing, particularly by my family members who have barred me from any musical outpourings. I am not allowed to croon even in the bathroom, as the bathroom is located in such a disadvantageous part of the house that even if I whisper, the neighbours could hear me loud and clear. I can understand my family’s concern. They didn’t want a mob of neighbours to break down the bathroom door and lynch this modern counterpart of Cacafonix.

May be the astrologer of my in-laws’ was right. He had said that Lord Saturn was not well-disposed towards me and I was under his seven and half years of malevolent spell. But the incorrigible unbeliever that I am. I had laughed off his predictions saying Saturn was too buy admiring his pretty rings to bother about me.

But looks like the astrologer was right. Freed from the constraints of home, I decided on that day to sing while I was going for my walk. I just didn’t understand why out of gazillions of songs, I chose that particular nursery rhyme.

“Ba ba black sheep. Have you any wool.” I wailed oops sorry sang. “Yes sir, yes sir..” Before I could complete the line a heavy hand fell on my shoulder with a thud. I turned back to find the abovementioned cop who asked the abovementioned question. I knew I wasn’t a great singer but was not aware that it was so bad that it would attract the law.

“What were you singing?” he barked again.


“Just a nursery rhyme” I said.

“Repeat the first line” he snapped.

“Ba ba black sheep” I began. “STOP!!!!!!” he yelled. I shut my trap immediately

“You are under arrest for hurting religious sentiments” He yelled again.



Needless to say I was flummoxed. “Religious sentiments. I was just singing a nursery rhyme. And whose religious sentiments?”

“Whose religious sentiments? Everybody’s. And nursery rhyme my foot! It is blasphemy!”

“How come?”

“If you had named just one baba and called him a black sheep that would hurt only the feelings of his followers but you have tarred all babas with the sam brush and thus hurt the religious sentiments of everyone who follows some baba or other” growled the cop. “And that is a far more serious offence than denigrating a particular baba”.


“But even kids in nurseries and kindergartens recite these lines” I said.

“That is the job of the moral police. Not mine. They would probably go and bash up kids reciting such disrespectful line. They ar very good at bashing up. They have a fine record of bashing up women who go to pubs and have even forced their way into ladies’ kitty parties to teach the ladies there a lesson for having a peg or two instead of tea or coffee in good ladylike fashion. Now let us march to the station, where I will file a case against you for disturbing public order and hurting religions sentiments” said the cop.

When you are cornered the mind works overtime as mine did. “What religious sentiments? I was singing about a secular baba and not a religious one” I said.

“Secular baba? What secular baba?”

“Arrey baba I was singing about Rahul baba” I said. “The line I sang asks Rahul whether he had enough wool to pull over people’s eyes”.

The cop gave me a suspicious look. “ Why didn’t you say that earlier?”
“You never gave me a chance to tell you earlier”

“Awright off you go.” said the cop looking very disappointed at the loss of a chance to make an arrest. “But be carful about what you sing in public”

“Of course . I will keep your advice in mind. No more babas, black sheep or wool”

“What black sheep, what wool?” asked the wife shaking me awake.

“Sorry I fell asleep while reading the news about comedian Kiku Sarada being arrested for making fun of baba Gurmeet Ram Rahim Insaan MSG” I said.

“MSG? Does he have anything to do with Ajinamoto?”

“MSG stands for messanger of God. He made two movies with that title about himself”.


“Oh God these babas don’t even leave Bollywood alone. Anyway never mind that . It is time for Pongal shopping ,Run out and get sugarcane, gur and other stuff. These newspapers are pretty boring but that does not mean you can nod off and take a trip to the dreamworld while reading them”.

 

Twinkling star thanks. It is wiser not to comment much because otherwise men in khaki might come calling in the present atmosphere of intolerance prevailing in the country. See we can be arrested for cracking jokes. The other ILites have shown great wisdom by not commenting despite reasonably good number of visits.

 

Surekha thanks. Hope that cops won't come to arrest you for liking this snippet.

 

Kamalji Rahul will have me locked up? I think if someone from Haryana govt reads this, I would be behind bars for joking about MSG Ram Rahim Insaan. May be I would share a cell with Kiku Sharada.

 

Madi saarayam? I have heard of eri sarayam and kudi sarayam, You mean this brew is prepared after the shopowners take a holy bath and say their prayers. Aiyo Sarayame Saranam (hic) Ayyappa!!!!!!!