1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Awful Awful Husband...why Do I Feel Like I Need Him?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Patientone, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    537
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    It is important to marry after you date (know the person), and wait after marriage before you bring children into this world (to ensure that you can give a conducive environment to your children)
     
  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,117
    Likes Received:
    2,686
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    But last generation, mostly arranged marriages were happening in India.
    Not much options to date
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  3. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    537
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    As world changes, with time, things have to change. Even in India, there has been lot of changes taking place compared to our times.

    Women are educated and are in the work place. They can meet people and the financial independence enables girls to choose who they want to marry as it impacts their entire life. This also gets rid off the dowry system, breaks down the caste system also. They can choose to have a simple wedding with close family and friends without incurring expenses that parents cannot afford or incur any debts.

    Two earning parents can plan to be self sufficient in their old age, and let their children lead their lives independently.

    This will set stage to the next generation.
     
    Patientone likes this.
  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    You did mention this earlier. That was what brought up the Range Rover Analogy.

    It isn't an either/or scenario. Either you do your due diligence before or put up with what you get scenario. It’s to not feel guilt tripped into staying because of the loss of the other parent, especially if he isn’t worthy.

    The same independent working,earning women who can find their own mates can also give up on the said mates. Independent women do raise well rounded kids without unworthy men in the picture and vice versa.
     
  5. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    537
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    All I am saying is that at least they made their own independent decision and didn't have to marry someone without a clue about the person.
    Arranged marriage, dowry, going on debt due to the wedding etc,. will change if educated working women proactively take the lead. That is what sets in motion for the societal changes.
    If independent women do raise well rounded kids without unworthy men in the picture, they sure can find worthy men.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes. And the other side of that coin is educated working women proactively leaving when they can. I wasn’t talking about the entire society, I was talking only about the OP and her specific situation.

    When a poster has started a post wanting to leave but unable to and specifically asking that question in her subject line, I pointed out to her that sometimes leaving is for the best of the child.
    Regardless of if she dated, ran comprehensive BG checks, checked in against societal norms, she’s in the situation today. I posted based on her current situation.
     
    SinghManisha and Thyagarajan like this.
  7. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    537
    Likes Received:
    593
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I have no disagreement with your take on this. It would help OP to understand that you don't marry for altruism.
    If I am not mistaken OP also said "I felt sorry for someone and thought I’d change his life, helping him see a better world etc but it came to bite me back on the backside." That is what got her into this situation.
    The worst reason to marry is out of pity or to change another person. One can only change his/herself which in turn may/may not change the other person. There is nothing selfish about finding a compatible person.
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,682
    Likes Received:
    11,157
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes. You’ve stated that over and over. She has too. I’m sure she has understood that.
    I don’t really want to delve into the past and things that cannot be changed. Again, I posted to give some current perspective. Let’s not go back and forth about things that are either irrelevant or not helpful and detail the thread further.
     
    Thyagarajan and Sunshine04 like this.
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,207
    Likes Received:
    5,845
    Trophy Points:
    425
    Gender:
    Female
    Well it’s very common in western countries. But inspite of tat divorce, abuse etc are common in these countries as well. Infact higher than India.

    So it doesn’t mean tat only if you date a guy and get married to him is the best way.

    There are guys who change completely after marriage and even after kids.

    There are many cases in IL where women were treated badly after a kid saying tat she has become less attractive and put on weight and some even started EMA.
     
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2019
  10. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    969
    Likes Received:
    1,429
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,
    Any updates?
    Don't drown in sorrow, come on IL and update us. We support you!

    I was in a similar situation once. My husband is horrible but haven't left him. I won't.
    Come online and vent and then decide.
    Jo ho gaya so ho gaya= what has happened (bad decisions) is water under the bridge.
    Decide again, something new, with calm and focused and detached mind.

    Imho don't leave marriage but try to help your husband to be a be a little better husband.
    If he is momma's boy, means atleast he loves one woman, he can love you too!
    May be he is on satven aasman (7th cloud) (spring stepped) because he got his papers and thinks he is doesn't need you anymore. But he does need you...there is life beyond "immigration".

    Think and relax and think some more, write everything down, take your time and make decisions
     

Share This Page