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Avoiding Speaking With Orthodox In-laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by NaiveLady, Mar 31, 2020.

  1. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for sharing. You put up with this for 11 years? I admire your patience and tolerance. Glad you eventually got the confidence to live your own life for the sake of your own mental and emotional health and sanity. Good for you!
     
  2. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for asking, that is a great question. Hmm I may have asked why but I don't remember the answer. I guess in that case it would be okay to not light the lamp.
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Why apologize? What's wrong with being too radical or argumentative? You are who you are. You should not apologize to anyone you know for this and not to a random stranger on the internet. Be more stingy in issuing apologies.

    Look dear, except for your immediate family and a few friends, relatives, colleagues whom you care about, you shouldn't give two hoots what others think of you. And even if I think you are super unreasonable why are you saying sorry? You can respect my feelings and rights without saying sorry for no fault of yours.

    This is not related to the topic of this thread, but I noticed this in my near and dear too recently, and have read that it is common in women to be overly self-effacing, hesitant to rock any boat, apologize before presenting a counter point of view, etc. Analyze this in your interactions and slowly learn to be less apologetic in your speech. Maybe you are like this at home also, so your mother and husband have to step in to defend you. Related example - you don't have to list your "Indian" qualities like music, dance, Indian languages. If you think you are religious and traditional enough, and your husband is fine with that level, that is sufficient. The rest of the world can go fly a kite.
     
    sbonigala, Laks09, NaiveLady and 3 others like this.
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Your mil.also should have known that you will not be traditional since brought up in USA.
    Anyways even girls brought up in India may not be traditional.
     
    Amica and NaiveLady like this.
  5. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    I was born in India, I don’t follow a single thing you mentioned. I remember telling my mil I don’t follow any stupid crap. She stays away from my space because my husband is extremely supportive of me and I’m strong enough to fight if needed. If I were you, I would tell “My home. My body. My rules”. I feel you gave her space to walk over you.
     
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  6. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    Wow you are very strong. My husband is very kind and supportive, too, but I don't think it would go well at all if I told them off so directly. It's refreshing seeing a different point of view, thank you for sharing. Maybe your in-laws are more orthodox than how your parents had raised you, too?
     
  7. NaiveLady

    NaiveLady Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for your input. You are right, even those brought up in India aren't necessarily traditional.anyway I don't think it's possible to be all the way traditional. While I follow some practices that may be seen as traditional (e.g. I don't drink, I like reciting carnatic songs/shlokas, keep long hair, mostly avoid onion and garlic), my standard attire (shirt and pants) isn't traditional, I don't know how to cook the more complex traditional dishes, and I don't believe in certain old-fashioned rules and most of the rituals. Oh well.
     
  8. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, Many DILs have gone thro what you have written in your first post. Even me and still now. Like not entering Pooja room during periods in my MIL's house, infact the house bought by my husband for her in his native place. In my home, I follow science and logic becoz its my house my rule and my belief. I don't follow anything what I don't believe right. Back in hometown, mils home, I don't impose my belief on her belief. She grew up following such things, and I just stay away from Pooja and kitchen room during periods. It's hers place, her rule as she is managing the house most of the time in a year. No work no argument.
    When she comes to my place, she is not entertained in anyway to comment on my beliefs.
    Commenting about eating and weight is an insult. Tell her on face "I don't like people commenting on my weight an eating habit".
     

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